In an official comment on the situation, posted by G4TV, Activision confirms that both Jason West and Vince Zampella have left Infinity Ward, leaving Steve Pearce and Steve Ackrich in control of the company for the time being.

Activision also states that Infinity Ward is still releasing two new downloadable map packs (currently in development) for Modern Warfare 2 sometime this year.

While details are scarce, Activision also announced the release of a new Call of Duty title dated for release in 2011, developed by Activision-owned Sledgehammer Games for the “action-adventure” genre.

G4TV quotes Activision publishing president and CEO Mike Griffith, saying:

“2010 will be another important year for the Call of Duty franchise… In addition to continued catalog sales, new downloadable content from Infinity Ward and a new Call of Duty release, we are excited about the opportunity to bring the franchise to new geographies, genres and players.”

Currently Activision CEO Bobby Kotick is meeting with Infinity Ward. Word on that as soon as we have details.

Pokemon, oh, Pokemon. What was once a secret guilty pleasure of mine has transformed into a monster run rampant—an obsession, if you will. And with the remake of one of my favorite Game Boy titles of all time less than two weeks away, I find myself sleeping less and less as I scratch the hours into my bedpost.

Yes, I’ll admit it: I love Pokemon. Fuckin’ love it. The gameplay is intricate, yet catchy. The music is bouncy and memorable. And the Pokemon are badass as all hell.

Well, for the most part…

See, when developing a game centered around the pursuit and capture of nearly 500 monsters, you’ve got a lot of ground to cover. While you’re bound to have a few “less than desirable” creatures spill into the mix, some of the beasts in recent Pokemon history are utterly disgusting.

Of course, many Pokemon are just as awful as their evolved forms. For the sake of saving stress (read: punching more Pocket Monsters), I bundled such Pokemon together whenever the circumstances called for it.

Useless as a dick on your elbow—and in no particular order—here are the top ten Pokemon I want to punch in the face.

Goofy as fuck and twice as ugly, Mr. Mime is what you get when you cross Down syndrome with clown college and Megaman’s Dr. Wily. Instead of the fire-breathing, rock-crushing, energy-spitting powers wielded by cool Pokemon, Mr. Mime’s purpose is far more—er—passive.

Using his fingertips to generate telekinetic energy fields, Mr. Mime is strictly a defensive player. While this tactic certainly has its place in any battle, the package it’s presented in is a complete joke. Those stupid shoes, that hideous costume, and that abhorrent haircut practically begs for a black eye. The fact that all mimes need a good walloping as is doesn’t help its case any either.

Forcing all female Pokemon of the species to question their sexuality, Mr. Mime gives new meaning to the term “invisible rope”.

One could argue that Magikarp is the embodiment of a hard day’s work—a life lesson, if you will. Magikarp teaches gamers that with tenacity, devotion, and a little bit of love, even the most pathetic of creatures can turn into an awesome, ass-kicking super-dragon.

One could argue that, sure. But during those fifteen to twenty levels spent training the lousy bastard, there’s nothing you want to do more than give the goldfish-looking hackey sack a swift kick to the gills. Other than splash and a late-learned tackle, Magikarp is completely useless in battle, making even the wussiest of Pokemon Norse battle-gods.

Fighting one yields the bare minimum when it comes to experience points. You’re better off throwing it back than battling the damn thing, because the twenty points of experience gained are practically worthless.

Other than the massively redeeming quality of evolving into the ever-epic Gyarados, Magikarp is better left strung up by his tail to be used as a punching bag in Ivan Drago’s gym.

Oh. My. GOD!

The inclusion of Spoink and Grumpig in any Pokemon game is baffling. It leaves me practically speechless. Grumpig is easily the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, and Spoink isn’t much better. Everything about these Pokemon makes me want to put my fist through a wall.

But perhaps I’m overreacting. Maybe they’re not all that bad. I mean, Spoink is sorta kind of cute in a stupid way, I guess.

*looks at picture of Grumpig*

AAARRRRGGHGHHGGHHHH!!! SMASH!!!!

*puts fist through wall*

Fucking OW!!!1!1!

Christ, I want to curb stomp the both of ‘em!

Grumpig and Spoink: they’ll surely be the death of me.

The first time I saw Nosepass, I facepalmed so hard that it was two weeks before the red handprint faded from my forehead. Things only got worse when Probopass made its debut, sporting that fruity mustache that’s the envy of any high-class porn star.

Nosepass and Probopass are the epitome of what a Pokemon shouldn’t be. Each time I see one, it’s all I can do to keep myself from pounding the shit out of my DS until I break my hand.

Ugly. Stupid. Big-nosed. Describing Nosepass and Probopass is an insult in itself.

Let images speak, for they say more than I ever could.

Behold and shudder in disgusted rage!

Currently there are roughly 500 known Pokemon in the Pokemon universe. But of all 500, one stands out in my mind as absolutely, positively, completely fucking useless.

Luvdisc doesn’t evolve, nor does it learn any powerful moves. It’s far from intimidating, and its overall design is bland and unimaginative. Should Nintendo and Game Freak yank Luvdisc from the next game in the series, I doubt anyone would even notice.

Looking like a Communion wafer cut into the shape of a heart, Luvdisc is equally sturdy in battle. At one point, chosen as Serebii.net’s Pokemon of the Week, the author offers this advice when facing the heart-shaped pansy of the sea:

Just hit it. It has very low defense, so any strong attack should take it down quickly and easily.

No battle plan necessary. Just beat the fucker down. Sounds about right; I’d leap at the chance to break a Luvdisc over my knee.

Luvdisc, if you didn’t have gills, I’d drown you in salt water.

The Ellen DeGeneres and Rosie O’Donnell of the Pokemon world, both Volbeat and Illumise are the most gimmicky bug Pokemon in the franchise. A fashionably useless pairing for team battles, Volbeat and Illumise are an excellent way to show your opponent just how much you hate yourself.

While their names are admittedly pretty cool (Fact: Volbeat is actually the name of a Danish metal band), their appearance is comparable to David Bowie and Roseanne Barr banding together to start an insect-inspired clothing line. Frustrating and completely hideous, Volbeat and Illumise make me relieved to know the good lord blessed me with not one, but two fists for punching.

