I love Final Fantasy and it’s no secret. I’ve got soundtracks, plushies, action figures and art collections, strategy guides, models, cosplay outfits, and a collection of bad fanfiction.
I dig the original games, but I’m a total next gen fan. VII through X are my absolute favorites. I used to think the series could only get better with time, but I’m sad to say, recently in the FF department Square has been one hell of a disappointment.
Crisis Core sucks dick. It is the worst game I’ve ever played, and I’ve owned both Yo! Noid and Ecco the Dolphin. Dirge of Cerberus is useless, Advent Children is painful, and Dissidia entertained me for about five minutes before I went back to my DS and Legend of Zelda.
They’re all horrible for sure, but so far the smelliest piece of crap bearing the name Square-Enix has been Final Fantasy XII. Normally when I do RPGs, I get super obsessive compulsive, beating every side quest, finding all items, and leveling up like a demon until each of my characters is maxed out to 99. I couldn’t even make it past the 20 hour mark in FFXII, giving up completely when I realized the storyline has the strength of ten Ambien. Maybe I’m unsophisticated, but overly complex battle systems and constant explanations of Dalmascan politics grate my nerves. Maybe I’m lazy, but I like the extra time real turn-based combat gives me to stuff my mouth with more Doritos.
We go way back, Square and me, so I’m willing to give Final Fantasy another try even after so much wasted money. Enter FFXIII, the game on which I’m pinning my last hope. My copy’s been fully paid for since the middle of December.
As a rule, I try not to watch trailers or read previews of games I know I’m buying before they come out. It keeps me from forming opinions way too quickly. But with Final Fantasy XIII the blind date approach just wasn’t working. I didn’t need to background check the bitch, but I at least had to Facebook her. So avoiding opinionated blogs and leaked videos, I checked out Square’s official website.
The word of the day, kids, is trepidation. My relationship with FF is on thin ice. This’ll be the game that saves our marriage, or forces me to sign the divorce papers.
I’d like to take you through FinalFantasyXIII.com, dissecting each element and casting judgment as I see fit. So if you’re a fellow member of the FF harem and criticism offends you, I suggest you batten down the hatches or ignore what I’m about to tell you.
Square kicks things off with an unnecessary news section. There isn’t much actual news here unless you live in San Fransisco and want to keep a heads up for the Twitter truck. I could summarize every pertinent piece of information in two short sentences. This game was delayed. A lot.
Now the Story:
Cocoon-—a utopia in the sky
Its inhabitants believed their world a paradise.
Under the Sanctum’s rule, Cocoon had long known peace and prosperity.
Mankind was blessed by its protectors, the benevolent fal’Cie, and believed that tranquil days would continue forever.
Their tranquility was shattered with the discovery of one hostile fal’Cie.
The moment that fal’Cie from Pulse—the feared and detested lower world—awoke from its slumber, peace on Cocoon came to an end.
And so on.
It’s pretty bare bones, dishing out unfamiliar terminology with less caution than a chemistry textbook. Although I still don’t understand who or what exactly the fal’Cie is, I know that one way or another this place they call Cocoon is gonna need saving. Or destroying. Possibly a little of both. It’s tough to get a handle on these things when your plot summary is more cryptic than the Lament Configuration.
The Characters:
The cast of XIII is strangely familiar, and it’s not just because Square’s been shoving imagery down our throats since 2006. As I scanned their bios, I noticed each one bears a striking resemblance to previous Tetsuya Nomura creations. Coincidence? You be the judge. Scratch that, this is my article. It’s just fucking unoriginal.
- We’ve got our protagonist, Lightning. This chick seems tough, but for someone Nomura’s heralded as the female Cloud Strife, she’s dressed an awful lot like Ashe from FFXII. Thankfully, appearance is where the similarities end. Despite reservations about the game itself, I’m actually excited to play her. Trailers show Lightning wielding a modified gunblade and generally looking badass. She’s the only character I don’t feel the express need to rag on.
