It feels like just three months ago I was getting my ass handed to me in Cave’s last arcade-to-console port, Mushihimesama Futari Ver. 1.5. Maybe it’s because it was just three months ago. The game has been in my 360 regularly over that span of time. Even as new games have come out and other matters have needed my attention, I would always find time for a few play-throughs of Cave’s little shmup that could. So when Esgaluda 2 Black Label (originally released in Japanese arcades in 2005 as just Espgaluda 2) was finally announced as a region-free release, I immediately dropped 75 bones on the game without a second thought.

If you know anything about Japanese developer Cave, then you already know that Esgaluda 2 Black Label (from here on just referred to as Espgaluda 2) is a vertical shoot ‘em up game in the manic style, commonly labeled as bullet hell. However, dismissing this game as just a set of mind-numbing bullet patterns that only the most devoted player could ever bother to memorize and try to survive would be doing Espgaluda 2 an injustice.

Sure, there are wave after wave of Cave’s typically dense and fast brightly-colored death clouds, but dodging the bullets is only half of the battle. Any true shmup fan who has spent some time with these games will tell you what makes them so deep and engaging is the scoring system. These systems are really what define the gameplay, and Esgaluda 2’s console port comes packed with 4 different scoring systems.

And just for fun, this is what it would be like if stuff in bullet hell games existed in real life:

Sorry, I had to fit that into this review somehow.

Starting out, you choose one of three different, winged-fighters to fly around and destroy stuff with. They are Ageha, Asagi, and Tateha in Arcade/360, Arrange, and Omake modes with Asagi being replaced by one of the stage bosses, Seseri, in Black Label. All of these characters change gender when you switch to Kakusei or Zesshikai modes (more on those later). I don’t know why they do that. It has something to do with the bizarre and incomprehensible backstory, but whatever. That doesn’t really matter.

Once you’ve selected your gender-bending character, it’s up to you to figure out the scoring system and different features of the game. If you are able to read Japanese, you might be benefited from the “How to Play” screen or the tutorial mode. Everyone else is screwed.

Thanks to some forum crawling and experimentation, I’ve managed to figure out this vague and complex beast of gameplay design. First, the simple stuff:

Standard to many vertically-scrolling shooters, you have two shot types. The regular spread shot, which is performed by tapping “A,” and a laser shot, called “Rapier,” is executed by holding down “A.” Instead of bombs, you have a barrier, which is activated by pressing the right trigger. There is a gauge in the bottom corner of you screen that depletes as you use your barrier. You can either remain in barrier to stay invincible for as long as your gauge holds out, or you can do a quick tap, which eats up about a quarter of the gauge.

Now, the hard stuff:

The core of the system revolves around the “B” button, which activates the Kakusei and Zesshikai modes. By tapping “B” you enter Kakusei mode; bullets change from blue to purple and slow down, allowing you to weave through the patterns easier. This isn’t the only perk though. If you destroy an enemy in Kakusei, all of their bullets change to gold pieces and increase a multiplier which adds up to x100. Canceling huge bullet patterns is the key to surviving and driving up your score.

This mode is only useful once you’ve destroyed enough regular enemies in your standard state. Enemies drop green gems, which vary in size and add to a counter that maxes out at 500. When you enter Kakusei mode, your gems deplete. If you stay in Kakusei after all your gems are gone, you go into Kakusei-Over, which turns the bullets red and actually makes them faster.

Then, there’s Zesshikai mode. This is activated by holding “B” down just a second longer. In this mode, bullets are still slowed and cancelled, but they spawn more bullets that will target your character. These newly spawned bullets are cancelled by killing other enemies, who then spawn more bullets, and so on. Zesshikai also eats up not only the green gems, but the gold you’ve collected, which maxes out at 1000 pieces and affects your max multiplier. The only plus side of this mode is that the multiplier is increased from x100 to x500. If you’re going for high score, you are going to have to learn how to master these systems to achieve greatness.

At first I felt that Zesshikai was unnecessary. And in all honesty, it is. There’s really no incentive to using it for survival, since you already have Kakusei for that and Zesshikai actually spawns more bullets, so the only reason to use it is to increase your score. However, it is satisfying once you start figuring out the best places to use this mode and see all those flashing x500s fill up the screen as bullets cancel (Hint: use it on the smaller enemies that can be killed easily and come in barrages).

The other modes of play feature drastically different systems when it comes to bullet cancelling and scoring. Black Label relies on a multiplier bar that must be maintained to earn big points (among other features, such as bullets being stopped in front of you as long as a second charge bar is full). Arrange has you switching between regular shot and laser to cancel out opposite colored bullets. Omake is a strange little distraction that turns the bullets red when they get close to you, allowing you to shoot them to cancel out. There’s also Novice modes for both Arcade/360 and Black Label for those who need to work their way up to the main game.

The bullet patterns are very well-designed. After some practice, it’s easy to see where you need to be to survive. Actually pulling that off is another matter entirely. You will benefit from having an arcade stick. The 360 joystick is okay, but there are some spots that require precise movement that the controller just can’t afford.

Now that you’ve practiced a bit and have gotten the hang of the complex scoring system, it’s time to take your skills to Score Attack and carve a spot in the leaderboards. There’s just one problem: credit feeding.

Unlike Futari, where you were given unlimited credits in Normal Play, but just one in Score Attack to hone your skills and work your way up the ranks, in Espgaluda 2 you can credit feed in Score Attack, too. Sure, the key to reaching the higher echelons of the leaderboads relies on you beating the game using only one credit to retain your score, but it also means that it’s up to you to quit the game after you’ve lost your score, and try again. It really takes some of the excitement out of making it just a bit further and increasing your score just a bit more. If you aren’t a total noob (God, I can’t believe I just used the term “noob”) and don’t just hit continue every time you die, then credit feeding won’t be too much of a problem. It’s still kind of disappointing to see it in Score Attack, though.

The game looks great with the updated visuals. The background art draws you into the fantasy setting the game boasts. Animations are smooth, and the game’s mid-boss and boss designs are surprisingly complex and multi-faceted. One boss in particular starts off as just a little tank, but as the battle continues, he eventually turns into a huge, mobile death fortress.

The music is typical of this type of anime-inspired shoot ‘em up game. Tracks are lighthearted and techno-beat heavy. First press releases of the game come with a soundtrack. Although, I gotta say, some of the tracks can be grating to listen to on their own. They fit in with the hectic nature of the game, but that’s where some of them should stay.

Esgaluda 2 Black Label is a great game at it’s core, but it is held back by some of the choices made during it’s trip from arcade to console. Unlimited credits are great for practice and being able to experiment with what the game has to offer, but they really should have been left out of Score Attack mode. Also-as is the case with most Cave games, but especially this one-the complex scoring system could have some players scratching their heads and wondering what the point of it all is. It took me a while to really get into it, and at first I thought I didn’t like it too much. Give it some time, though, and all of the elements will sink in.

Now, who’s ready for the localized version of Deathsmiles?

Anyone who’s read my previous article about this game knows I wasn’t exactly looking forward to Final Fantasy XIII. A borderline obsessed fan of FFs VI through X, I’ve been disappointed by most of Square’s recent efforts regarding the series, including VII spinoff Crisis Core and Final Fantasy XII. While I stand by my bashing of character design and storyline in Final Fantasy XIII Will Probably Suck, I’m not ready to write the game off as a total failure.

Final Fantasy XIII both reinforced and smashed my initial low expectations. It’s a mixed bag of good and bad surprises that left me simultaneously clutching a Cactaur plushie to my chest in full-out fandom appreciation, and throwing that same plushie violently down the stairs in fits of bitter, bitter frustration.

Vital to the genre, storyline is an undeniably important part of any JRPG. Unfortunately, for me XIII’s plot just doesn’t stack up to others in terms of interest or complexity. Maybe it’s because the main events of the game take place over just a few short days—much of the background story is told through lengthy flashback sequences—or maybe the constant jumping between characters is just too disruptive, but no matter how hard XIII tries, it doesn’t reach the epic scale that previous Final Fantasies strove for. It’s far too vague, continuously rehashes the same plot points, and lacks a true villain, instead substituting several forgettable characters that enter and leave the storyline before establishing themselves as real threats or memorable adversaries. The focus the game places on the development of the main party backfires, as all personality growth we see seems forced and hackneyed.

And seriously, holy freaking cutscenes. I typically love in-game videos, but XIII is unparalleled in cutscene overkill. The constant, and I mean constant, interruption from gameplay is distracting and really contributes to the fact that the greater part of FFXIII plays like an introduction. Why give me a cutscene, let me control my character for the express purpose of walking past a tree or across a bridge, then give me another 3-5 minute cutscene immediately after? Many of these videos are completely unnecessary and do nothing for the player except reinforce the fact that yeah, XIII’s real pretty. Yeah, the graphics are good.

If the dialogue was high caliber, the excess amount of watching you do might not be a problem, but XIII’s unconvincing melodrama and weak character development cannot carry the game. The characters, especially Lightning, start off somewhat strong with their own goals and agenda, but as Chapter Five draws to a close, everyone breaks, and Final Fantasy XIII turns into a raging hugfest. My dad came into the room when I was playing, sat down, watched a few minutes of the feel-good friendship powwow and asked, “You paid sixty dollars for this?” And while above passable for video games—which as a rule have pretty terrible voice acting—the cast, with a few exceptions, turns already poorly scripted characters into caricatures. The affectations they adapt are quick to annoy even those ears primed for bad voice overs by years of dubbed anime. I will say this though, the English synching is excellent, and had it been combined with better acting, would have done wonders to immerse players in the game’s environment.

The diverse world of XIII does offer a glimpse at what could have been if Square showed some restraint with the characters. Without the forced camaraderie the story is salvageable, even good. The tale of the fal’Cie, celestial beings that allow all functions large and small to take place in the floating sanctuary of Cocoon, the separation of this sanctuary from the larger world outside of it, are fairly standard Final Fantasy themes that aren’t inherently bad in their own right. And the fact that our heroes are outcasts of society, hunted by the government—while again not unique to this Final Fantasy—is interesting enough and could have been so much more had the focus been on their physical survival rather than their extreme emotions.

The battle system is XIII’s saving grace. Although in the game’s opening chapters level caps and limited abilities kick things off to a slow start, once you finally start unlocking techniques and abilities the quick paced Auto-Battle system demonstrates its true potential.

I hesitate to say it, but I actually kinda sort of like Auto-Battle. Some call it a huge departure from traditional turn-based combat, but to me it’s more akin to what we’ve seen in older Final Fantasies than say, the gambit system in FFXII. The game plays itself in a sense, with players taking a backseat to the main action. While you can have up to three characters in your party, you’ve only got control of one, and even then control means pressing the X button and letting your party leader run wild with the single command of Auto-Battle. Attacks, healing, and all other abilities (all Auto) are determined by the game’s artificial intelligence; you can manually select techniques if you’re so inclined, but there’s really no reason to do so. In fact, the AI fights better and faster than you probably ever could, generally making the right decisions in the shortest amount of time possible. You’re just going to fuck it the fuck up.

The very idea will probably spike the blood pressure of devoted strategists, but actually, Auto-Battle can be hella fun. Instead of taking direct action, you watch over the party acting as a monitor of sorts, inserting special techniques when needed, determining the correct timing for healing and attacks, interrupting the chain of commands if you have to, and shifting Paradigms. Paradigms determine what role each of your party members will play during combat, from one of six. There’s the heavy hitting Commando, red mage-inspired Ravagers, healing Medics, supportive Synergists, status ailment inflicting Saboteurs, and damage absorbing Sentinels. You’ve got to pick the right combination and pick them fast, switching in between pre-arranged Paradigms from your Paradigm deck mid-battle. All conflicts begin with a clean slate, as after each and every encounter party members are fully healed, making items like potions and phoenix downs only marginally important. Magic and spells are unlimited and there is no MP cost for anything. Techniques expend TP points which are not automatically refilled, but you don’t use them often enough in order for this to become a problem. Timing becomes the player’s main focus.

It sounds easy, but boss fights will test your skills, forcing you to switch continuously in and out of Paradigms in order to keep your party healthy and your opponent covered. Your battle score—which determines the quality of spoils earned from the encounter—is based on how quickly you can eliminate your opponents. With a preemptive strike involved, battles can end in as little as two seconds. You’ve got to keep an eye at all times on the newly introduced Chain Gauge, attempting to build it up and maintain your chain bonus to maximize your damage dealing potential. Your goal is to fill up the gauge and Stagger your enemies, a task that when faced with enemies that have superior resistance, is vital to the success of the party. It can also be completely engaging.