Volbeat and Illumise: more campy and degrading than amateur Devil May Cry fan fiction.*

Fact: Everyone’s screamed at a Zubat at least once. Easily every player’s pet peeve, you’re guaranteed to encounter at least a thousand of these little pricks per playthrough.

Stuck in a cave? Why not fight six or seven-dozen Zubat. Moving through some dark valley or forest? These suckers are swarming like mosquitoes.

While Zubat evolves into a somewhat decent Pokemon, this sharp-toothed nuisance is more annoying than the talking pop-up ads on certain independent gaming blogs. It’s weak. It’s pitiful. And it’s everywhere. The only hope you have is a high-level leader with some repels. And even then—someway, somehow—a Zubat slips through, making an already tedious venture through some cave fucking frustrating as hell.

Zubat: it’s like Twilight the Pokemon.

Hideous. Ridiculous. Sorta looks like a pumpkin.

Or poop. Spiny poop.

I’d like put it into a bag and set it ablaze on the porch of the artist who came up with the concept for these half-baked excuses for Pokemon.

Cacnea and Cacturne are as vile as their awful, uninspired names imply. The only Pokemon that really compares is Carnivine, another goofy-ass grass Pokemon mere inches away from inclusion on this list.

Give me a blender, some Kevlar gloves, and five minutes with one of these prickly fucks. I’ll puree them into a cactus smoothie.

Pokemon that exist just because they can, Cacnea and Cacturne are more than deserving of a baseball bat to the face.

Bidoof is a lot like black licorice; nobody likes it, but it’s fucking EVERYWHERE!

But as much as I detest Bidoof, I absolutely hate Bibarel—the bulky, butt-sucking beaver Bidoof evolves into.

Honest to god, I hate Bibarel so freakin’ much. Its bucked teeth. Its shit-eating grin. Its perpetually clueless expression, exemplifying the absolute nothing going on upstairs.

If given the chance, I’d love to knock Bibarel’s stupid teeth out with a cinder block. Now that would make it think twice about existing.

My beef with Combee stems from this logic:

The Pokemon games already have a bee Pokemon—and a cool one at that. And, truth be told, Beedrill is pretty freakin’ badass.

But instead of having all female Kakuna (the evolutionary variant preceding Beedrill) transform into the formidable Vespiqueen, Nintendo and Game Freak went and created the abomination that is Combee.

Fucking Combee. Christ, just look at it! It’s a piece-of-shit Pokemon that strives to achieve cuteness and popularity, coming up short. Way short.

Okay, so maybe it’s a little cute…

Even so, all male Combee are incapable of evolution, making them completely useless in battle. If you have a female Combee, lucky you—it turns into Vespiqueen. But like I said: it should evolve from Kakuna (much like how Bellossom evolves from Gloom).

It’s times like these I wish I were Goro from Mortal Kombat. Then I’d have an arm to pound each of Combee’s three faces with a spare to strangle a Grumpig while I do the deed.

Combee—I dub thee THE MOST POINTLESS POKEMON IN THE WORLD!

*I was too lazy to find a link, but trust me: it exists.

While you’d expect this stuff on a hacked/modded PC game, I never thought I’d see it on the console port.

Special thanks to Jadira who was quick with her camera, recording my airborne fight with a flying fire Tank. Simply epic.

Dynasty Warriors is a prime example of “love it or hate it”. While some find the game redundant, mindless, and lacking innovation, others see it as a majestical dance in sunshine sugar fields of orgasmic pleasure—just brimming with armed bodies to decapitate as you please.

I fall into the latter category, loving the damn things like a hobo loves liquor.

Which brings us to Dynasty Warriors Strikeforce. I missed the PSP version which launched last April (though I did catch the demo which was pretty tight). Because of this, I was anxious to see what joys a console port would bring.

But when I finally got to play it, I was stricken with a blended smoothie of bitter emotion. To be fair, Dynasty Warriors Strikeforce is certainly fun and doesn’t come close to the awful I’ve seen in many, many games reviewed for this site. However, it’s far from up to snuff when contrasted with past games in the series, leaving me hungry for an experience it’s utterly incapable of delivering.

If you’re wondering about the gameplay, don’t. It’s classic Dynasty Warriors through and through. More solid than ever, the controls are sharp as a scimitar, making for some praise-worthy wartime fun. Simply put, mashing buttons in random combinations to wipe out wave after wave of enemy troops never felt so good.

Unfortunately, the same can’t be said about the game’s camera. Controlled with the right analog stick, I don’t recall the last time I’ve had to struggle so much to get the right perspective on the action. It’s so incredibly sensitive and finicky that its hard not to notice. You know those plants that shrivel up when you touch them? Yeah, it’s sort of like that.

The same issue plagues the lock-on system. While not as bad as the camera, you’ll likely struggle to highlight the enemy you want to focus on.

New to the game is the fury gauge. Replacing the Musou bar of Dynasty Warriors past, the fury gauge powers up your officer a lot like this, boosting your jump height, attack power, the number of executable dashes, and other abilities.

Oh, and dashing is badass as hell. Easily the coolest, and most useful, feature of gameplay, dash attacks are used constantly to take down enemies and reach high platforms. If you play the game, you’ll know what I mean.

Your character also rocks a secondary weapon of your choosing, a welcome alternative to the shoddy bow of past Dynasty Warriors titles. Although you’re stuck with the primary weapon assigned to your officer (same weapon set as DW6, in case you were wondering), the secondary weapon makes up for it—at least a little.

Dynasty Warriors Strikeforce is heavily built around character customization, something that works as a double-edged sword as far as execution goes. Certainly, adding “chi” to each of your limbs, orbs to your weapons, and items to your characters inventory makes battles easier and more entertaining, but the overall process of upgrading anything is a bloody burden.

Allow me to explain. Between stages, you explore your city, which is also upgradable. This acts as a sort of storefront where you can buy new goodies for your character. Every upgrade, from weapons to orbs, costs both gold and the raw materials to manufacture the item.