- Snow is FFVIII’s Seifer Almasy as a straight man. Okay, so it’s difficult to imagine any Final Fantasy femboy attracted to women, but this is as close as Nomura gets to manly without going full Kuma. If the unhemmed trenchcoat, Bret Michaels bandanna, and five o’clock shadow Snow’s sporting aren’t enough to convince you, dude rides a motorcycle made out of two ladies. That’s right guys, two ladies.
- Vanille. Am I saying this right? Is it Vanilla? Because that’s a stripper’s name, and you know who else looked like she knew her way around a greased pole? Rikku. The FFX babe’s a blonde and our girl’s a redhead, but if you think the comparison’s weak, just take Vanille’s “relentlessly sunny disposition” and mecha-inspired Eidolon as proof of her inner Al-Bhed. She’s kind of cute, but the mention of both “bright†and “endearing†in her character profile guarantee that by the endgame she’ll be hella annoying. Spoiler-laced Wikipedia tells me she’s the game’s narrator. Fuck it.
- Oh hey there, Penelo’s twin brother. I like your hipster scarf. The character design of XIII so closely resembles XII’s that I’m wondering if Nomura just wanted to give Ashe and Vaan a do-over. Hope is painfully milky, but the screenshots of him and his Eidolon Alexander are actually my favorite. He’s so small, had he not revealed his status as Little Miss Daddy Issues in the trailer, I might’ve felt protective.
- It’s a fucking travesty, but unless the bracelet she’s hiding on her right arm is actually a belt gone undercover, it would appear that Serah is completely sans buckle. This Kairi lookalike seems to be following her Kingdom Hearts counterpart straight into non-playable girlfriend territory. Serah’s “inner fortitude†and “concern for Lightning†suggest whiny do-goodness, while the ponytail clipped to the side of her head looks like something that came out of my dustbuster. When I first read Serah’s description, I thought she was marrying Hope, and I was disturbed by how young they both seem. Then I realized she’s actually Snow’s fiance, and FFXIII got even creepier.
- Ms. Fang looks like a feral 80s rocker that somehow got her hands on a sports bra. Someone needs to take away her aqua net stat, because the hair on this bitch is two blowouts away from having the resiliency of uncooked spaghetti. She is my least favorite character so far, pissing me off within milliseconds of her debut in the international trailer. I hate everything about her design and have no idea why Square would slap such shitty clothing on an otherwise smokin’ female. The only horrible thing excusable on Fang is her ugly tribal tattoo as alas, all the main characters have them. Apparently the fal’Cie, the race that has branded our fair heroes, is a bunch of ink happy frat boys. Why didn’t they just give them Ed Hardy t-shirts? Although she does resemble Zack thanks to her power mullet, I’m comparing Fang to a human chick version of Kimahri. It’s all about the muscle.
- I purposely saved Sazh for last, as I don’t have another character to compare him to besides Barret from FFVII. It’s not so much that they’re both black, rather that they’re both Nomura’s sweetly innocent racist idea of black people. It’s as if the NAACP court ordered him to consult actual minorities before designing these characters, and Nomura chose to spend that time watching Undercover Brother and The A-Team instead. Everything from Sazh’s goatee, Wayne Brady smile, and too-cool-for-you chin in hand pose screams token street smarts, while his afro is less Samurai, more Sister Act. For some reason, he carries a tiny Chocobo chick. In one trailer, he points a gun at Vanille and asks if, when she dies, she thinks it’ll all be sugar and rainbows. He sounds like a white guy imitating Samuel L. Jackson. Tragic.
Eidolons:
Summons/GFs/Espers are Eidolons once again, and it looks like the full roster includes just six of them. Each one operates with a specific character and has both a regular and a gestalt mode, whatever the hell that means.
One of the only things I did like about XII were the Espers. Square created a whole story around them, and their unique attack abilities made the best of the fucked up battle system. In XIII, the Eidolons have backtracked. Some are new and some are familiar, but all seem destined to suck. Except maybe Shiva.