At other times, not so much. It’s no more repetitive a system than we’ve seen in previous Final Fantasy titles, but the constant, unchanging use of Auto-Battle in common enemy encounters can get way old way fast. You have the opportunity to experiment with tougher foes, but the best and simplest solution for defeating certain enemy types is always the same, so you’ll find yourself using preset strategies over and over. There’s countless combinations of roles for a seemingly limitless number of Paradigms, but there’s bound to be those you’ll always depend on, and those you never use at all. It’s up to the player to keep experimenting.

I think XIII was headed in the right direction, but some of Auto-Battle’s minor kinks hurt its overall enjoyment factor. I mentioned that the pace of combat is often too quick for you to get tricky and start manually inputting commands. The intense speed is what makes tougher battles fun, but slowing combat down and forcing players to choose their own techniques—whether for a party leader or even all characters—might have put the kibosh on button mashing. I had huge issues with targeting. Some AI roles manually target the enemy you select as the target of your party leader, some don’t and attack enemies at random. There is really no way to change this, and inevitably sometimes the AI will just refuse to do what you want it to. Also, when you control a Medic or a Synergist within Paradigms that feature an AI character of the same role, you have no way of telling which party member they’ll target. If you chose to heal or support the same character the secondary party member does, you may be wasting spells and valuable ATB segments.

Going with the battle system XIII’s method for leveling, the Crystarium, has its own ups and downs. In a fashion similar to FFX’s Sphere grid, you spend Crystogen Points in order for each character to move through their respective Crystarium grids, learning abilities and upping stats by acquiring crystals in each of the different available character roles. All of the characters have their own specialties, excelling in certain roles and possessing limited abilities in others, making leveling them up a great way to utilize the strategy many may find lacking in Auto-Battle. By picking and choosing what roles to advance each character in, you can make the most of your favorite Paradigms. It’s a good, solid system that allows for the kind of contained customization Final Fantasy is known for.

The only problem? The Crystarium is completely set, and different levels of it are only unlocked at certain points in the storyline. While you can respawn enemies and level grind to your heart’s content, you won’t be able to fully take advantage of all the EXP you’ve earned (Crystogen Points are EXP, no matter what the Piggyback strategy guide says) until the endgame. In fact, beating the game’s final boss is the only thing that will unlock the entire Crystarium. You can not hope to achieve max level for any character role until you complete the main storyline. You can top out your potential for each chapter, but no more than what the game sees fit to allow.

This level cap is XIII’s way of evening the odds, preventing players like me, who like to level up keeping one step above enemies, from getting too tough too fast. The first two chapters of the game actually offer zero character growth, making battles pointless except as a way of stockpiling components or CP for the third chapter, when the Crystarium is finally introduced.

The difficulty curve is bullshit frustrating, and the fact that we’ve got to beatthe game before we can max out levels is ridiculous. The game guide lets players know right away, finishing all of the XIII’s sidequests is near impossible without fulfilling certain parts of the final Crystarium stages, so if you want 100% completion you’ll have to earn it after your first playthrough. This won’t bother some people, but for the player who views the game as a complete story, the player whose main goal is to complete the storyline, the mark missions—XIII’s most promising sidequest and a dumbed-down version of FFXII’s hunts—are rendered pointless.

Everyone’s talked about how linear much of the game is, and it’s true. It is starkly, unforgivingly linear. Within the initial stages, alternate paths within your environments are extremely limited. Travel from location to location is completely fixed. You’re forced into using particular parties with unchangeable party leaders at all times until Chapter 10. Combine this with the level capping and the overload of cutscenes, and you’ve got a game with an introduction that spans 9 Chapters. The slow reveal of the Crystarium and full access to the battle system is a risky maneuver; many players aren’t going to make it past the early stages, abandoning XIII before it the hours of gameplay finally come to fruition.

XIII is supposed to open up when you leave the shelter of the artificial world Cocoon and end up in the untamed lowlands of Gran Pulse. And while it does and your horizon is much bigger and wider than in Cocoon, I felt the opportunities for sidequests and exploration were still very limited compared to previous Final Fantasies. There’s a few optional areas to mine for treasure, the ability to dig up buried goods while riding chocobos, the choice to hunt marks and set free the souls of failed l’Cie, and that’s about it. None of these sidequests really complements the storyline, their aim not to advance or deepen XIII’s world, plot, or characters&8212hence there is no problem completing them after the storyline is over—but rather to get components for weapons upgrading, new accessories, or CP. Mark hunting is the only sidequest with real potential but even it fails to compare to its predecessor, the massive hunt missions of FFXII which despite my distaste for XII in general were a thoroughly engaging gameplay experience on their own. In XIII you’ve got only 64 Marks to complete, and all exist only within a few set areas of Gran Pulse. You do have the opportunity to work towards Trophies and Achievements, which will be a definite draw some players, but out of the thirty something Trophies available, 13 are awarded for completing regular gameplay, and eight are wrapped up within the mark missions sidequest.

The same level cap that stunts the development of characters also affects weapons and accessories. In XIII, each character has just eight basic weapons to find or buy throughout the main storyline, but each of these weapons can be upgraded, leveled up with items called compounds and then changed with a catalyst into a completely new, better weapon. These improved versions can be upgraded as well, with further use of components for leveling and a second catalyst. By means of this second transformation each of the weapons is changed to its final form, the character’s ultimate weapon, which can also be leveled up until it reaches maximum capacity. Gone are the days when best weapons were a direct reward for traversing dangerous locales, defeating challenging battles, or completing obscure sidequests. Now there’s as many as eight ultimate weapons for each character, and they are all obtainable through the same process. Accessories are upgraded similarly.

Just as many of the Mark missions are beatable only after winning XIII’s final boss fight, unless you’re prepared to devote some serious time to excess battling, you won’t have nearly enough components to efficiently level up a weapon or accessory until the later stages of the game. You can buy components too, but gil is difficult to come by, and the best shops aren’t immediately available. You earn most of your money selling spoils so either way, if you want better gear you’ve got to fight hard for it.

The upgrade system does lend another dimension of complexity to the game. You’ve got to plan early on, determine which weapons and accessories you want to use and how to develop them efficiently and effectively. Unless you’ve got all the time and/or gil in the world, you aren’t going to be able to max out more than one or two for each character during regular gameplay and even then the right combination is crucial. Equipping accessories and weapons in the same Synthesis Group will produce special hidden abilities in your characters. Figuring out the most effective mix itself can be a time consuming but interesting process.

I did say hidden abilities. Much of the special properties associated with weapons and accessories are not spelled out for you onscreen, you’ve got to figure them out yourself through experimentation. If you want to make the most of leveling weapons but you’re the type of person that prefers not to use a strategy guide, good luck to you, sir. The dependency of a perfect playthrough on having an expensive strategy guide has been a plague of the series for some time, but its especially apparent with XIII and its upgrading system.

There’s minor factors that contribute to the game’s strengths and weaknesses. While in general the main menu is sleekly, effectively designed, the Crystarium section in particular is just beautiful. Everything on the field maps from save stations to treasure spheres blends in perfectly with the environment, except perhaps when you get to Gran Pulse. Attention to detail is spectacular, from the glow on Lightning’s Guardian Force armor to the writing etched into her gunblade.

Although I wasn’t initially impressed by the game’s first level The Hanging Edge—a bunch of bridges with similarly arranged rubble throughout—as the locations expanded and became more exotic, so did the scenery. The skyscapes, both during gameplay and in FMVs, are absolutely breathtaking. The battle interface is nice, allowing prime viewing space, although it comes at the expense of the Health bar, which I found to be a bit small and hard to read even when sitting close to a high definition screen. The way some staple Final Fantasy creatures have been updated and reimagined demonstrates the best of the Square team’s creativity. The battle camera rotates automatically and rarely needs adjusting, but the field map camera can be wonky, especially when you’re trying to get a preemptive strike or figure out where you’re going after a fight. The Datalog, a massive compilation of story and character information, enemy intel, and tutorials, is impressive, but useless unless you want to sit for hours reading instead of actually playing the game.

Taking both pros and cons into consideration Final Fantasy XIII is by no means a bad game, but it’s not a great one either. Lacking a compelling storyline and remaining unflinchingly linear throughout much of its main events, XIII is by no means near perfect. It’s a Final Fantasy, and will have its devoted fanbase, but compared to precious installments it lacks complexity, and the level caps and Crystarium locks prevent players from realizing the battle system’s potential in a timely, effective manner.

I’m torn between two ratings. My gut says three but excluding my opinions on storyline, which I can admit are subjective, and comparing this game to other games as opposed to other Final Fantasies, a four seems more appropriate. Taking a look at Binge Gamer’s scoring criteria confirms it, Final Fantasy XIII fits in well with four-seal requirements—Pretty-to-very good. While not “zomg” quality excellence, these games are more than adequate and even show flashes of brilliance—especially considering the amount of effort that went into making it. Keep in mind it’s much closer to being pretty good than very.

I’m still interested to hear what non-fans of the series have to say about it. If by some one in a million chance you’re a person for whom XIII was the first Final Fantasy, please hit up the comments section and let me know what you think.

Note: I own and have only played the PS3 version of the game. I have not seen its Xbox 360 incarnation.

I’ve been excited for Sonic and SEGA All-Stars Racing since I first played a floor demo at E3 2009. As both Perry and Myself mentioned (repeatedly), the game had a general feel of Mario Kart, only with SEGA characters. Very little has changed since I first played the game all those moons ago, and that is a very, very good thing.

Sonic and SEGA All-Stars Racing includes some twenty racers (number fluxuates slightly between consoles) spanning several SEGA franchises. While it’s nice to see some familiar faces like Alex Kidd, Crazy Taxi’s B.D. Joe and Jacky Bryant/Akira Yuki (who both pilot the familiar Outrun convertable), nearly half of the stable are characters from Sonic games. While characters like Sonic, Dr. Eggman Robotnik and Knuckles are all welcome, I don’t think the game would’ve suffered by excluding Amy, Shadow or Big. Their inclusion in the final game, especially considering that characters like ToeJam & Earl and Gilius Thunderhead were rumored to be included early on.

But then again, that’s why DLC exists.

The Xbox 360 and Wii versions of the game allow players to race as their Mii and Avatar, respectively, while the Xbox 360 also gives players an exclusive kart featuring the dynamic duo of Banjo and Kazooie.

While the racers stretch across just about every major SEGA franchise the tracks are more limited, only drawing from a few franchises. That’s not to take away from each individual track, as each of the game’s 24 tracks are well designed with enough tight turns, loops, twists and splitting paths to keep each race interesting. The aesthetics leave a little to be desired, though, especially in the Sonic-inspired stages that only draw from three levels: “Green Hill,” “Casino Nights,” and (I assume) “Flying Battery.” Considering all the incredible things that could have been done, just from the Sonic games (a forest course based off “Aquatic Ruin,” the ability to alter the opponent’s course via Sonic CD-inspired time travel, etc.), it’s somewhat disappointing.

There are four game modes for those of you who want to sit back with a cool beverage and take a few laps. The two big modes are your standard Grand Prix mode, where you play through a series of races against seven other opponents, and a Mission mode which has you racing through a series of tests that range from “win a race” to “run over X number of critters with Billy Hatcher’s big ass egg.” There are countless Missions to be played and almost all of them (read: any not involving Big the Cat) are quite fun.

You also have the regular ol’ Single Race and Time Trials modes that are all too commonplace in racing games.

Once you pick your driver and hop into the game, the controls are incredibly simple.Turning is easy, responsive and relatively precise (depending on your character’s handling rating) and allows for players to quickly hop into the game for the first time and be competitive. The drifting mechanic also works well, pushing players to test different routes on each track to squeeze every millisecond off your time. Looking at the time trial leaderboards, some of you people have entirely too much time on your hands.

And I envy you.

Learning the best way to tackle each track is just one factor in a particular race. Another big factor is the use of the in-game weapons and other pick-ups. Most of the weapons are your standard affair (missiles, lock-on missiles, speed boosts and mines) and, for the most part, are largely forgettable. Every character also has a special All-Star boost. While this ultimately acts as little more than a speed boost on meth and Kit Kat bars, it’s never overpowering as it is only available when you’re way behind. It’s also pretty fun to watch Sonic become Super Sonic, or four of your Xbox LIVE friends pick up your Avatar’s car and carry you to the front of the pack.