Now, here’s where things get confusing…

Actually, you know what? I don’t want to explain it. Fuck it. It’s just so damn complicated and it hurts my head to think about it. Not worth it. I mean, yeah, it’s possible to understand how it works, but there’s just so much you have to keep track of. It’s pointless.

What once consisted of tacking a couple of orbs on your character is an overly ambitious “trade system” where you exchange materials and cash for new shit. All in all, the process is ridiculous. You have to keep track of so many colors, numbers, and items that you’ll find yourself forgoing upgrades and just sticking it out with a crummy, low-level sword. For a hack-and-slash, this system is far too intricate. Just power up my guy, and let me slice some bitches to bits already.

Of course, the biggest let down is the lack of something this game really should have in the first place; there’s no local co-op. That’s right, kids. In Dynasty Warriors Strikeforce, you can’t play split-screen with your buddies. This inexplicable absence of something that’s been in the game since the damn beginning is baffling and unforgivable.

To its credit, Dynasty Warriors: Strikeforce offers an online mulitplayer co-op that supports up to four players at a time (which—due to unfortunate issues with my Internet connection—I am unable to review), but the fact that I can’t call up a friend and play with him/her on a split screen is pathetic. Every other game in the franchise has it; why can’t this one. Tell me, how hard is it to program a split-screen co-op?

So instead of human player support, the single player mode accommodates you with NPC generals that follow you around like bodyguards did in other games. They’re far more intelligent and capable than the bodyguards of the past, kicking some serious ass. Not to mention it’s pretty sweet to have Cao Cao and Zhen Ji backing you with the press of a button. You feel like a crack team of Navy SEALS, but with swords instead of special ops experience and machine guns. Still, it’s no split-screen co-op. *sad face*

While pretty for a DW game, the environment lack the expanse one enjoyed in past games. Load screens appear between transitions from one part of a level to the other. If you get knocked back by an enemy near one of these points, you have to wait for the next area to load, then run back, triggering yet another load screen. Don’t get me wrong—the load time is only about five seconds, and I understand this is a port from a handheld game. But this gets frustrating if it happens more than once. Plus, we’re talking stages far smaller than the massive landscapes in games as far back as DW2. I didn’t have load screens then. Why now?

Unfortunately, that’s another area where Strikeforce goes horribly wrong. While the god-awful draw distances of the past are no longer an issue, enemies literally spawn in front of you. Not to mention they spawn indefinitely. In the past, enemies would only reappear until you kill their captain. In Strikeforce, you can hack away for hours without a single breath of air. Because of this, a game once based upon killing throngs of enemies to rack up a tally in the many hundreds is reduced to “Fuck it, I’m just powering through the stage as fast as I can.”

Oh, and you can’t display the health bar of common baddies either. Only certain enemies have a life gauge, and the joy of depleting a dozen red bars in a single swipe is strictly a thing of the past.

The Final Verdict

Ultimately this is a polished port that could have benefited from a little more time and focus. While the game is fun, you won’t stay too long due to the over-complicated upgrade system. While Strikeforce has plenty of redeeming qualities, it’s not exactly a must-buy for console-owning DW fans. Though not a bad game by any means, even the most devout DW devotees will find disappointment upon seeing a classic stripped of many of the features that made it so fun in the first place.

So is Dynasty Warriors Strikeforce at least a rental? Eh, why not? But because of some over-complicated elements in a game that should be kept simple, I lost interest in just a few hours. I understand that this is the port of a PSP title (perhaps it should have remained a handheld exclusive). But this time around, I actually wish this were a case of “been there, done that” and not a case of “been there, but where’s everything gone?”

I have the feeling the online play would garner the game a few more points, so I can’t knock it that hard. I’ve been a fan of the DW series for years, having played the game since it stopped being a fighter (crazy, no?). Perhaps I spend too much time comparing Strikeforce to the old games, but when it hardly revolutionizes something already done right—taking away from the game I fell in love with—it’s kind of hard not to.

Try it if you’re still drooling over the thought of another DW, but save your pennies for Dynasty Warriors 7 if you’re expecting anything more than mediocre.

I like Left 4 Dead a lot. Like, a lot a lot. The whole franchise has become a strange obsession of mine, giving me yet another reason to visit the homes of my Xbox boasting buddies (aside from the typical food piracy). Few things beat mowing down hordes of flesh-eating zombies with an assault rifle after a long day of… wait, what do I do again?*

But nevermind that. We’ve only got about five more months before Valve announces Left 4 Dead 3 (and only about ten before they release it).** While Left 4 Dead 2 is wonderful in a million and one ways that more than tickle my fancy, I still have some suggestions that could essentially make for that hallowed “perfect game” all the kids are begging for.

Perfect game maker machine GOOOOOOO!!!

While the Left 4 Dead franchise always made plenty good with mass amounts of zombies, I want more. How cool would it be to play a stage where you fight through a literal sea of the infected (*coughboatstagecough*)? Or how about a New Year’s-themed stage in Time’s Square where zombies, confetti, and pointy hats run rampant as you bound from scaffold to scaffold to avoid drowning in an ocean of biting and ew.

I’m just sayin’, give me just one stage that’s brimming with the bastards. I’m sure Valve could think of something.

That thing’s just stupid. It grunts and groans as it head-humps you into a festering cluster of zombie bullshit. Plus it looks like a chihuahua.

Not only is it ridiculously annoying, but playing as one in multiplayer is damn near insulting. Replace it with something cool, and we’re in business. Something with a gun, perhaps? Hmmm…

Bring in all the peeps from old games and make them playable online. I know it’s a ridiculous notion, but it would add a lot of back-story and plot development to a game very lacking in that department (sort of like that L4D2 DLC I’m eagerly anticipating). Hell, you could even introduce characters related to other characters from past games. One might argue the ambiguous nature of Left 4 Dead is part of what makes it so great—and to that I agree. Still, my curiosity is killing me.

On a completely unrelated note: where the fuck did the Witch come from, and why is she so damn powerful? Agh! So mysterious.