- Odin works with Lightning and can transform in gestalt mode into Sleipnir, his six-legged horse. There is nothing different about his design from previous Final Fantasies, although he seems to have a new thing for rose petals. I just thought of Tuxedo Mask and will never be able to unsee it.
- Say it with me: Twin Shivas. Square seems to have kept mostly with the usual design for both sisters, with the addition of giant bike wheels one of the pair wields as a weapon. Using these wheels, the two Shivas become the broads that make up Snow’s motorcycle. They perform this trick by attaching themselves together in a position that looks an awful lot like scissoring. Chicks that turn into a V-Rod? Sign me up.
- Fighting alongside Sahz, Brynhildr is XIII’s answer to Ifrit. She transforms into an armored car that looks like it ate Speed Racer.
- I hope screenshots lie because Bahumut, one of my favorite recurring Summons, now resembles a bastard cross between Transformers and Aliens. Maybe it’s just the fact that he’s partnered with Fang, and she sucks all the coolness out of an image. He does look pretty sweet in dragon form, but again I wonder how this vehicle-based gestalt mode will translate during gameplay.
- Alexander is just a fat Gundam, but with adowable widdle Hope at his side, it works in a Chunk/Sloth from The Goonies kind of way. Alexander’s gestalt form is a wall, just as boring as it sounds, although something about a moving, attacking barrier is slightly terrifying. The longer I look at the Hope/Alexander screenshots, the more they appear to have come from an over the top Digimon game.
- Hecatoncheir is also a mecha, but not so lame looking. If tiny girls on huge machine gun blasting robots are your thing, by all means enjoy Vanille’s sexually suggestive posing.
Videos:
The site has a collection of videos starting off with the international trailer, or as I like to call it, Wank Fest 3000. I liked this game a lot better when no one talked, when it was just pretty images. Bad voice acting and overly emotional cutscenes have confirmed my worst fears: the Final Fantasy XIII will make me cry, and not for the right reasons.
Making cameos in the trailer, in no particular order: Sephiroth, Integra Hellsing, Lord Vayne, and LeDouche from Code Geass. There’s other videos too, including one of Snow and his child bride Serah kiss-facing it in front of what looks like the Blitzball dome at Zanarkand. I was hoping Tidus would pop out and super rainbow kick them. There’s warnings that content might not be suitable for children, I guess if you don’t want them to grow up to be pussies.
The graphics are insane, so go on, get excited about something. And truth be told, I can’t dismiss the gameplay so easily, even when 1UP’s video of Snow fighting Shiva completely underwhelms me. I won’t be able to discredit it until I’ve actually gotten my hands on a controller and played it. But character and storyline are such a huge part of RPGs, especially Final Fantasy, that I wonder if XIII’s even redeemable.
Look’s like I’m about to text Square the dreaded have to talk message. Breaking up is always hard to do, but at least I’ll do so with good reason.
I’ll buy it, play it, and probably hate it. Maybe it’ll finally put me off Fantasy for good, and I’ll be forced make the transition to a genre that hasn’t been depressing me lately. Action, I’ll be calling you.
So, Square, if you see me holding hands with other developers, don’t be too upset about it. It’s not you, it’s me.
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You just rehashed whatever FF13 tidbit you can find out there. You haven’t even reviewed it based on the merits of the information you’ve gotten. As of February 3, 2010, have you played it? Not yet? I DIDN’T THINK SO.
Don’t give an opinion on something you have no absolute knowledge on. But, playing the game WILL entitle you to at least do so.
For now, till you’ve actually played it, just SHUT UP. When you post your review after you’ve played it, you will have my full attention.
So do you always instinctively start crying when somebody criticizes something you like, or are you just really offended because you have Fang’s haircut? I’ll re-hash some of the finer points of the article, because it seems like you struggle with reading comprehension:
“And truth be told, I can’t dismiss the gameplay so easily… I won’t be able to discredit it until I’ve actually gotten my hands on a controller and played it.”
She critiqued the character design and the trailers, both of which are available for anybody to see and form an opinion on. But yeah, I can really see where the wussiness of this game could affect people. It isn’t even out yet and you’re already choking back tears because somebody dared to pass judgement on it.