The multiplayer is… conflicting. When you’re in a race, the game run smoothly with very few connection hiccups. It’s quite fun and, if you have a group of people on their mics, the back-and-forth smacktalk can be quite entertaining. All is not well with the multiplayer, though. For starters, you can only take part in single races. No mission-style races, no grand prix multi-race marathons. Another minor complaint is with the way the online lobbies are set-up — a filter to differentiate between lobbies that aren’t yet in races with lobbies that are in the middle of a race would have been really useful.

Visually, the game is quite a treat. Each of the major franchises represented in the track design are done so well, whether it be zombies shambling across the House of the Dead Curien Mansion stages or your eyes being assaulted by the colorful displays in the Samba de Amigo levels. In addition to the overall art stylings, the detail in each track is truly impressive. It’ll take you several runs to catch everything going on around you, to be sure.

The design of each character’s kart is also worthy of praise, as no single kart looks bland or out of place for their characters.

Audio is appropriate. The music is light-hearted and all the proper sound effects are more than adequate. The only reason I bring up the audio at all is to point out that hearing the “Sonic and SEGA All-Stars Racing” announcer every time you start the game is freakin’ annoying after a month. The in-race commentary is pretty good, though.

TL;DR

Does Sonic and SEGA All-Stars Racing do anything new or exciting with the kart racing genre? Not really. The cynical would call it Mario Kart with a hedgehog, and they wouldn’t be entirely wrong in that assumption. But at the end of the day, SSASR(fBK)* is a damn fun racer and is, far and away, the best non-Mario Kart kart racer I’ve played since Diddy Kong Racing — which I thought was awesome and anyone who says otherwise is wrong.

I’m a lifelong Trekkie and anyone who doesn’t believe me is invited to watch The Wrath of Khan with me while I recite every line by memory. I’ve gone to the cons. I’ve adorned a Starfleet Uniform. I can even recite Hamlet in Klingonese. So you can imagine my excitement when Star Trek Online was first announced and my utter disappointment after spending a month with the game.

But that doesn’t mean that everything in Star Trek Online is bad. In fact, several things are done very well while others are simply unfinished.

Star Trek Online takes place in the year 2409 of the Prime Timeline, not the alternate timeline created for the 2009 reboot. This puts it 22 years after the destruction of Romulus and 30 years after the events of Star Trek Nemesis. Without going into details, the Klingon and Federation Alliance has dissolved and there is now open warfare between the two factions. To make matters worse the Borg have returned. How all this will ultimately play out is anyone’s guess, but it makes for good cannon fodder.

Character and Ship Customization

Like most other MMOs, Star Trek Online begins with you creating your character. This is easily the best aspect of the game, as the character creation mechanic is easily the deepest in almost any video game, MMO or otherwise. You have several established alien races to choose from but if none of them meet to your liking you can just as easily create your own alien race. This is where the creator truly shines as you are given almost limitless options to customize your alien.

You’ll also have the opportunity to customize your own uniform, though the options here are far less in numbers. Understandable, considering that having people running around in hot pink uniforms with neon green hotpants would just be stupid.

Starship customization is also well done. Rather than designing your own ship, though, you select from several starship options that all fall into a particular category. This way each vessel can look unique while still carrying the same basic design shape of a particular class. Additionally, you have a few options for customized paint jobs which are nifty for yourself, but for the most part aren’t noticeable on other ships.

You also have the ability to customize your starship’s bridge, which you can then enter and run around in. While it’s definitely a cool idea and I can see several uses for this in the future, as it stands the bridge has zero reason for existing apart from the initial “cool” factor that quickly wains.

Exploration, Or Lack Thereof

If you’re not aware, Star Trek is based largely on exploration. Naturally, you’d think Star Trek Online would have a refined, well designed exploration mechanic. Sadly, you would be so, so very wrong.

Unlike other MMOs, which has everything existing in a single big ass world, Star Trek Online is broken up into bite-sized chunks. While it sounds like a good idea in theory, in practice all it does is rip you out of the game with a loading screen. While slightly annoying, it would be forgivable if not for the fact that in every sector block there are solar systems — all of which require loading screens.

We’re not talking about quick loads, either. We’re talking about old school loading screens — the kind where you could go to the bathroom, grab a can of cola and come back to still find the damn thing loading.

Apart from the technical issues, the exploration itself is a joke. There are only a few “uncharted” areas in the game, each of which have randomly spawning systems to explore or anomalies to scan. The reason why this exploration fails is because A.) The missions are in no way different than they are in the rest of the game. B.) Once you’ve visited a planet, you have no way of returning.

That’s right. Once you’ve visited a planet and completed a mission you have no way of going back to that planet unless another mission is based there. In fact, there are only a few planets and space stations you can visit regularly, including Vulcan, Risa, Qo’nos and Deep Space Nine. Strangely enough, Earth isn’t explorable, though the spacedock in orbit of Earth is a major hub.

This is a damn shame when you realize that each and every planet you visit is gorgeous in one form or another. Even Vulcan, which is notorious amongst Trekkies for looking like ass, is pretty to run around and explore. So… why can’t we explore these “unexplored” worlds more? And moreover, how come we’re only given a small section of the planet in which we can explore? It’s like the first Mass Effect where we have all these worlds but only given a small patch of land to run around and, you know, explore. How come that during explore missions we can’t even be allowed to explore the whole planet? I shouldn’t be able to run from one side of the explorable area to another in under two minutes.

Damn I say “explore” a lot.

Missions, Combat and PvP

You get to take part in both space and ground combat and is quite simple — which is good, since 85% of the missions, referred to as “episodes”, involve little more than you moving from point A to point B while going pew pew on anything that isn’t wearing a Starfleet uniform. The other 15% are divided between talking to a bunch of people to get answers for an arbitrary and pointless quiz, and running around an uninhabited area of land scanning plants or ship wreckage.

Space missions are about the same, though it’s more 60/40 Combat vs. Scanning. You’ll also have the occasional space mission where you’ll be asked to deliver a bunch of resources (Medical Supplies, for instance) to a planet. These missions are found primarily on exploring missions and are generated randomly, but if you get two of them during one exploration mission it can actually cost you more to finish these missions than it would for you to quit.

The combat is also simple. Too simple. The ground combat boils down to little more than pressing “C” to crouch and then striking the “1″ button until your enemy is dead. Your other number buttons allow for special attacks, but rarely will you need them. Space combat can be summed up in two words:

You can set only a certain number of weapons to auto-fire, but apart from that you’ll find yourself striking the damn spacebar more than any other key in the game.

I also noticed something of a balancing issue. Enemies drop almost entirely too easily. In ground missions you can dispatch several waves of enemies at one time without any kind of help apart from your away team. In space missions, unless the enemy vessel is several levels higher than you (or a D’deridex-class Warbird), you’ll often find yourself tearing through them with only a few phaser blasts and a handful of torpedoes.

This isn’t to say that the combat mechanics are bad. They actually work quite well and are easy to pick up and use without much acclimation. The trade off for simple controls is that the game can get painfully boring after a few hours.

Should you die (and you will die), your only penalty is waiting fifteen seconds for a respawn. That’s it. No damage to your gear, no having to run through any kind of spirit realm to find your corpse, nothing. It’s a joke.

The Player-vs-Player is pretty good in small chunks, though (and this is a personal gripe) the overabundance of hold attacks can lead to one side slaughtering the other. I’ve been on both sides of it and neither has been particularly fun.

The Klingons

The Klingon campaign deserves special mention for being absolutely broken. First off, you can’t create a Klingon character until you’ve leveled up a few times. Secondly, the Klingon training mission is convoluted, poorly explained and it’s a real pain in the ass to even find, let alone complete. Third, once you’ve completely the half-assed Klingon tutorial (where you get your bridge crew) you find that pretty much all you can do as a Klingon is PvP.

In short: It’s not done. It’s nowhere near close to being done. While the Federation faction has the same bug issues any MMO has at launch, the Klingon campaign is simply not finished. Hell, some of the Klingon uniforms are missing textures, for cryin’ out loud.

I’m not saying it’s buggy or even broken. I’m saying it is not done. As it stands it feels like a bunch of gameplay elements that have been stapled together in a mad dash to meet the release date.

For that, I don’t blame Cryptic as much as I blame Atari for giving Cryptic almost zero time to complete it.

Prettiest. MMO. Ever.

Star Trek Online is far and away the most visually impressive MMORPG I’ve ever seen. Character models are rivaled by no other MMO, with intricate detail easily visible on each and every living being in the galaxy. Ship models are also greatly detailed, though with many of them looking similar to each other (even when customized), you tend not to notice it after a while. The planets, as mentioned before, are varied and gorgeous. All of them. They beg to be explored more than the square area we’re given.

Apart from Leonard Nimoy’s Spock, and Zachary Quinto as an EMH that sounds like Spock, the voice acting is… well, there isn’t much of it but the voice acting that’s there is pretty damn awful. There is a particular mission where you encounter the Guardian of Forever. This is… the worst thing I’ve ever heard. Here’s a brief comparison of the Guardian of Forever voices: The first is from the TOS classic “City on the Edge of Forever” while the second is from the game:

…what else is there to say? The other voice acting ranges from sufficient to this level of awful.

At least the music is good, though there aren’t any recognizable orchestral scores from Star Trek in the game. All the same, the music is excellent at does an excellent job of setting the mood for whatever mission you happen to be on.

Potential in the Future

While Star Trek Online is far from being a particularly deep game, there is still potential for it to be rather good with a little more time. All Cryptic needs to do is build on what’s good with the game while fleshing out the bad points. Much of what I’ve pointed out to be negatives in the game are things that can be remedied with just a little more polishing or, in a few cases, a do-over (read: Guardian of Forever). Add some depth to the missions that are already in the game, perhaps add some missions based on diplomacy and, most importantly, for the love of God FINISH THE KLINGON FACTION.

Even if Cryptic were to address every issue brought to them by the fans, Trekkies would still label STO a “failure” simply because it wasn’t what they wanted. If you read the Star Trek Online forums, you’ll find more than a few complaint threads written by people who expected this to be a full-on Star Trek simulation. Sadly their hopes were dashed when they realized that all they were given was a video game.

TL;DR

Star Trek Online has all the core components to make a great MMO, but Cryptic needs to take the time and put it all together and expand on it. While there are certainly many things that could, should and surely will be addressed, first and foremost STO needs more meat on its bones in terms of mission variety. As it stands you have either A.) Scan rocks or B.) Kill people. Sometimes you have C.) Kill people to scan rocks, but apart from that there isn’t much to do. There are some group instances that can be pretty fun (read: Crystalline Entity) but most people will get bored with the game long before they level up enough to access this content.

If you’re a die hard Trekkie, you’ll either love it or hate it. For everyone else, though, unless you’re willing to put up with the growing pains of any other MMO then you should hold off for a few months. But I have faith in Cryptic and will surely be checking back with STO come the holiday season.

Dynasty Warriors is a prime example of “love it or hate it”. While some find the game redundant, mindless, and lacking innovation, others see it as a majestical dance in sunshine sugar fields of orgasmic pleasure—just brimming with armed bodies to decapitate as you please.

I fall into the latter category, loving the damn things like a hobo loves liquor.

Which brings us to Dynasty Warriors Strikeforce. I missed the PSP version which launched last April (though I did catch the demo which was pretty tight). Because of this, I was anxious to see what joys a console port would bring.

But when I finally got to play it, I was stricken with a blended smoothie of bitter emotion. To be fair, Dynasty Warriors Strikeforce is certainly fun and doesn’t come close to the awful I’ve seen in many, many games reviewed for this site. However, it’s far from up to snuff when contrasted with past games in the series, leaving me hungry for an experience it’s utterly incapable of delivering.

If you’re wondering about the gameplay, don’t. It’s classic Dynasty Warriors through and through. More solid than ever, the controls are sharp as a scimitar, making for some praise-worthy wartime fun. Simply put, mashing buttons in random combinations to wipe out wave after wave of enemy troops never felt so good.

Unfortunately, the same can’t be said about the game’s camera. Controlled with the right analog stick, I don’t recall the last time I’ve had to struggle so much to get the right perspective on the action. It’s so incredibly sensitive and finicky that its hard not to notice. You know those plants that shrivel up when you touch them? Yeah, it’s sort of like that.

The same issue plagues the lock-on system. While not as bad as the camera, you’ll likely struggle to highlight the enemy you want to focus on.

New to the game is the fury gauge. Replacing the Musou bar of Dynasty Warriors past, the fury gauge powers up your officer a lot like this, boosting your jump height, attack power, the number of executable dashes, and other abilities.

Oh, and dashing is badass as hell. Easily the coolest, and most useful, feature of gameplay, dash attacks are used constantly to take down enemies and reach high platforms. If you play the game, you’ll know what I mean.