Another idea is to offer a main campaign that introduces us to the new zombie hunters and lets us play as the classic L4D Survivors in modes like “Survival” and “Scavenge”.

Actually, I have an even better idea than that: custom characters. Who wouldn’t want to see a poorly-imagined rendition of yours truly fight the horde.*** It would make the game more intimate.

It’s a real bitch playing L4D single player. Yes, I know it’s designed for multiplayer, and there’s no denying that the game’s far more enjoyable with a pal. But some of us lack that luxury, and when you’re surrounded by claws and ultraviolence, it’s nice knowing you can fall back on your NPC friends.

I’ve already watched one NPC watch another NPC DIE right in front of me (I didn’t help just to see if it would—it didn’t). I once saw another hold a health pack in its defense, unable to switch to its weapon, until the horde ripped it to shreds. An option to command other NPCs is something the franchise desperately needs. Make use of that Xbox headset I stole from my neighbor’s kid and let me shout for help when I need it—this way I actually get it.

Want to increase the replay value of L4D3 exponentially?

Introducing the Zombiometer(TM)—a counter that keeps track of a player’s “zombie miles”. Each zombie you kill adds to your score, this way you can see how many you’ve killed total, how many special infected you’ve slain, or even how many of the beasts you’ve gunned down in your last campaign.

User profiles keeping track of this information is essential. Think of it like Halo or Call of Duty where the game assigns you a player profile and a rank representing your performance. This brings me to my next point:

Let me level up. So very many games include this most basic RPG element, and it’s a wonder why it’s yet to be exercised in Left 4 Dead. As I play, I should be rewarded—and thus—inspired to kill as many zombies as possible. While run-of-the-mill survival is fun and all, I need more incentive. As gamers grow, the games they play need to grow with them. This is just the next logical step for the franchise.

Ideally, this could work to match the player’s style of gameplay. Use a lot of melee weapons? You’ll notice you hit faster and harder as you grow. Find yourself taking lots of hits? Benefit from the damage by getting a higher defense stat or more health. Like using the sniper rifle? Increase your aim at the next level. The possibilities never end.

Of course, if I don’t get to level up, at least give me some perks to playing as any given character. It’s already damn near impossible to complete a stage if one or more of your characters drops, so adding special abilities just makes sense. One character could have extra melee strength and the ability to unblock blocked passageways using brute force. Another could be super fast and hold a lockpick. One could serve as a medic, healing others faster and replenishing more health when using health packs.

Using this system would make the gameplay infinitely more interesting than it already is, opening the door to alternate paths and deepening the need to work together in order to survive.

If I fall off a ledge during a zombie apocalypse (or any apocalypse for that matter), I’m sure as hell not waiting for some asshole to pull me up. No way.

If you have the strength to kill a group of five or six rabid men with a cricket bat in a single swing, you have the strength to pull your own body weight up from the side of a handrail.

That’s something I’ve never understood about the franchise. Yeah, I get that you’re supporting the notion of team dependency, but that’s taking it a bit too far. I’m a big boy; I can climb my own ledges, thank you.

*Okay, so the zombies technically never “eat flesh” in Left 4 Dead, per se. But who cares, ya bastard?
**Not a rumor, but a joke.
***Not in any part due to the developers, but my own limitations when it comes to making things look like me.

Not perfect enough for ya? Tell us how you’d make Left 4 Dead 3 in the comments section below.

And I thought the guys who spend $700+ on a beefed-up WoW character were bad.

According to Electronic Theatre, some buffoon with a wallet the size of a mid-sized, suburban home paid nearly 70 grand for a “Virtual Egg” in the game Planet Calypso, an MMORPG I personally hadn’t heard of until this very moment (go figure).

Apparently Planet Calypso is the rich man’s MMO, working the same exchange rate as the U.S. dollar. What does this mean? It means that if you have any sense, you’ll probably never play it—well, unless you’re this guy.

The current owner of the most expensive egg in gaming history is none other than David Storey (in game: Deathifier), a poor-minded man who’s family will probably leave him once they learn about his “investment”.

Then again, maybe he has nothing to worry about. I mean, he is the owner of the in-game “Treasure Island“. That’s like being the REAL owner of Treasure Island, only not at all.

In my mind, this story closes with Jon Jacobs (in game: NEVERDIE) laughing his way to the bank, having purchased the egg back in 2006 for a rough ten grand. That’s a 700% profit and the rights to rub his money in the face of anyone who laughed at his investment four years ago.

Best-case scenario: the egg hatches into massive amounts of stock in the company that publishes Planet Calypso.

Worst-case scenario: it hatches into this thing.

Instead, I was one of the many who caught wind of Left 4 Dead 2 and boldly cried out “TOO SOON!”

And, at the time, that really seemed to be the case. The first Left 4 Dead came out just seven months earlier, leaving devout fans of the series (including myself) wondering why Valve would promote such a rash and seemingly foolish gesture.

Soon enough, questions began to flare:

• Why the hell isn’t this DLC?
• What about that game I bought last November? You’re dropping support for it already?
• What’s going on with zany Zoey, buckeye Bill, funky Francis, and lucky Louis? You just gonna ditch those guys too?
• How you expect me to buy a new Left 4 Dead game every year? I’ve still gotta get Madden, Guitar Hero, and the next Call of Duty. I don’t have money for this shit!

So when the game finally came out, I was admittedly quick to judge. After playing just a single campaign, I boldly stated I didn’t see any reason for Left 4 Dead 2 to exist as a stand-alone game.

But boy, was I wrong. Not only did a second go at Left 4 Dead 2 leave my face with an expression much like this one—it totally rocked my socks (and how!).

I won’t waste your time talking about what’s unchanged from the first game; for the most part, it’s essentially the same. You’re a group of four nobodies, immune to zombie-itis (tee hee—kinda looks like it says “zombie tits”), fighting your way to freedom using whatever guns and makeshift explosives you find along the way. Along with regular infected, several breeds of “super infected” are out to make your trek from point A to point B a real bitch. If you know anything about the original, then you pretty much know what you’re getting into here.

So instead, I’m focusing on the differences and what’s new, because if you’re interested in this L4D2, you need to the play the original Left 4 Dead first. If you haven’t, you’re missing out.

First of all, I’d must clarify one thing: there definitely enough new content available to warrant a purchase, that’s for sure. While on the outside the game seems to be nothing more than a glorified map pack, looks are damn deceiving. And for that, I have this to say:

Sowwy for talking bad about your game, Valve. *sad face*

With that out of the way, let’s carry on:

The level design is bloody magnificent. While not the prettiest game on the market, each stage is completely unique, offering its own set of twists and turns. My personal favorite was the Hard Rain campaign where the sky opens up every few seconds sending a torrential downpour your way, making it nearly impossible to see your friends—and more importantly—your enemies.

Missions also play a part in Left 4 Dead 2, but not in the traditional sense (a la Goldeneye). What was once “Hit that switch there and hold onto your hats” is now “Hit that switch there and 1) fill this car with gas so we can peace the fuck out, 2) cross that massive bridge before we gets eated, or 3) get guy some soda so he lets us live.” Each stage has its own twist, adding depth that the first game unfortunately lacked wouldn’t have fit in a downloadable patch.

L4D2 also adds three new special infected to the roster: the Spitter, the Charger, and the Jockey. All in all, the new special infected (with the exception of the Jockey) are freakin’ stupendous. The Charger is much like a mini-Tank, blitzing through the horde so he can slam you against a wall, grab you by your waist, and pound you to the ground repeatedly. The Spitter does just what its name implies—spits at you. The game refers to it as “goo”, but the sizzling sounds and fumes that eminiate from it imply acid, at best.

Oh, and then there’s the Jockey, a completely annoying and frustrating enemy that makes goofy-ass sounds as it humps and pulls you away from your allies. Stupid Jockey.

Melee weapons are undoubtedly the best thing Valve could have done for the franchise. Most of them are obvious homages to other popular zombie and video game franchises, bringing a warming touch of nostalgia to your regular zombie bashings. Crowbars, cricket bats, katanas, machetes, and even frying pans are at your disposal. Truly, melee weapons are a thing of glory.

All of the game modes from the original L4D are back (including my beloved Survival mode—mmm…) along with a few extras. Scavenge mode has you completing missions while other players control the special infected to prevent you from clearing the stage. There’s also a Realism mode where items and allies aren’t highlighted, making the game a slightly more challenging.

Unfortunately, the dystopian world of Left 4 Dead 2 is far from perfect. The hit detection is horrible, and as wonderful as the melee weapons are, I can’t fathom the idea of swinging a katana in a sea of zombies and not hitting a single one. I’ve even fired sniper rifles at point-blank range only to miss completely. While not common enough to piss on your parade, it’s the video game equivalent of putting a dime into a vending machine and having it drop down into the coin-return slot. Not a day-wrecker, but still annoying.

The AI dun’ gone got stupid since the last game. While the original Left 4 Dead’s AI wasn’t without its faults, it was more endearing than it was infuriating. In Left 4 Dead 2, your computer propelled buddies dumb as a sack of socks. While they’re capable of basic functions (erratic movement, taking the weapon you wanted, etc.), getting one to back you during battle is like asking a stroke victim to perform brain surgery. I once watched a computer-controlled Rochelle get choked to death by a smoker while a computer-controlled Coach watched in awe from thirty feet away. *facepalms*

On top of it all, I’ve noticed the game to occasionally award special infected kills inappropriately. I’ve killed many a Smoker only to see the credit go to some other NPC. I know it really doesn’t matter, and I’m probably just nit-picking, but in my line of work credit is everything. I want the tally for killing super zombies, damn it! At least give me that much.

Sadly, the new characters in Left 4 Dead 2 aren’t as memorable as Zoey, Bill, Francis, and Louis from the first game. While they each have their merits, you just don’t feel the same connection as you had with the original cast. Maybe it was that magnificent introduction in the first game that really linked us to the fearsome foursome, but either way, Nick, Rochelle, Ellis, and Coach are at least tolerable (though Rochelle seems like she was thrown in there just to add a female character, completely lacking of any distinguishing characteristics).

Oh, and Coach easily has the most badass set of mitts I’ve ever seen in a video game. I know, I know; it doesn’t make sense, but play as him and you’ll understand.

Changing the difficulty doesn’t affect the Director as it did in the first Left 4 Dead. Maybe it’s just me, but in the original game, upping the difficulty sent more infected your way and spawned a lot more special infected. In Left 4 Dead 2, it seems the only difference is how quickly you take damage. What a shame.

One more thing if you’re considering Left 4Dead 2: make sure you have a handful of friends to play with—or at least a neighbor or sibling who will play split-screen with you. While you can play by yourself, L4D2 is a lot like sex: the more, the merrier. A Gold account and a solid Internet connection is your ticket to zombie heaven, just as it was in the first game.

The Final Verdict

So if Valve graces us with another title in the Left 4 Dead franchise this November, will I complain? Maybe. But Left 4 Dead 2 certainly keeps my hopes alive if Valve intends on making this an annual event.

While I certainly have my share of complaints, and while the original does still shine brightly (in some ways, brighter than the sequel), the second title in the franchise is a must if you were ever even remotely obsessed with the first L4D. Left 4 Dead 2 is fun and entertaining, offering countless hours of—er—fun and entertainment. You’re definitely getting your money’s worth, even if it seems like you’re just paying for a second-helping of the first game.

Images by Richard Schupp

Name – Gruntilda Winkybunion

Other aliases – Grunty, green witch, evil bitc—oh!

Trademark features – Pointy hat, black parka, and a spiffy scarf. She also rhymes and plays the harp (well, not so much with the harp thing).

Notable for – Stealing/hiding golden jigsaw pieces. Tormenting Jinjos. Not knowing how to die. Rhyming.

First appearance – Banjo-Kazooie (1998)

I feel any good villain deserves a good rhyme. Here’s one I made for Gruntilda the witch:

There once was a witch named Gruntilda
who sat high atop a big hill-da.
Tooty’s beauty she’d take
and rhymes she would make,
because she’s an evil, angry witch and isn’t a very nice person at all.