Your character also rocks a secondary weapon of your choosing, a welcome alternative to the shoddy bow of past Dynasty Warriors titles. Although you’re stuck with the primary weapon assigned to your officer (same weapon set as DW6, in case you were wondering), the secondary weapon makes up for it—at least a little.

Dynasty Warriors Strikeforce is heavily built around character customization, something that works as a double-edged sword as far as execution goes. Certainly, adding “chi” to each of your limbs, orbs to your weapons, and items to your characters inventory makes battles easier and more entertaining, but the overall process of upgrading anything is a bloody burden.

Allow me to explain. Between stages, you explore your city, which is also upgradable. This acts as a sort of storefront where you can buy new goodies for your character. Every upgrade, from weapons to orbs, costs both gold and the raw materials to manufacture the item.

Now, here’s where things get confusing…

Actually, you know what? I don’t want to explain it. Fuck it. It’s just so damn complicated and it hurts my head to think about it. Not worth it. I mean, yeah, it’s possible to understand how it works, but there’s just so much you have to keep track of. It’s pointless.

What once consisted of tacking a couple of orbs on your character is an overly ambitious “trade system” where you exchange materials and cash for new shit. All in all, the process is ridiculous. You have to keep track of so many colors, numbers, and items that you’ll find yourself forgoing upgrades and just sticking it out with a crummy, low-level sword. For a hack-and-slash, this system is far too intricate. Just power up my guy, and let me slice some bitches to bits already.

Of course, the biggest let down is the lack of something this game really should have in the first place; there’s no local co-op. That’s right, kids. In Dynasty Warriors Strikeforce, you can’t play split-screen with your buddies. This inexplicable absence of something that’s been in the game since the damn beginning is baffling and unforgivable.

To its credit, Dynasty Warriors: Strikeforce offers an online mulitplayer co-op that supports up to four players at a time (which—due to unfortunate issues with my Internet connection—I am unable to review), but the fact that I can’t call up a friend and play with him/her on a split screen is pathetic. Every other game in the franchise has it; why can’t this one. Tell me, how hard is it to program a split-screen co-op?

So instead of human player support, the single player mode accommodates you with NPC generals that follow you around like bodyguards did in other games. They’re far more intelligent and capable than the bodyguards of the past, kicking some serious ass. Not to mention it’s pretty sweet to have Cao Cao and Zhen Ji backing you with the press of a button. You feel like a crack team of Navy SEALS, but with swords instead of special ops experience and machine guns. Still, it’s no split-screen co-op. *sad face*

While pretty for a DW game, the environment lack the expanse one enjoyed in past games. Load screens appear between transitions from one part of a level to the other. If you get knocked back by an enemy near one of these points, you have to wait for the next area to load, then run back, triggering yet another load screen. Don’t get me wrong—the load time is only about five seconds, and I understand this is a port from a handheld game. But this gets frustrating if it happens more than once. Plus, we’re talking stages far smaller than the massive landscapes in games as far back as DW2. I didn’t have load screens then. Why now?

Unfortunately, that’s another area where Strikeforce goes horribly wrong. While the god-awful draw distances of the past are no longer an issue, enemies literally spawn in front of you. Not to mention they spawn indefinitely. In the past, enemies would only reappear until you kill their captain. In Strikeforce, you can hack away for hours without a single breath of air. Because of this, a game once based upon killing throngs of enemies to rack up a tally in the many hundreds is reduced to “Fuck it, I’m just powering through the stage as fast as I can.”

Oh, and you can’t display the health bar of common baddies either. Only certain enemies have a life gauge, and the joy of depleting a dozen red bars in a single swipe is strictly a thing of the past.

The Final Verdict

Ultimately this is a polished port that could have benefited from a little more time and focus. While the game is fun, you won’t stay too long due to the over-complicated upgrade system. While Strikeforce has plenty of redeeming qualities, it’s not exactly a must-buy for console-owning DW fans. Though not a bad game by any means, even the most devout DW devotees will find disappointment upon seeing a classic stripped of many of the features that made it so fun in the first place.

So is Dynasty Warriors Strikeforce at least a rental? Eh, why not? But because of some over-complicated elements in a game that should be kept simple, I lost interest in just a few hours. I understand that this is the port of a PSP title (perhaps it should have remained a handheld exclusive). But this time around, I actually wish this were a case of “been there, done that” and not a case of “been there, but where’s everything gone?”

I have the feeling the online play would garner the game a few more points, so I can’t knock it that hard. I’ve been a fan of the DW series for years, having played the game since it stopped being a fighter (crazy, no?). Perhaps I spend too much time comparing Strikeforce to the old games, but when it hardly revolutionizes something already done right—taking away from the game I fell in love with—it’s kind of hard not to.

Try it if you’re still drooling over the thought of another DW, but save your pennies for Dynasty Warriors 7 if you’re expecting anything more than mediocre.

The first episode of Sony’s reality series The Tester premiered today on the PlayStation Network. And: It. Is. Boring.

Let’s roleplay for a minute. You walk into the kitchen. There’s a classic Hershey’s bar, a Three Musketeers, and a Snickers on the table.

Maybe you like lots of stuff in your candy. You go for the Snickers. Maybe you’re a minimalist. Fine, take the Hershey’s.

But no one anywhere will choose a Three Musketeers unless it’s the only option. It’s just nougat. And chocolate. It’s unoffensive. But it’s not special.

The Tester is that Three Musketeer’s Bar.

It’s not that the show sucks. The production’s fine, and for gamers it’s got natural appeal. The reason for The Tester’s nougat-only excitement level is its cast: contestants, host, and judges. They’re just way too nice to be entertaining.

Almost everyone on The Tester (Hal Sparks pending) seems like a decent person. Bubbly and tastefully hot Meredith Molinari hosts, and her inability to threaten even the most timid of contestants is adorable. Man/imp hybrid Sparks keeps his usual VH1 grade douchebaggery to a minimum. Expert Brent Gocke, First Party QA’s Release Manager, and guest judge Petro Piaseckyj act as stern but loving disciplinarians. And while Sony does its best to assign stereotypes—world ranked Guitar Hero player Star is the bad girl, Brooklynite Luge is a dolt, and Doc is the funny fat guy—even with strategically chosen soundbites and comedic background music the entire cast seems like a chill bunch, bitch, broad, and Fatty Arbuckle included.

Where are the crazies? The weirdos? The usual reality show fodder that spin television gold with unintentional hilarity? You can’t tell me that on all of the PSN, Sony couldn’t find one bad egg to spice up this squeaky clean ensemble. I mean, it’s no Xbox LIVE, but seriously.

I guess Sony couldn’t run the risk of polluting their own ranks with one of the unwashed masses. The best thing about this show is its prize, securing a job as an SCEA game tester. While this may not seem like a big deal to some, both Gocke and Piaseckyj, who’s Sony’s International Software Marketing Manager, started in the business with that same position.

The first task our rather agreeable crew is forced to complete is a high pressure find the differences challenge. Individually, each competitor sits before a screen in front of the judges and picks out the differences between two side-by-side images. They’ve got 90 seconds to demonstrate eye for detail.

No one royally bombs, and no one aces it. Every contestant displays the right mixture of cockiness and humility. Paint dries. Grass grows. The entire show is utterly uneventful.

If you’re still so inclined, the thirty minute Tester doesn’t waste much time, but the only real reason to download this show is because it’s free. And you’ve got to be bored. Very bored. So bored you’ve already downloaded all the PSN’s free demos. And nothing’s on cable. And it’s raining. And your friends are on vacation. And the internet’s down. And you’re all out of Snickers.

Oh, and in case I haven’t discouraged your download: SPOILER ALERT!
Another reason future episodes won’t be hogging my gigs: My favorite character is the first to go. Barmy, a sweetly awkward chap whose nerves got the best of him, was sent home along with Resident evil fan Roni. And while the show paints him as weird, I wish he could’ve stuck around. I’ve got a weakness for dapper tie sporting gentlemen. Barmy, I don a monocle in your memory, sir.

The first Mass Effect was nothing short of a masterpiece and was ultimately my 2007 Game of the Year (you bunch of BioShock lovers, you). It set the bar so high for storytelling and world immersion that it had not been equaled by any game since.

Until now, of course. Mass Effect 2 takes everything that made the original great and tweaks it ever-so-slightly while giving a major overhaul to the few aspects from the first game that didn’t quite work. If you don’t read anything else but this opening paragraph and the obligatory score at the bottom, know this:Mass Effect 2 is not perfect. But it’s pretty damn close.

Story, Universe and Characters

The first twenty minutes of the game boil down like this: You’re on the SSV Normandy with the rest of your crew from the first Mass Effect. The ship comes under attack by an unnamed enemy and Shepard ultimately goes down with the ship. You are, for all intents and purposes, dead as shit.

Until you’re suddenly not.

As it turns out a group called Cerberus has found your carcass and decided that rather than let the galaxy’s most badass Spectre die like a punk, they would rebuild him; make him better, stronger, faster the exact same as he was before he died. The story picks up two years later with the newly resurrected Shepard waking up in a Cerberus labratory and, after escaping, meeting the leader of the group who is known only as Evil President Bartlett The Illusive Man, who both is voiced by and looks quite similar to Martin Sheen.

Mr. Man informs Shepard of an impending threat to the whole of the universe and recruits him to fight for humanity. As a sign of good faith, Shepard is given a new, larger version of the Normandy and Shepard sets out to recruit the most bad ass badasses from every corner of the Milky Way.

You have ten characters (eleven if you download Zaeed) who join your party. In addition to the mission that you go through to recruit them, every character has a “loyalty mission” that the player can choose to play out. These missions work to shine a little light on each character’s past and opens up new options for your squad and new upgrades for your ship. I must give much respect to whoever penned the “loyalty mission” for Jack, as it is one of the best single-mission stories I have ever played in any RPG. Ever.

The squad is, to me, BioWare’s crowning achievement as they finally create a full cast of characters that you care about. In games like the first Mass Effect (Kaiden), Dragon Age: Origins (Sten) and even Knights of the Old Republic (Juhani), there was always that one character that you just didn’t like. Juhani was annoying as hell while both Kaiden and Sten were boring. Mass Effect 2 has given us a full cast of interesting characters that you will actually come to care about — especially the characters that return for a second go ’round.

Another big improvement in the writing is the dialogue. In the first game the dialogue had a tendency to become somewhat long-winded, dragging on and on and on until finally you’d find yourself pressing the X-button over and over again hoping to get to the point, which you ironically skipped over. This time around the dialogue is sharp enough to keep you interested the whole way through. At times it can be quite witty, as well; namely anything that comes out of Joker’s mouth. Joker’s conversations with EDI, the Normandy’s AI, are especially entertaining. Sure, one or two characters may still drone on and on but two characters is much better than the dozen-plus characters that didn’t know when to get to the damn point.

The story, as a whole, is expertly written and perfectly paced. Another one of the few minor faults with the original Mass Effect was that the story started strong, ended strong, but had a whole lot of nothing in the middle. That has been rectified in ME2 by including the occasional story-centric mission that cannot be skipped. While this is a good way to keep the plot feeling fresh and avoid those long periods where you don’t feel like you’re advancing the story, there’s a point in the game where you are more or less forced to enter the final mission. If you aren’t prepared and need to go to the Citadel or Omega to ensure you have everything you need you will be punished. That’s all I’ll say.

There are also missions scattered about the universe. Many of them revolve around Cerberus operations while others deal with good ol’ fashioned randomness and gang killin’. Even here you can see that the developers have put great time, effort and care into making sure that every aspect of the game is as cinematic and grandiose as possible.

The game world, which happens to be the whole of the Milky Way, almost plays a character in itself. From the cleanliness of the Citadel to the grimey alleyways of Omega and the countless explorable worlds inbetween, each world and every vessel has its own unique look and feel that will beckon for you to explore just a little bit more before putting the controller down.

Combat and Character Gameplay

The biggest complaint against the first game was the combat, which wasn’t anywhere as close to being fleshed out as the rest of the game. BioWare recognized this and it is obvious from the first firefight (which happens very, very early) that they spent a good amount of time fixing the many complaints people had.

For one, there is actual ammunition instead of the redundant “cooldown” system that bogged the combat down the first time around. There are only two types of ammo in the game: general ammunition that is shared by the majority of the weapons you are armed with, and heavy weapon ammo that is used for the more powerful weapons in the game (including a pretty bitchin’ mini-nuke launcher that’s seemingly right out of Fallout 3). The ammunition is in ample supply so there isn’t much of a worry about running out until the final act, where you’re flooded with wave after wave of enemies.