I just wrote that right now. Proud of me?

Anyway, that’s enough of me trying to be poetic, creative, and post-modern with my—er—posts. Let’s just cut to the good stuff.

Gruntilda is a kickass villain; there’s no doubt about that. Not only does she fit into one of the greatest villain cliches OF ALL TIME (witches), she is also the antagonist in one of the greatest video games OF ALL TIME. This mixture alone is sufficient reason for her nomination to the Villain Hall of Fame.

However, for the sake of appeasing J.W. and his giant stick of forced article length and justice, I shall further investigate the awesomeness that is “Grunty”.

Five ways Gruntilda is scientifically GREATER than more “traditional witches”:

She rhymes… that’s pretty annoying.
Her broom has a face.
She’s intensely green—but not THAT green.
She REFUSES TO DIE (more about that later).
She hosts regular gameshows… TO THE DEATH!

Okay, so none of those things are very original (aside from her broom having a face—which is damn cool). But it’s the collection of those things that make Grunty so great.

Well, come to think of it, Grunty is generally a huge rip-off of just about every cliche villain on the market. She stole the whole “collect throngs of senseless shit and do stuff with paintings” thing from Bowser, the whole “I’m the final boss” thing from Bowser, and even the whole “I’ve got a family” thing from (who else?) Bowser. They’re both green, both buffoons, and both like waiting for their foe atop a tower or mountain or some other crazy obstacle. Gruntilda = Bowser. This I am sure of.

Oh, and if you’ve been paying a lick of attention to any of this piece, you might have noticed the fact that she’s PRETTY FREAKIN’ IMMORTAL. She dies at the end of just about every Banjo-Kazooie title, and somehow she still makes an appearance as the big baddie at the top of the mountain in every damn sequel. Tenacity is spelled Gruntilda.

And what about that Game Over screen? If she so easily stole Tooty’s youth during the game over sequences in the first game, why didn’t she just do it right away? Instead she waits for Banjo to leap to his death nine times before she’d pull the lever. WTF, man… WTF? Even so, Grunty makes one smoking-hot super-witch after stealing Tooty’s youth. Yum! (Is that a staff beneath your beard, Gandalf, or are you just happy to see me? Har har!)

The story of Gruntilda’s never-say-die attitude toward villainy goes something like this: she gets crushed by a rock. She gets crushed by a rock (again). At one point, she comes back as a robot. At another, a head in a jar atop a witch-like body (a la Nixon in Futurama). Badass.

Of course, my main reason for selecting Grunty as our December entry is the obvious connection to The Night Before Christmas (well, it’s obvious now). Random fact: did you know rhyming is not only used in just about everything Gruntilda says in the first Banjo-Kazooie game, but also in The Night Before Christmas? Nonsensical but necessary connection to the holiday season complete.

A disgusting, vile individual, did you know that Grunty also picks her nose. Eww, gross!

She ultimately desires beauty, but later revenge. But mostly beauty. Which makes sense considering she’s ugly as ass from the get go. At least she’s honest.

As we’ve learned from previous lessons, inner-beauty is meaningless unless you’ve got some stunning body to encase all that sexy inner-hotness. Grunty, realizing this, steals some bear nobody gives a damn about and foolishly waits for her angry brother and his birdy buddy to come kick her ass. Sigh.

Essentially, Grunty belongs in the hall of fame due to her devotion to evil, her witch niche, and her blatant idiocy. Because honestly, she’s a dope. I can’t count the times she could have crushed Banjo and Kazooie with a boulder or an anvil. Still, it’s my hall of fame, and what I say goes, damn it! *admits Grunty*

Take that, opposers and naysayers, and embrace our latest entry into the Binge Gamer Villain Hall of Fame!

I’m not much of one for press releases. To be honest, I typically ignore them unless they’re absolutely glorious and promise me candy. Of course, anyone familiar with the typical press release already knows the rarity of an e-mail bringing tidings of chocolate-y goodness.*

Still, when it comes to cool factor, you’d be hard-pressed to find people more chill than the folk behind MAGFest. And considering the awesomeness of their featured guests and events—and considering that yours truly will be making an appearance—I’m tossing my typical policy over my left shoulder (at least for the moment).

So here it is, kids: your official MAGFest lineup. It’s looking pretty impressive. Allow me to take a moment to swoon over guests like DUKE NUKEM, SID MEIER, and the freakin’ YUGIOH: THE ABRIDGED SERIES GUY. Yes. Just yes.

Enjoy:

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

MUSIC AND GAMING FESTIVAL, NEW YEARS WEEKEND 2010

Live Video Game Music Cover Bands and 24 Hour Gaming For Four Days

WASHINGTON, DC — November 14, 2009 — MAGFest (Music And Gaming
Festival), the annual festival celebrating video games and video game
music, will be occuring January 1-4, 2010, in Alexandria, Virginia.
MAGFest is proud to release its lineup of featured guests and video
game music bands. This will be MAGFest’s eighth year, and it refuses
to let up on the endless onslaught of face-melting music and awesome
guests.

Promotional Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZnQxEhnsBc

Featured Guests:

Sid Meier (http://firaxis.com) – Director of Creative Development at
Firaxis Games, and creator of the “Civilization” game series.

Jon St. John (http://jsjprod.com/) – World renowned voice actor, known
best for his role as “Duke Nukem”.

Martin “LittleKuriboh” Billany
(http://www.yugiohtheabridgedseries.com/)- Creator of the fan parody
“YuGiOh: The Abridged Series”.

Matt Mercer and Zach Grafton (http://therewillbebrawl.com/) – Creators
of the hit web series “There Will Be Brawl”.

Featured Game Music Bands:

The OneUps (http://www.theoneups.com/)

Metroid Metal (http://metroidmetal.com/)

Armcannon (http://armcannon.com/)

Select Start (http://www.selectstartband.com/)

The Megas (http://themegas.com/)

Entertainment System (http://www.myspace.com/entertainmentsystem)

Temp Sound Solutions (http://www.tempsoundsolutions.com/)

This Place Is Haunted (http://thisplaceishaunted.com/)

Armadillo Tank (http://armadillotank.com/)

Rare Candy (http://www.rarecandyband.com/)

A_Rival (http://www.planetskill.com/a/)

The Smash Brothers (http://thesmashbrothers.com/)

Other Newly Featured Happenings at MAGFest:

Charity Game Marathon – The people at Speed Demos Archive
(http://speeddemosarchive.com/) will be doing a video game speed run
marathon for charity. For more than two days, members of SDA will have
to endure the grueling task of getting through over 60 games. They’ll
be taking donations though the whole process and donating all procedes
to CARE (http://care.org).

Indie Game Showcase – All independent game developers are welcome to
bring in their games to show off, and they will be judged and
critiqued by industry professionals, and other representatives from
academia.

About MAGFest:

http://magfest.org

MAGFest, The Music And Gaming Festival, is an annual event in the
Washington D.C. area dedicated to the celebration of video games and
video game music. Each year, MAGFest offers 24-hour console, arcade,
and PC game rooms, over ten live video game cover bands, a vendors
area, and guest speakers from the video game industry and fan scene.
It also features a “Jamspace” available to all attendees for impromptu
music performances. Numerous other events are scheduled each day.
MAGFest 8 is scheduled for January 1-4 2010.

For more details regarding MAGFest, contact Nick Marinelli, MAGFest
Community Manager, press@magfest.org.

*Dear PR folk: I kid. I kid. I actually intently read every press release that hits my inbox. Keep ‘em comin’, guys! (And don’t hate me.)

Contrary to everything I’ve been taught about writing pretty much anything, I’m starting this bit with a rhetorical question (and a damn good one at that). Tell me, kids: where would gaming be without the artists?

That’s right—absolutely nowhere. We wouldn’t have Link’s green tunic, Mario’s red hat and overalls, Snake’s badass eye-patch and bandanna, Katamari’s—er—Katamari, Cloud’s pointy yellow hair, or any of the Resident Evil zombies for that matter. These talented men and women have been giving us delicious eye-candy for years now, and it’s about time they get some recognition.

I ran into Juri H. at VGXpo 2009 (arguably the worst con I’d ever been to). She was the shining light of the expo, offering passersby the opportunity to view an absolutely stunning portfolio and the chance to take some of this work home with them for a measly ten bucks. I was floored by her work, and it was then that it occurred to me that these artists deserve some recognition (at least those with talent, anyway—har har!).

So once a month Ill be showcasing one of these artists, their work, and a spiffy little interview so you can learn more about them. I’m proud to introduce Juri H. as my first Binge Gamer Featured Artist. No joke, her work inspired this feature. Her art is fantastic, vibrant, and downright beautiful.

Interview machine gooooooooo!

Tell us a little about yourself (who you are, where you’re from, where you currently live, if you go to art school and where you go, etc.).

I’m Juri H. from Japan, living in NJ currently. I came to the U.S.A. in 2004 to study psychology and intended to be a psychotherapist, but couldn’t ignore my passion toward art, so I transferred to the University of the Arts in Philadelphia and graduated in 2008 majoring in Illustration.

My oldest memory is having a huge desire of wanting draw the shadow of a chandelier in the hotel lobby where my grandparents took me when I was two-and-a-half. Passion for drawing has been with me since I can remember.

What motivated you to pursue a career as an artist?

Hmmm, it’s hard question. I just want to draw and paint, so it doesn’t have to be a career as long as I can draw and paint. But nothing can make me as happy as art, so I’m just trying to be happy. I guess that’s the motivation.

What’s your favorite medium to work with?

Pencil and white Conté on brown paper and watercolor. But I like oil and color pencil too.

What artists have been your greatest influences?

There are so many artists I love, so it’s hard to say. Mucha, Bouguereau, Klimt, Rembrandt, and Vermeer are top five. I love something classical, elegant, and feminine. Also Kinuko Y Craft is my living hero. Not only because she is also from Japan and succeeding in Fantasy art—the area I want to be in—but also she is amazing as a person.

What are some of your favorite games?

I haven’t play video games for the longest time, but FFVI was one of my favorites. I loved Popolo Crois and The Legend of the Holy Sword 3, but I don’t think they were released in U.S.A.

Who are your favorite characters to draw/paint?

Fairies, angels, goddesses, or an innocent looking girl in a fantasy setting. If it has to be anime/game, that will be Major from Ghost in the Shell.

What is your favorite piece that you’ve worked on, and what’s the story behind it?

This one could be my favorite since this came out just as I wanted it to be (I usually don’t like my pieces). This was my homework for self portrait assignment in the school and I hate doing self-portraits, so I tried to hide my face and have fun putting my favorite elements like wings. The wings also symbolize my imagination, growing all over my body. I’m trying to pull them off to not drain in the delusion, but at the same time I’m holding them to my imagination not leaving me.

Ultimately, where do you want to go with your art career-wise?

I want to get published with classic fairytale children’s book eventually. That’s my ultimate goal, but I want to try video game character design in U.S.A. or fantasy book covers too.

What do you do when you’re not busy drawing or painting, aka what are your hobbies and how do you pay the bills?

I love reading and cooking. That’s what I do when I don’t feel like painting. I also like playing piano, knitting, and taking photos. When I used to live in Japan, I did traditional Japanese flower arrangement and tea ceremony practice in my spare time, but I don’t have enough tools and space to do them in U.S.A. currently. I want to do these again once my life gets more settled.

The way of paying bills? Some art gigs for small graphic design companies, coloring comics, selling prints at conventions, and taking commissions from people wanting naked Sephiroth fan art to people in need a serious oil painting portrait to hang on top of their fireplace. Surprisingly, putting them all together will be enough to feed me and my dog.

So where can your fans go to find more of your work?

• All my pieces including doodles
• Selected portfolio
• Comic coloring

If you think you have what it takes to be a Binge Gamer Featured Artist, contact me at perry.piekarski@bingegamer.net with some links to your stuff. Your work needs to be at least somewhat related to video games, and I make no promises. If you’ve got the goods, you get the interview. Simple as that.