Oh, and “Insanity” mode, which is aptly named. Trust me.

Each weapon has an actual target reticle now, rather than the circular reticle of varying sizes. These reticles are quite useful for the new location-based damage system. You target an ememy’s legs and they’ll topple over. You shoot their arms and you have a Black Knight situation occuring. It also adds a degree of difficulty to the fights as you try to hit certain weak spots on your targets.

Mass Effect 2 also utilizes the all-too-familiar cover system that is seen in countless games but everyone (inaccurately) refers to as the “Gears of War mechanic”. Unlike most games, which do it poorly, Mass Effect 2 actually handles the mechanic pretty well. It’s not perfect by any stretch, but it performs more than adequately at keeping your ass out of the fire. The problem with the cover mechanic is that it isn’t entirely “sticky” enough to work properly when you’re in a tight spot. One of the biggest problems is that when you’re trying to jump over a barrier you have to first squat down behind it before jumping over. If you’re trying to dive behind cover because your shields are down you will DIE. Sure, death acts as a minor inconvenience since the game autosaves every few minutes, but all the same.

Overall the combat is much better than the first game and is actually a blast to play.

Apart from leveling your character and other party members, there isn’t too much about Mass Effect 2 that screams “role-playing game”. Your weapons and armor screens (which can only be used at certain times and at certain stations) are very streamlined — which is good. The game also converts items you don’t need into currency, which… well, you know what currency does. Other than that, it plays like a shooter with a really good story.

Exploration and Resource Gathering

Much like the real universe, the universe of Mass Effect is quite expansive with countless nebulas, clusters and solar systems to explore. While you will visit some systems to progress the story or complete loyalty missions, most of the time you’ll find solar systems to be barren except for planets that can be rich in minerals. Minerals are a vital component to upgrading equipment and can be obtained by either finding them during a mission or by scanning planets…. and this is where the fun abruptly stops.

The scanning of planets for resources in-game is painful. It’s tedious, time consuming and your targeting reticle moves entirely too damn slow — but you have to do it in order to gather enough resources to max out all of your equipment. After a while I stopped scanning planets, mostly because if I hadn’t I would have punched a baby. I would have gone to my neighbor’s house and asked for some sugar. When they went to grab the sugar I would have sneaked into the house, found their newborn and punched it in its baby mouth.

You also have to scan planets to find the location for non-scripted missions, then launch a probe to access the mission. At least for this you’re notified that there is a mission and given a white pointer to follow.

The scanning wouldn’t be so bad if the reticle moved even just a little bit faster. As it stands, it’s horrible. But at least it’s still better than having to drive around in the Mako.

Presentation

Mass Effect 2, while not changing much in terms of in-game visuals, is still a gorgeous game. Character animations have gotten much more life like and no two worlds look the same. Seriously, there isn’t much else to say as far as visuals go. The only things of note are the damn-near-lifelike facial aminations andd the pre-rendered cutscenes, which are gorgeous, but they look like they’ve been run through a buffer. It’s just plain weird.

The audio is simply perfect. Perfect. The music, whether it be thundering orchestral numbers or the low, organic drums that accompany The Collector’s, your enemies, the music never sounds out of place and, overall, carries a tone that makes it feel like it came out of Blade Runner.

In fact, from the Omega asteroid to the marketplace on the Citadel, there is more than a passing feeling that you’re playing through a world influenced by Blade Runner.

TL;DR

The image sums it up nicely. There’s nothing else I can really say… but if I were pushed… the first ten minutes are a joke. Brought back from the dead? C’mon. You’re BioWare — you’ve written some of the most compelling stories in modern gaming and the best you could come up with was some Six-Million Dollar Man-styled plot point? For shame, amigos. For shame.

Still, the other 20+ hours of the game are freakin’ awesome.

However, here we are almost three years later, and Bioshock 2 is upon us. And of course I picked it up. How could I not? I finished the first game and, right after the credits were finished, immediately started a new game. I don’t think I’ve done that since the 16-bit days.

So, is this sequel an astounding success equaling or, dare I say, rivaling the first? Or does it just rot on the bottom of the ocean floor?

Story

Things have changed in Rapture since we last left it’s decrepit, dystopian walls. Andrew Ryan is dead. Fontaine is dead. And a new leader, Sophia Lamb, has risen to power. She’s gathered all the Splicers together into a collective “family,” and they’re all out to kill you.

And this time around you are a Big Daddy, but not just any Big Daddy. No, you are the Daddy of all Big Daddy’s: Delta, the first Big Daddy. Sorry, I was just trying to see how many times I could fit “Big Daddy” in there.

As Delta, you’re on a quest to find one particular Little Sister named Eleanor. She’s tied to Lamb and several other figures in Rapture, so of course everyone wants you dead. Along the way, you’ll also unlock keys to your own past, and dig deeper into the history of the city itself.

The story is packed with more moral quandaries this time around, but it’s not as affecting as the original. The new characters are welcome, and some of them are quite entertaining and endearing, but they’re nowhere near the level of larger-than-life stature that Andrew Ryan or Sander Cohen possessed in the first game.

Gameplay

The gameplay is tighter than in the first. You still gain access to a wide variety of weapons and ammo-types. You can still shoot plasmids, but now you can dual-wield both at the same time, so while you’re reloading your Eve, you can shoot an enemy with your gun, or vice-versa.

In that regard, the Splicers seem to be more aggressive in this game. The first few hours may actually prove to be quite a challenge, since you are awarded with little money and can only carry 5 first-aid kits and Eve hypos instead of 9 each like in the first game (although, this can be upgraded). However, once you start beefing yourself up with Plasmids, you start to feel like a true Big Daddy.

To balance out your power, there are new enemy-types. There is a new Splicer, the Brute Splicer, a big roided-out brawler who curses like a lumber-jack and hits like one too. They provide some variety to the usual fire-fights.

And of course there are Big Daddy’s and Little Sisters. You can adopt your own Little Sisters in this game to collect Adam for you from corpses, but first you need to deal with their Big Daddy. Big Daddy fights aren’t as tense as they were in the first game. You’re a Big Daddy yourself, so they don’t seem as threatening as they once did.

Once you adopt a Little Sister, you can carry her around and gather Adam. Luckily there is no protecting her while she’s with you. You put her on your shoulder and half the time, you don’t even know she’s there except for the occasional commentary she gives while you’re fighting.

The only time you need to protect her is while you’re gathering Adam, and I found these parts to be quite enjoyable. I’m a fan of Survival modes and that’s what this felt like. You could just take all the Splicers on as they come to you, but you’re given a wide variety of traps you can use with ammo-types and Plasmids, so why not make good use of them? Setting up a perimeter and then picking off the ones that got through my defenses was one of the most entertaining parts of the game.

After you’ve gathered your Adam, you then need to find a vent to put the Little Sister in. Just like in the first game you can choose to Harvest or Rescue the Little Sisters you’ve encounter. Rescuing them sets them free of their lust for Adam. Harvesting them essentially kills them, but gives you more Adam to beef up your stats. Choosing which to do is more of a dilemma this time.

Harvesting in particular is more disturbing, because the Little Sisters trust you. You’re a Big Daddy, the protector. You’ve traveled around with her for a bit and protected her, then turn around and end her life for your own gain. I have to say, watching her scream in terror is quite a horrifying experience the first time you choose Harvest.

After you’ve dealt with the Little Sisters in each stage, you will be confronted by another new enemy: the Big Sisters. Big Sisters are stronger and faster than Big Daddy’s. Luckily, the game warns you in advance that one is about to attack you, and you have some time to set up your defense.

The battles can be difficult. Besides just being stronger and faster, Big Sisters also use plasmids on the same level as you. They throw fire, shoot lightning, and hurl objects at you using telekinesis. These fights are exhilarating, but way too predictable. You always know you’re going to fight a Big Sister after you’ve dealt with all the Little Sisters in a level. They never come at undetermined times, which is sort of a let down.

Hacking is still around, but instead of taking you out of the action for that sometimes-annoying pipe-swapping puzzle game, you now hack in real time using a meter to try and stop the arrow in the appropriate spaces. This can be done in proximity to devices that need to be hacked, or by using hack darts, which you can shoot from a distance and remotely hack machines with. Either way, it doesn’t take you out of the game, so if you decide to hack, make sure no enemies are around.

The research camera also returns, but this time it’s a video camera, so all you need to do is click the shutter button, then start fighting. Experimenting with the ways you kill enemies yields more research points.

Presentation

Rapture is more water-logged and rotted than it was in the first game. Ten years have passed, so that’s to be expected. This isn’t to say that it’s still not stunning to look at. Level designs are still huge and winding, with an emphasis on exploration. However, they’re not as varied as the levels in the first game. Nothing like the paradise-in-hell Arcadia Gardens, or trippy Fort Frolic.

You can now walk outside the city, since you are in a diving suit and can survive underwater. These treks aren’t as liberating as they could be, though. You’ll be on a set path that leads from one entrance of the city to the other. No real open-ocean exploration (which would have been amazing, by the way).

The music is still as haunting and effective as ever. Punctuating and adding emotional weight at just the right moments.

Multiplayer

Yes, the multiplayer mode. I didn’t forget. All in all, it’s a nice little diversion from the main game, but anyone picking up this game because you wanted to play Bioshock multiplayer will be disappointed. Things are streamlined from the main game. You can hack machines by holding down a button and take research photos of your dead enemies for perks. And all the gun fire and Plasmid-slinging can get pretty chaotic. It’s a fun time, but there are a few things holding it back.

For one, the levels are too complex and closed in for multiplayer. Their designs encourage sitting and waiting tactics. You could just hack a turret and wait around a corner for someone to try to hack. Then, take them out with both your turret and some well-placed shots or Plasmid blasts.

Also, the health bar is way too large, which makes one-on-one firefights drag on for too long, taking away from the frenetic pace of usual multiplayer modes.

The game-types are just variations on already well-established online tropes such as capture-the-flag, domination, and deathmatch. All-in-all, it’s fun for a bit, but I don’t think it will have the staying power of other FPS multiplayer games such as Halo 3 or Modern Warfare 2.

Summary

Bioshock 2 is a game that stacks up to the original quite well. It’s an enjoyable ride that fixes a lot of the minor gripes that the first game had, while holding itself back on some of it’s new ideas (Big Sister fights and ocean exploration). It’s still nice to return to Rapture and see new parts of the city, but this game never had a chance of standing up to it’s forerunners legacy in terms of mystique and surprise.

Multiplayer is a nice little diversion that probably won’t keep you occupied for too long, but the main game has enough replayability to keep you coming back for more.

Was Bioshock 2 necessary? No. But it’s still a great game, and definitely one of the best to come out so far this year. And that’s saying a lot considering all of the greatness that’s been released so early in 2010.

Instead, I was one of the many who caught wind of Left 4 Dead 2 and boldly cried out “TOO SOON!”

And, at the time, that really seemed to be the case. The first Left 4 Dead came out just seven months earlier, leaving devout fans of the series (including myself) wondering why Valve would promote such a rash and seemingly foolish gesture.

Soon enough, questions began to flare:

• Why the hell isn’t this DLC?
• What about that game I bought last November? You’re dropping support for it already?
• What’s going on with zany Zoey, buckeye Bill, funky Francis, and lucky Louis? You just gonna ditch those guys too?
• How you expect me to buy a new Left 4 Dead game every year? I’ve still gotta get Madden, Guitar Hero, and the next Call of Duty. I don’t have money for this shit!

So when the game finally came out, I was admittedly quick to judge. After playing just a single campaign, I boldly stated I didn’t see any reason for Left 4 Dead 2 to exist as a stand-alone game.

But boy, was I wrong. Not only did a second go at Left 4 Dead 2 leave my face with an expression much like this one—it totally rocked my socks (and how!).

I won’t waste your time talking about what’s unchanged from the first game; for the most part, it’s essentially the same. You’re a group of four nobodies, immune to zombie-itis (tee hee—kinda looks like it says “zombie tits”), fighting your way to freedom using whatever guns and makeshift explosives you find along the way. Along with regular infected, several breeds of “super infected” are out to make your trek from point A to point B a real bitch. If you know anything about the original, then you pretty much know what you’re getting into here.

So instead, I’m focusing on the differences and what’s new, because if you’re interested in this L4D2, you need to the play the original Left 4 Dead first. If you haven’t, you’re missing out.

First of all, I’d must clarify one thing: there definitely enough new content available to warrant a purchase, that’s for sure. While on the outside the game seems to be nothing more than a glorified map pack, looks are damn deceiving. And for that, I have this to say:

Sowwy for talking bad about your game, Valve. *sad face*

With that out of the way, let’s carry on:

The level design is bloody magnificent. While not the prettiest game on the market, each stage is completely unique, offering its own set of twists and turns. My personal favorite was the Hard Rain campaign where the sky opens up every few seconds sending a torrential downpour your way, making it nearly impossible to see your friends—and more importantly—your enemies.

Missions also play a part in Left 4 Dead 2, but not in the traditional sense (a la Goldeneye). What was once “Hit that switch there and hold onto your hats” is now “Hit that switch there and 1) fill this car with gas so we can peace the fuck out, 2) cross that massive bridge before we gets eated, or 3) get guy some soda so he lets us live.” Each stage has its own twist, adding depth that the first game unfortunately lacked wouldn’t have fit in a downloadable patch.

L4D2 also adds three new special infected to the roster: the Spitter, the Charger, and the Jockey. All in all, the new special infected (with the exception of the Jockey) are freakin’ stupendous. The Charger is much like a mini-Tank, blitzing through the horde so he can slam you against a wall, grab you by your waist, and pound you to the ground repeatedly. The Spitter does just what its name implies—spits at you. The game refers to it as “goo”, but the sizzling sounds and fumes that eminiate from it imply acid, at best.

Oh, and then there’s the Jockey, a completely annoying and frustrating enemy that makes goofy-ass sounds as it humps and pulls you away from your allies. Stupid Jockey.

Melee weapons are undoubtedly the best thing Valve could have done for the franchise. Most of them are obvious homages to other popular zombie and video game franchises, bringing a warming touch of nostalgia to your regular zombie bashings. Crowbars, cricket bats, katanas, machetes, and even frying pans are at your disposal. Truly, melee weapons are a thing of glory.

All of the game modes from the original L4D are back (including my beloved Survival mode—mmm…) along with a few extras. Scavenge mode has you completing missions while other players control the special infected to prevent you from clearing the stage. There’s also a Realism mode where items and allies aren’t highlighted, making the game a slightly more challenging.

Unfortunately, the dystopian world of Left 4 Dead 2 is far from perfect. The hit detection is horrible, and as wonderful as the melee weapons are, I can’t fathom the idea of swinging a katana in a sea of zombies and not hitting a single one. I’ve even fired sniper rifles at point-blank range only to miss completely. While not common enough to piss on your parade, it’s the video game equivalent of putting a dime into a vending machine and having it drop down into the coin-return slot. Not a day-wrecker, but still annoying.

The AI dun’ gone got stupid since the last game. While the original Left 4 Dead’s AI wasn’t without its faults, it was more endearing than it was infuriating. In Left 4 Dead 2, your computer propelled buddies dumb as a sack of socks. While they’re capable of basic functions (erratic movement, taking the weapon you wanted, etc.), getting one to back you during battle is like asking a stroke victim to perform brain surgery. I once watched a computer-controlled Rochelle get choked to death by a smoker while a computer-controlled Coach watched in awe from thirty feet away. *facepalms*

On top of it all, I’ve noticed the game to occasionally award special infected kills inappropriately. I’ve killed many a Smoker only to see the credit go to some other NPC. I know it really doesn’t matter, and I’m probably just nit-picking, but in my line of work credit is everything. I want the tally for killing super zombies, damn it! At least give me that much.

Sadly, the new characters in Left 4 Dead 2 aren’t as memorable as Zoey, Bill, Francis, and Louis from the first game. While they each have their merits, you just don’t feel the same connection as you had with the original cast. Maybe it was that magnificent introduction in the first game that really linked us to the fearsome foursome, but either way, Nick, Rochelle, Ellis, and Coach are at least tolerable (though Rochelle seems like she was thrown in there just to add a female character, completely lacking of any distinguishing characteristics).

Oh, and Coach easily has the most badass set of mitts I’ve ever seen in a video game. I know, I know; it doesn’t make sense, but play as him and you’ll understand.

Changing the difficulty doesn’t affect the Director as it did in the first Left 4 Dead. Maybe it’s just me, but in the original game, upping the difficulty sent more infected your way and spawned a lot more special infected. In Left 4 Dead 2, it seems the only difference is how quickly you take damage. What a shame.

One more thing if you’re considering Left 4Dead 2: make sure you have a handful of friends to play with—or at least a neighbor or sibling who will play split-screen with you. While you can play by yourself, L4D2 is a lot like sex: the more, the merrier. A Gold account and a solid Internet connection is your ticket to zombie heaven, just as it was in the first game.

The Final Verdict

So if Valve graces us with another title in the Left 4 Dead franchise this November, will I complain? Maybe. But Left 4 Dead 2 certainly keeps my hopes alive if Valve intends on making this an annual event.

While I certainly have my share of complaints, and while the original does still shine brightly (in some ways, brighter than the sequel), the second title in the franchise is a must if you were ever even remotely obsessed with the first L4D. Left 4 Dead 2 is fun and entertaining, offering countless hours of—er—fun and entertainment. You’re definitely getting your money’s worth, even if it seems like you’re just paying for a second-helping of the first game.

Images by Richard Schupp

…of course, that isn’t saying much. Most Olympic-based games have been quite terrible over the years, and Vancouver 2010: The Official Video Game of the Winter Olympic Games (or ‘V2010TOVGWO’) surpasses all of those games and enters the realm of “…meh”.

It Lacks Variety

While it would be in poor taste to say that it’s a bold-faced lie that the game has fourteen events, if I were to I wouldn’t be too far from the truth. Three of the events (Bobsledding, Luge and Skeleton) play almost identical to each other, and several more events boil down to what is essentially downhill skiing. Both of the events more or less boil down to “avoid crashing into stuff”. Of the remaining events, two of them boil down to timing button presses (Aerials, Ski Cross), one plays as a rhythm game (1,500-meter speed skating) and the other can literally be played by smashing the face buttons on your ass (500m speed skating).

And yes, I actually did that very act (as I will not make baseless accusations).

While the majority of the events play… well, the same… that is not to say that they’re bad. In fact, each of the individual events in V2010TOVGWO*, with the exception of the ass slapper, are fun to play in five-to-ten minute bursts. In other words: they’re great minigames. Sadly they lack anything resembling variety in terms of differing skill sets between nations or even track variety. This ultimately leads to every single event losing its luster after about half an hour, maybe a little longer if you’re a fan of the particular events. This is partially helped by the Challenge modes for each event that are unlocked after you complete said event, but after a while you won’t even care to go back to them. This leads to another sticking issue…

You really don’t feel any sense of accomplishment when you complete an event. This is because you aren’t given any control over who your character is for each event. What it all boils down to is you selecting your nationality (more on that in a moment), your event and going through the motions. Perhaps if you were given some kind of control over how you could customize your character, it wouldn’t be as much of an issue and, perhaps, even lead to some kind of connection between the player and their in-game avatar. As it stands, the only difference between the Canadian snowboarder and the American snowboarder is the coloring of their jackets.

It Lacks Variety

The 2010 Olympic Games in Vancouver are expected to have somewhere in the vicinity of 80-100 different nations competing, from juggernauts like Canada (they OWN the Winter Olympics — I blame hockey) to tiny nations, like… I don’t know, Kyrgyzstan. V2010TOVGWO* does not have Kyrgyzstan. Or Bulgaria. Or Ireland. In fact, V2010TOVGWO* only has 24 nations represented. Considering the lack of differentiation between nations in-game, it’s absolutely mind boggling why only a small fraction was included.

Apart from the aforementioned lack of differentiation between nations, the visuals are surprisingly impressive. Stunning environments compliment the detailed (anatomically speaking) character models nicely, and the game gets the overall sense of speed dead-on, from the luge tube to the speed skating. Unfortunately, because of the lack of variety in the environments for each event they will start to blend together after a while. The remainder of the presentation is somewhat bare-boned. The audio is appropriate and well done and everything else serves its purpose without getting in the way. It is, generally speaking, very clean.

It Lacks Variety

…have I driven the point home yet? If not, let me just say it: it gets repetitive in a damn hurry. While V2010TOVGWO* is fun for short periods of time, it simply doesn’t hold up to extended play sessions. A damn shame, too, as V2010TOVGWO* has all of the core elements that are needed to make a truly great sports sim. As it stands the game feels like a bunch of minigames being held together by a ton of duct tape. With that said, any developer who works on a future Olympics game should use V2010TOVGWO* as a benchmark for how a game should play.

Let’s just hope that next time they finish the job and come up with an experience worthy of the… worthy of the go… the goooooo… dammit. I can’t end this on a bad medal pun — let’s just hope the next game is more than average.

*Yes, I used the term “V2010TOVGWO” strictly to be an ass. And amuse myself.

The Saboteur, on paper, has so much going for it: A story surrounding the early days of the French Resistance, a likable Irish protagonist and a towering husk of a German bad guy who bears more than a striking resemblance to Dolph Lundgren Ivan Drago, an open-world game mechanic that lets you run wild all over 1940s Paris and one of the best art styles I’ve seen in recent memory.

So why does everything feel so “meh”?

Everything starts with the controls. The controls in The Saboteur are by no stretch unusable. In fact, I dare say that they are quite adequate. But that’s just it: they’re adequate. They get the job done but they feel quite stiff, which makes aiming through a scope or at long distances a real pain in the ass. The same can be said for character movement. In games like Grand Theft Auto IV or Assassin’s Creed, your character has weight when they walk. That isn’t the case in The Saboteur, as you never really feel like you are 100% in control of your own movements.

Vehicle controls, on the other hand, are spot-on. This is a real blessing as you will be spending a lot of time in vehicles as you traverse the expansive in-game world.

The Story

You play as Sean Devlin, an Irish mechanic-turned-terrorist freedom fighter. Much of the backstory is set-up in the rather lengthy prelude, which revolves around a German auto race in the weeks before the Nazi invasion of France. Devlin winds up racing against Kurt Dierker, a Nazi racecar driver who also happens to moonlight as a Nazi scientist. The entire prelude up to the actual race (which you do play) feels like some weird version of The Karate Kid, with the Nazis serving as the Cobra Kai in a classic stare-down sequence right before the big race.

On the final lap of the race, as Devlin takes the lead (somehow you will magically take the lead, no matter what position you’re in at the time you reach the final lap), Dierker shoots out one of your tires and takes the checkered flag as his own. Naturally, Devlin and his friend Jules want to get back at the big bad Nazi, so they decide to trail him so that they can trash his car. They ultimately succeed in wrecking the ride, but pay for their high school-level prank by being tortured and Jules eventually killed by Devlin.

Because, again, he’s a fucking Nazi.

Overcome with grief and rage, Devlin escapes the Nazi base (oh, yeah. Did I mention they snuck onto a secret Nazi base?) and from there the game picks up in Paris. Devlin, crushed with grief over his friend’s demise, is found drinking himself into a stupor at a brothel when he is approached by Luc, a resistance fighter who basically says “why drink when you can KILL?”.

From there, Devlin basically goes Rambo on Paris, laying waste to Nazis as he sees them and generally raising hell in his efforts to exact his revenge on the man who killed his friend.

As you can probably figure out, I don’t think particularly highly of the story. In fact, I would put The Saboteur in the same category as Modern Warfare 2 in that the story is so preposterously bad that you can’t help but kind of get into it. This holds especially true when you consider that, again like Modern Warfare 2, the absurd story does little more than to set-up incredibly set-pieces that are just plain fun to play.

Case in point: There is a point in The Saboteur (I won’t say when as to not spoil any of the core game) where you engage in a gunfight. In a flying zepplin.

That’s on fire.

Yeah, it’s as cool as it sounds. But the awesomeness factor is brought down a bit by the uncertain controls.

Gameplay

As mentioned before, the controls are functional, if not somewhat stiff. I can’t really find the words to say too much about them since they are so… meh. Devlin’s movements are somewhat stiff, which makes aiming firearms a bit of a pain in the ass. The hand-to-hand combat controls aren’t overly elaborate and serve their purpose adequately, with the left trigger (on 360) being used to enter “brawler mode” and the letter buttons being used to throw punches. Vehicle controls are also adequate.

One interesting aspect of the game is the climbing mechanic. Much like Assassin’s Creed, Devlin has the ability to climb up the sides of buildings and run across rooftops to avoid Nazi patrols. The climbing mechanic is nowhere near as polished as Assassin’s Creed, but it works well enough to not get your killed.