Fenix Down is one of those bands that seems to find influence from just about everywhere. Taking inspiration not only from alternative rock bands like Tool and Linkin Park, the group also draws from a massive pool of video game music, with games like Final Fantasy (the band name is totally a FFVI refrence, btw) and The Legend of Zelda impacting their sound.

The result is an epic sonic experience that doesn’t waste time dabbling over the same riff again and again. Instead, Fenix Down produces elaborate orchestrations that explore the furthest reaches possible. Each tune is catchy and sounds completely unique from its brethren, something that’s pretty damn refreshing considering the number of artists that will fill an album with twelve of the same track, giving each uninspired tune a different title (I’m looking at you, Nickelback).

Anyway, check out this spiffy two-part interview featuring yours truly and, while you’re at it, give Fenix Down a listen at their official band MySpace and the band website.

Part 1

Part 2

GameX 09 gave us a chance to talk to a lot of fantastic people. One group that stood out to me in particular was the folk representing 2BeeGames, an indie gaming site where developers can submit their own works for users to play at their leisure. After submission, users can vote for their favorites. The prize: winning developers get to see their game published to consoles. It’s sort of like “The Prize” in Highlander, only with far less decapitation. Damn.

Long story short, James and I had the chance to interview Tony Tran of 2BeeGames and developer Terence Lee, the creator of Storm, an upcoming title for the XBLA, PSN, and iPhone. Good people. See them and their awesomeness in the interview below:

Honestly, I think what these guys are doing is a great service to the industry. There are a lot of great devs out there who aren’t getting the recognition they deserve; this is a great way to bring these talents to the forefront and add some fresh blood an industry filled with GTA clones and WWII-based FPS games.

Check out 2BeeGames at the link righ’ then thar’. All the games are free to play, some working off Flash while others will download right to your PC/Mac. Hell, even sign up on the site and vote while you’re at it.

On the first (and last) day I attended VGXpo 2009 (some know it as Friday), I had the privilege of meeting with Storm City Games for a chance to try out their upcoming DSi exclusive, System Flaw.

And if there’s ever been an exclusive, this is it.

System Flaw is the first game for the DSi that works only on the DSi (no PSP port for you!). Reps from Storm City boasted (jokingly) that Nintendo had to redesign their box art because of them, pasting a spiffy little “Only For DSi” label on the top left corner of the game box (how’s that for sticking it to the man?).

System Flaw is, in essence, a FPS. But instead of designing elaborate maps and quirky stages for you to explore, the game takes place in the scariest place imaginable for gamers such as myself—THE REAL WORLD (cue ominous music).

As you play System Flaw, you’ll see all the stuff around you on the DSi’s screen as it’s seen by the DSi’s outside camera (aka the one that faces other stuff than you when you play). Using the top buttons and twirling like a lunatic (see above gif for example), you shoot lasers at flying skulls and jellyfish looking things that attack you from all sides.

And you know what? The game’s pretty damn fun. I didn’t know what to expect when confronted with a “real world” FPS, but I do know that I liked what I saw. Storm City Games told me System Flaw has 100 levels, but didn’t mention whether it include a swivel chair (an accessory I definitely recommend for this game).

I also felt undeniably guilty when I pointed the console at the people watching and viciously blasted them with my lazer beamz. But let’s not talk about that.

System Flaw hits stores later this month, so if you’re a DSi owner, keep an eye out and don’t get too dizzy.

BOOTLEG PREVIEW TRAAAAAILER!

As a devout Sony fanboy, I support them in everything they do.* So it goes without saying when they post an ad in Chili like the one pictured above, I’m going to run to their defense when everyone starts talking controversy and say, “Now wait just a gosh darn minute! There’s more to it than that, man!”

And there is!

I mean, Nazi blood transfusions and graphic heart transplants have everything to do with video games. That’s what this industry was founded on, man.

[awkward silence]

Alright, so maybe this ad doesn’t make a thread of sense. But I do admire Sony for their gutsy and rather inventive marketing methods. They really love getting under people’s skin, don’t they?

But I don’t think it’s restricted to marketing, per se. Look at the PSP Go [rawr!], PlayStation Home, or even the senseless bullshit of me (of all people) not getting into the Sony Press Conference at E3.** Sony, my love—you know exactly what you’re doing.

So expect yet another explosion regarding yet another questionable marketing tactic by sweet ol’ Sony.

You know, explosions like this. Or this.

Or even this.

Stay tuned, kids. Next week we’ll likely see a 30-second clip of Sony’s Kaz Hirai beating a Miyamoto pinata with a lead pipe followed by the new PS3 logo and that lovely PlayStation “dling!”

Via: Engadget.

*No joke, I really am a Sony fanboy.

**I’d have an article to link to about this, but I never finished it. It currently resides as a draft haunting our WordPress dashboard.

See that? That’s the copy of Katamari Forever that found its way to my mailbox a little less than an hour ago. And you know what? Only something like this could tear me away from its sublime glory and quirky gameplay.

Capcom’s Kenji Inafune of Mega Man fame literally came out and had this to say at the Tokyo Game Show last week—right in front of a camera and a crowd of gamers too:

Man, Japan is over. We’re done. Our game industry is finished.

Of course, immediately following this statement, Inafune insisted that Capcom is still kicking ass and making games. Good for them.

But it’s not the fact that a highly influential figure (read: demigod) such as Inafune feels his industry is going to flat-line. Oh, no. It’s the fact that I, once again, was right.

Behold! Proof that I am God.

Personally, I think this is a pretty interesting debate. I mean, the industry has changed drastically within the last few years. Digital content is being force-fed to gamers in lieu of actual games, and there’s even the old “bait-and-switch” where you pay for content already on your game disc. Of course, you can also argue that games like Lost Planet 2 (Capcom), The Last Guardian, and even Katamari Forever are proof that the industry’s still got some fight left in her.

Personally, I agree and think the industry headed downhill, but for reasons different from those of Inafune.

What do you think? Is the gaming industry dying? Argue with me, kids!