This is a good thing, as you will be climbing buildings quite a bit. Towards the end of each mission you will most likely find yourself running in the opposite direction of the dozens of red dots on your minimap. In order to shake them you have to escape the large red circle on your minimap that will follow you so long as the Nazis can see you. While you will most likely not realize this at first (unless you are reading this, of cours), taking to the rooftops is the best way to slip into the darkness undetected.

This is especially true when you consider that many of the game’s hiding spots are on the rooftops of Paris. These hiding spots can be used to quickly evade patrols, provided you can find one.

In addition to the main story there are ample opportunities to spread some good ol’ fashioned anarchy throughout old Paris. Blowing up Nazi watch towers and fueling stations nets you contraband, which you can then use at Black Market stations throughout the city to purchase weapon upgrades, explosives for which to raise more hell with and, at certain locations, new vehicles to get around the city in.

Burning Paris to the ground can also lead to unlocking new perks which allow you to plant bombs faster, throw punches harder and evade Nazi patrols easier, among other things.

While the perks system does add very light RPG elements to the game and running around the city planting bombs and blowing things up does have shades of Red Faction: Guerrilla to it, when you have the controller in your hand there is nothing that really sticks out as special or even notable. It plays directly into the theme of this review: “meh”.

Presentation

The Saboteur has one of the most eye-catching art styles I can remember. With the exception of the prelude, you enter a black-and-white Paris, where the only hint of color can be found in the red Nazi branding littered throughout the city. As you liberate each neighborhood (read: “blow shit up”) from oppressive Nazi control, a wash of color comes over the neighborhood, turning everything from an ultra-artsy black and white to a more vibrant, colorful landscape.

Which I personally found disappointing as I love the black and white look to it.

Apart from the art style, the visuals are kind of meh. Character models are hit-and-miss, and many of the buildings look a little rough.

The voice acting is… wow. The voice acting is downright bad in many instances. With the exception of maybe Devlin himself, the other character’s accents are either comically over-emphasized or just plain bad. Two examples: Luc sounds like he is voiced by somebody who is trying to mock the French with his accent while Dierker sounds like Dick Dastardly, if Dastardly decided to turn Muttley into a lampshade rather than his sidekick.

The music is a healthy mixture between period pieces and orchestral scores that flare up whenever the game wants to say “Okay, time to be dramatic.” The music is well done and is never a bore to listen to.

TL;DR

You may be wondering why this review is so late. Well, let me explain this: I stand by the above review. In every measurable sense this game is average. But then something weird happened.

I kept going back to it.

Nothing about this game stands out, apart from the visuals. But there is just some timeless quality to blowing up Nazi sniper towers while dressed as a S.S. juggernaut that is simply charming. Every rational bone in my body says to give The Saboteur a 3/5, but it’s just too damn fun. If we did half-scores, It’d get a 3.5 but as it stands it gets a four.

For those of you who listen to The Bender, you may have heard me grumbling about having to wait for my import copy of Mushihimesama Futari to arrive. Well, I cease grumbling now, because it’s finally here, and (to use a hackneyed and clichéd phrase) it was worth the wait.  Seriously, it was.

I’m a huge fan of 2D-shooters (shoot ‘em ups, or shmups for those of you in the know), so when I saw that Cave was releasing Mushihimesama Futari Ver. 1.5, their latest arcade port, onto the 360 AND it would be region-free, I immediately preordered myself a copy. I bought the standard edition, which cost me $75 w/ shipping. The limited edition, which was rare before you could even place a preorder on it, was well over $90. But shmup fans should know this is standard fare.

You may be asking yourself, “Why the hell should I pay such ridiculous prices for a shmup?” And if you’re even asking yourself that question, then this game isn’t for you.

Basically, this review is speaking to those people who already love shmups or arcade-style games. If you’ve no interest, then there’s really nothing in this review that’s going to change your mind about this type of game.

Now that that’s out of the way, read on to see why this game deserves your attention and money.

Having played only one Cave shooter before hand, DoDonPachi, I wasn’t sure what to expect. The only thing I could go by was internet hearsay and pixilated, poor-quality Youtube gameplay footage. The praise for the game was big, though, so I felt confident in dropping import prices on this one. When I actually played the game, I knew instantly that it was a good decision.

The insect-themed Mushihimesama Futari (literally translated: “Together with the Bug Princess;” it sounds much cooler in Japanese) lets you choose either of two characters: Reco, the cute, purple-haired girl, or Palm, the little, dragon boy. Both characters play pretty much the same except for the fact that their movement types are opposite depending on whether you choose the Normal or Abnormal shot type.

The first thing I noticed when I actually started playing was how tight the controls were. Gliding through the air and dodging enemy fire just feels so right. The thing that separates the great shooters from the rest of the pack is how well-designed the patterns are. In MushiFutari even though things may look daunting at first, continued play will reveal safe passage ways designed in the patterns. There is always a way to make it through alive. It just takes some trial and error.

There’s only two buttons in gameplay: shoot and bomb. However, if you tap the shot button you get a spread shot that covers the screen; if you hold shot you get a concentrated laser. Depending on which character you choose to play as and which play style you select, holding down the shot button will either make your player slow down or speed up when you tap the button.

Shooting down enemies earns you gems of varying colors that can be collected to increase your score. Choosing the right time to use the appropriate attack will yield more gems and larger-sized gems.

One nifty feature included allows you to choose from the get go whether you want to play with the arcade visuals or the overhauled 360 visuals. While it adds appeal for those who played the arcade version, there’s really no reason not to play the 360 version of the game. Although, I am glad they included the option just for the hell of it.

In terms of visuals, the game is downright gorgeous. When I first started playing, I sometimes got distracted by the beautiful background scenery and animations. Bullets come in the flavor of bright purple projectiles, so there’s no way you won’t be able to tell when you’ve been hit.

The music is also a high point. Sure it’s standard Japanese techno-pop, but damn if it isn’t catchy as hell. And it definitely has that old-school flavor.

The reason this game is so worth the money is also due to the number of modes available. To begin with, there are two modes to play: 1.5 and Arrange (Black Label is also on the main menu, but I’ll get to that later).

1.5, like the other modes, offers 3 challenges: Original, Maniac, and Ultra, but these aren’t just difficulty levels. Each mode offers a new scoring method and way of playing the game. In Original, how well you do in each stage will increase your rank, which will determine the speed and density of bullet patterns in later stages. Maniac offers a counter that tracks your multiplier and affects how many gems enemies will drop depending on how high the number is. Ultra mode scores the same way as Original, but the rain of death coming down on you is immense. Before you start this mode, a warning comes up on screen asking you if you’re okay with being murdered every second. Of course, you’ll want to choose “yes.”

Arrange mode offers a unique twist on the original game. In this mode, you control both Reco and Palm. One character acts as a shield while the other is used for offense. When you tap the shot button, the bullets will slow down around your characters, and when you hold down shot the bullets will deflect back at enemies. The more bullets you “collect” by tapping shot will determine the number and size of the gems that you can grab after the bullets are deflected. You’ll need to strategically switch between characters to recharge your shields. (For in-depth info on each mode and the respective scoring system for each, check out this NeoGAF thread.)

This brings us to Black Label, which is my only gripe with the game. The problem? It’s on-disc DLC. Now, maybe Cave isn’t done with it yet, but the fact that the option is on the main menu, and when you click on it, it takes you to Xbox Live and offers a download leads me to believe that what we’re paying for is just a download code to unlock the mode.

Wait a minute, I just dropped 75 bucks to play this game. It’s a freaking shmup! The file size for this thing can’t be more than a few hundred megs! And now they want me to pony up more cash to play an extra mode? Ludicrous! Ridiculous! Outrag- Oh, who the fuck am I kidding? Of course I’m going to pay for it.

On a side note, first-press copies of the game came with a DLC code (I got mine, suckers!) that lets you download Ver. 1.01, which is a tweaked version of the very first arcade version of the game. It offers a pretty good challenge, since it came before the more manageable Ver. 1.5.

Don’t get me wrong, though. This game is tough no matter what mode you’re playing on. Even the Novice mode that slows down the bullets can get pretty difficult. But that’s the fun of these games. Playing over and over, memorizing patterns, feeling accomplished when you finally 1CC Original and then move on to higher difficulties.

If all of this gets your blood pumping, then what are you waiting for? Import this thing before it goes out of print.  It’s one of the best shmups out there, perfectly designed, meticulously detailed, nail-bitingly difficult, and completely absorbing.

It’s the best shoot-em-up since Ikaruga. There, I said it. We had a perfect shmup to start the decade and a perfect one to end it. Now, get out there and play this.

And start praying to all things holy that Cave releases Espgaluda 2 region-free.

That’s my mini-review of the first game. Now, for Assassin’s Creed 2:

If you didn’t like the first, I implore you to give the second a chance. Yes, I’ll admit, the repetition is still present, but that’s only if you’re one of those people (like moi) who feel compelled to collect every single item and do every side-mission the game has to offer. Otherwise, the main game is much more varied than AC1, and there is a lot to do within the confines of the story.

This time around, Desmond is put on the back burner, only popping up in the beginning, middle and end of the game. This gives AC2 a much more immersive feeling than the first Assassin’s Creed where you’d have to listen to the inane conversations between Desmond and Dr. Vidic, which I can basically sum up like this:

Vidic: Get in the Animus, Desmond.

Desmond: What’s going on?

Vidic: Get in the Animus, Desmond!

Desmond: I don’t wanna.

Vidic: GET IN THE FUCKING ANIMUS!

Desmond: Okay.

Desmond and the overarching narrative that is going on in present time are more developed in this second installment, and I really like the way things are going, even if things do seem to be getting slightly out of hand by the end of this game. Desmond, however, is far from the real draw here; this game belongs to Ezio.

My biggest gripe with the story in the first game was that while Altair was a badass, that’s really all he had going for him. You really couldn’t connect to him. For half the game, he was just being an asshole to everyone. With Ezio, you have a character who breathes. He feels happiness, sadness, frustration, anger, you know, emotions and shit. He has more charisma than Altair could have ever hoped to muster. He even has sex a few times throughout the game. Hooray!

Ezio really drives everything forward, because let’s face it, none of the other characters are memorable. Except, of course, for Leonardo Da Vinci. He’s the man, ‘nuff said.

The game itself looks stunning. The environments are huge and detailed. While the cities in the game aren’t exact representations of their real-life counterparts, there are several historical sites that are recreated faithfully. And there’s a real joy in clinging to ledges and climbing all over these places that actually exist in the world.  Several of them, such as the Palazzo Medici and the Torre Grossa even allow for indoor exploration, which is a new edition to the game.

Before I get to the indoor environments though, I’ll take some time to talk about the controls. They haven’t really changed much from the first game, which is both a blessing and a curse. Outside, running across rooftops is just as exhilarating as it was in the first game. The only times there are problems are when you’re trying to get somewhere quickly. You’ll curse at Ezio for jumping off in some strange direction when all you wanted him to do was run up a wall and grab a ledge. Outside, though, these problems are few and far between.

I keep saying outside because where the flaws in the controls really show up are indoors. The controls just aren’t polished enough to handle the precise platforming that’s involved in these indoor environments. And while, the first few times you go indoors and get to explore historical buildings or catacombs, it’s forgivable. After a while, these indoor elements become an exercise in patience and really experimentation.

Case in point, one time while hanging on a ledge, I needed to jump to another ledge behind me. The on-screen help told me all I need to do was hold back on the joystick and press jump. Doing this, however, caused Ezio to jump off to the side, completely away from the ledge I wanted to go to.  It took me a while to figure out exactly what angle I needed to hold the joystick at for him to jump directly behind him.

The reason for all of this is the camera and the fact that the controls don’t carry over when the camera angle changes. Take a game like Devil May Cry, for instance. If you were holding left on the controller to run out of a room, and the camera angle changed when you got out in the hallway, in this new angle holding up would conceivably take you in the direction you were running coming out of the room, but because the controls carry over from the last camera angle, you don’t have to worry about changing the way your holding the joystick. This helped a lot in the faster paced sections of the game, or when you were being chased by something. It was a very intuitive feature. Something small that can be taken for granted, but that really added a lot to the excellent controls of that game.

Unfortunately, the controls don’t work like that in AC2. Whenever the camera angle changes, you have to rethink how you’re holding the controller so you don’t mess up and end up in a direction you really don’t want to go. Basically, it’s a pain in the ass. By the end of the game, I dreaded having to go into the Assassin’s Tombs (something that is completely optional by the way, but, like I said before, completist).

Also, it would have been nice if there was more exploration involved in these indoor places. It’s really just one set path, with some minor variations in how you can get around obstacles.

There’s also swimming now, which is a welcome edition. There was nothing worse than meeting your end in the first game because Altair was too much of a bitch to learn how to swim.

Water offers new hiding places from guards, as you can now dive underwater. Other than that, it doesn’t really provide much else. Also, there’s this weird thing that happens sometimes when you’re trying to get out of the water where Ezio will just flail like a retard against a ledge or the side of a boat. You have to give up for a second then try again, and usually he’ll climb right up. Definitely not becoming of a master assassin.

Despite the indoor environments, there are a lot of welcome editions to the gameplay, such as more interesting ways of killing people. The double hidden blades are really satisfying, plus there’s poison, smoke bombs, and different weapons besides swords, such as maces, hammers, and spears.

One of the niftiest new features is the economy system. Early on in the game, you become head of your own run-down little villa. You don’t really have to do anything with it, but you are allowed to invest money into it, which in turn earns you more money, since the more you fix it up, the more people come to visit and live there, and the more taxes you earn from them. It’s a nice little distraction that I’d really like to see expanded upon in the next installment of the series.

Probably my favorite new edition, though, are the puzzles involved in discovering “The Truth,” which consists of tiny film clips that flesh out the larger conspiracy linking the games and really defining what’s going on in the present.

There are twenty pieces of film to collect (I won’t tell you what it depicts, but it’s pretty interesting and surreal to say the least), and each piece comes with a puzzle that must be solved. At first its simple things like discovering similarities in works of art, or deciphering a code. As you get closer to uncovering “The Truth,” the puzzles become more complex and esoteric.

Activating these puzzles involves finding glyphs hidden on the historic monuments in the game, again, this is another optional part of the game.

Really, Assassin’s Creed 2 is all about choice. You can choose to just follow the main game, or you can dabble in side missions, or you can be a complete freak, like myself, and try to do everything.

I don’t want to deter from everything that Ubisoft has done to make this a better experience than the last game, but if you really want to get the most out of this, I would recommend sticking to the main quest and just doing a few of the side-missions. Trying to do everything really reveals all of the games flaws.

So Assassin’s Creed 2 has delivered overwhelmingly on the main quest. The side missions, though not perfect, are welcome editions, and overall it’s an involving game. I can easily lose 3 to 4 hours of my day exploring Renaissance Italy and getting lost in the immersive world.

For those who bailed on the first game, give this one a chance. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

For those who stuck with it, it’s really cool to see the game evolve, and I’m sure the finest hour of the Assassin’s Creed series is still to come.

Borderland is Gearbox’s newest FPSRPG’s out for the Xbox 360, Playstation 3, and PC. Borderlands takes place when Earth is colonizing distant planets in the galaxy. Our story begins on a planet at the edge of the galaxy called Pandora. You get to play one of four characters:

Roland “The Soldier” the character that has no specific skills except to shoot with his Assault rifle and his shotgun; Lilith “The Siren” is a western knockoff of the Invisible Woman; Mordecai “The Hunter”… well what more can I say, he has a sniper rifle and shoots at animals and people (like Dick Cheney). Then there’s Brick, a large possibly steroid taking Brute. Only a few NPCs are well rounded individuals, but of course the rest of them are often similar and don’t talk because they aren’t that interesting.

The game is centered around you and possibly your friends, if you have any, taking quest from everyone and their mothers to find “The Vault” a secret treasure trove containing “advanced alien technology, infinite wealth, fame, power, and women” (supposedly). As you go through this huge sandbox world you’ll find many variations of the same enemies over, and over, and over.

There are two ways to get around Pandora: Your first option is the most obvious, a car with a large rocket launcher on top or a machine gun (your choice). The second option is teleporting from one save spot to another, which is sometimes over done. Loading screens do take a bit (maybe about 20 seconds), but of course this could be a result of my computer (although I doubt it, I just built a new computer for myself). They do try to make the loading screens look useful by putting little tips about the game, of course some are useless like “Once you reach level 5 you can unlock your characters action skill” when I’m at level 27.

Borderlands uses the Unreal 3 Engine just like many other games now-a-days. As stated previously Borderlands is cel-shaded making the characters and scenery pop, showing details to important objects and people. Of course other games like The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker is cel-shaded and has received much criticism initially, but has since become one of it’s key features of the game.

Sometimes if you aren’t careful or in a boss fight by yourself, you will die. There are 3 ways you can respawn (all of which don’t require you to start over from your last save). The first way to respawn is if you are playing with your friends they can run up to you and heal you before you run out of time (similar to Left 4 Dead). #2 is when you are playing by yourself and you kill the enemy that killed you, you earn a “Second Wind”. Last but not least you can just die, and you will respawn next to a save point but some money will be subtracted from you. On the positive side none of these incur a penalty against you.

Every time you fight an enemy there is chance of them dropping stuff, weather it be ammo, money, or guns. In the game trailer it is stated that there are 87 bazillion guns, and I think we can all agree that that’s alot of guns. I’m not exactly sure how many there actually are, but I’m probably at 623 types of guns give or take 3 guns. The variations of guns are similar to the differences in the enemies. One pistol will do 22 damage, 45.6 accuracy and a fire rate of 2.2 and a second gun may do 22 damage 45.5 accuracy and have a firing rate of 2.2. It is impossible to store items, other than holding them in your back pack with room for only 9 things (it progressively gets larger with more quests). With these small differences there is no way to tell how many guns there really are.

As stated earlier there are multiplayer elements to the game. You can play with a group of 4 in co-op or you can go into the arena and fight your friends in a multiplayer death match. Online co-op mode consists of you and up to three other people going around completing the same missions that are in the single player campaign. To compensate for the additional characters the A.I. in the game becomes significantly more difficult, but as soon as the characters leave and you are by yourself again, the game will automatically reduce the difficulty on the enemies. Now it is my recommendation to play with people you know because when you play with random people you can’t necessarily rely on anyone staying with you when a difficult part comes up.

Overall Borderland is a good buy and I would suggest this game to anyone who likes FPSRPGs. Even if you are strictly an FPS person or strictly an RPG person I would recommend it because it doesn’t go that far out of either realm to make anyone uncomfortable. The co-op, the graphics, and the 87 bazillion guns equal one good game. If I were to put a numerical rating to this game I would give it a 4 out of 5, but I would prefer to just say this is a excellent game and it is a must buy

So what qualified me, above all the other Binge Gamer staffers, to review this game? Luck, that’s what. The review copy accidentally got sent to me instead of James, and once I popped it into my 360, I refused to send it to him. “Luck” is an understatement. This game is blowing my mind.

I say “is blowing” instead of “blew” because I’m still playing it. It’s true that we always attempt to completely finish a game before writing a review here at Binge Gamer, but the truth of the matter is that I’ve already sunk many, many hours into this game and I can see myself playing for hundreds of more hours in the future.

When you “finish” the game with one character, you can start over as a new character…and in Dragon Age: Origins, you don’t just have a few attribute boosts because you pick a certain race and class. No, you have well over an hour worth of backstory, during which time you set the stage for the rest of your game. Will you unlock certain side quests? Will you be offered certain storylines? Will you meet certain characters? Will your efforts be successful? Will you find love? The answers to these questions and more all depend on the choices your character makes. So, as you play through for a second…third…fourth time (or more), your game experience will be extremely different. While most of the backstory is limited to the beginning and end, your race and class also affect how you’re treated throughout the game by NPCs.

The Plot and Characters

Dragon’s Age: Origins follows the story of your character as he or she joins the Grey Wardens in Ferelden to fight the blight, a new wave of demons that are returning to earth, as they do every hundred years or so. These creepers are led by an archdemon, basically the game’s equivalent of Satan, which appears in the form of a great dragon. Along the way, you also have to fight other evil groups, such as bandits and a pack of werewolves. After a disastrous battle early in the game, it is up to you and a few survivors to bring together elves, humans, and dwarfs to fight the blight together.

The game has a typical Bioware feel in terms of conversation. Like with Mass Effect, you can talk to a large number of the NPCs in the game, and you usually have at least three reply options – one that is nice, one that is neutral, and one that is mean. As you get farther into the game, you can choose replies that require skills such as intimidation or persuasion, and the NPC will respond differently depending on how far you’ve leveled your character in these areas.

Other characters in your group respond differently depending on the conversation choices you make. For example, the young warrior Alistair who is with you from the start disapproves when you use force to get what you want, but the more morally-gray shapeshifter Morrigan (pictured above) approves when you do so. Their opinion of you also changes when you talk to them about their past or ask them questions, and the higher their opinion of you, the better. I really like this feature in the game, though it does cheapen it a bit that you can buy and give them gifts to also raise their opinion of you, no matter what you’ve done or said.

The Combat System

Another feature I really like is the combat system. If you’ve played Final Fantasy XII, you’ll find it very similar to that gambit system. Basically, the combat doesn’t feel turn-based like a Japanese RPG, but instead, there’s a tactics system where you choose how your characters should respond. I found the system a little clumsy to use at first, but once you get used to it, it’s actually pretty awesome. But then, I was a huuuuge FFXII fan, so maybe I’m biased.

There are two things severely missing with this type of combat system. One, players should be able to change their party members mid-battle. Two, there needs to be a readily-found item or skill that revives party members who have fallen. Those two things might sound like easy ways out of a battle, but the real issue here is that some enemies (not bosses, just regular enemies) do way too much damage with one hit, so there isn’t time to heal all of your party members, even if you pause and do it manually rather than let the tactics system take care of it. At a higher level, there are spells to take care of this (at a high cost), but there should be an option from the start.

Of course, this means that you have to be very strategic with your fighting, which is the silver lining. As soon as you see an enemy group approaching, you need to pause the game and think about how to approach them, which party members to use, and what weapons set-up will work best.

Graphics and Audio

The graphics are definitely passable, but nothing to write home about. I guess I’m spoiled by recent games like Fallout 3, which blew the graphics out of the water. They weren’t distractingly bad, but I expected a little more in terms of the characters. One thing that really bothered me was that after every battle, the players faces were covered with blood splatter. Even the mages and archers, who weren’t standing near the battle. Even if you were near a battle, wouldn’t you wipe your face to clear the blood from your eyes? It was just really weird looking when your characters were talking to other characters immediately after a fight. “Oh, yes, my face is covered in toxic demon blood. No big deal. Just another day at the office.”

Throughout the game, I encountered little graphics-related bugs. For example, at one point, as I approached a certain NPC to talk to her, she disappeared, except for the bow on her back. You should still talk to her, and when you did so, she reappeared, so it wasn’t a big deal…but a bug like that shouldn’t have gotten through. There were also a few points where the camera, which I liked for the most part, bugged out and showed my the inside of a rock or something. I guess in a game this massive, it’s to be expected that there will be a few problems, but it is always disappointed when there are.

What the game lacked in graphics it made up for in audio. I absolutely loved the voice acting, and was impressed that there were so many different NPC voices, along with accents to go with every race, class, and city. The background music during battles fit well without being overwhelming, and I’m a huge 30 Seconds to Mars fan, so I liked what I heard of the soundtrack. Event the sound effects while walking, opening chests, etc. worked well.

Game “Extras”

Along with elves, humans, and dwarfs, the game also includes other races, and members of these races join your party at times. One of my favorites is the war hound class, dogs that are “imprinted” to protect a certain person. Early in the game, if you help to save one of the sick dogs in a side quest, he’ll come back and join your party. They’re actually really effective in battle.

I will say that the sheer history included in the game is a little overwhelming. There’s no shortage of side quests to do, each of which has a backstory, but that just scratches the surface. Along the way, you’ll also learn about history of the kingdom, the races, and tons of little shit about which you just don’t care. At least you don’t have to read through it all, but die-hard fans will be happy to know that there’s hours of reading material.

This isn’t the type of game that you want to skip stuff, though. You can rush through and finish it in probably 30 to 40 hours, but that’s a disservice to the game. With just one character, you can easily spend 80 hours in this game, completing all of the quests and exploring all of the worlds. And you should. That’s the point of Dragon Age: Origins. It’s supposed to be a long game. You’re supposed to really care about the characters. This isn’t a hack-and-slash game that you bolt through as fast as you can. If that’s your schtick, buy Madden.

Final Thoughts

You’ll get your money out of this game, and it even makes sense to buy it new rather than used, since new copies will come with DLC codes for a special set of armor and an entire new character, complete with an extensive backstory and a unique quest. Is Dragon Age: Origins the RPG of the decade? Maybe. It really depends what you like in an RPG. If you want Oblivion punched in the face by Bioware, you’ll love it.