Way to capslock that shit. Makes you seem way intelligent.
Anyway, Bubby already said what I was going to, so in the spirtit of NOT “rehashing” her “tidbits” I think I’ll just leave this one be.
jmhighdef way of thinking = “Because I have not been fucked up the ass before, I cannot determine that I won’t like being fucked up the ass until I try it”
funny how the ignorant actually DEFEND ignorance. the plague of George W Bush and his “proud to be ignorant” mentality continues… (though whether Obama’s “i have all the answers! honest! trust me!” mentality is much better remains to be seen
PacoDG (and unfortunately many ppl talking about FFXIII as if they know something) way of thinking =
“I have no idea what a peanut is. never seen it before, never tried one. I HAVE NO F-ING IDEA WHETHER ITS GOOD OR BAD. but i already know i hate it! whatever it is…”
THAT (points) is actually far more accurate of people like you.
I’ve played the game, and yes, it sucks. Comparing it to its namesake is what makes it suck, not the game alone. If it were made by sega as “Phantasy Star Offline” it would not only make sense, but I probably would of loved it. To call this game Final Fantasy is blasphemy. Compared to something like Zelda 2, yes, this game is mediocre and somewhat enjoyable. But to compare it to its heritage, even Final Fantasy I was more enjoyable.
Afraid you lost me after completely missing the point of FF12, but you did at least make me chuckle.
That’s what I’m here for.
And, apparently, to piss people off. I realize FFXII is a polarizing game for fans–they seem to love it or to hate it–but I just can’t get into it. You like what you like and you don’t like what you don’t like.
And I’m just gonna make fun of it all.
FF12 had a point?! I mean… Srsly, this guy made a really good point and if you go back and play it, the characters really had hardly any personality at all, other than what we got to witness in those few seconds of cut-scene time. I mean, the final boss hardly even makes an appearence like what, 3-4 times before the games conclusion? I didn’t even know I was playing through the final dungeon until it was like “OMG THIS IS THE FINAL BOSS!? RIGHT NOW!? NOTHING MORE!?”. It was a piece of garbage.
The only redeeming feature was the world of Ivalice. It was quite interesting to say the least if you enjoy that type of thing.
I didn’t read this blog but it will probably suck, eat it fanboys.
Agreed. All FF games suck. Even the SNES ones.
Square needs to stick with Chrono Trigger and suck off Nintendo to make another proper Super Mario RPG.
/unpopular opinion
FFXII is my 3rd favourite game ever. I have no idea how you can hate XII so much but love X, they’re not that different. XII gameplay is much much better, the world is much much much better, while the story in both is forgettable.
I just completed FFXIII yesterday, and it is by FAR the worst game in the series that I have played (5-13 except 11). It’s so bad in so many ways. Cant be bothered listing them all, but just one is that if you’ve seen a trailer you’ve seen every character and location in the entire game. The gameplay is basically XII, but take away the gambits and replace it with “autobattle”. If anyone thinks this is a step forward for gaming please kill yourself.
its because people play the ff series to get sucked into the story, gameplay comes second for most of us and lets face it compare the story from X to XII, XII may of been an ok story line but compared to X it was drier than a box of saltiene crackers. ive seen a stedy output of crappy copy cat games since squaresoft turned to square onex, i wish they would get the old crew back together and start making games worth buying, dry rpg’s are killing the rpg market, soon all we will have are 439999 fps games on the market and those stupid “pet my panda” type games for the NDS. So i hope 13 will be the first of the ff games to be worth buying on the next gen systems. and btw how did you complete 13 already? there are not even any leaked copies of it floating on the internet yet?
You obviously have no taste for decent story structure and character development. Gameplay? Probably. FF12 and FF10 simillar? Go and die in a burning fire or list the plot similarites.
Ellisa just +1 the last good FF we have see from SE was FFX after that everything gone downhill maybe because Squaresoft merge with Enix maybe because Hironobu & Nobuo left maybe for some other reason (lucking of imagination/good ideas..) but that’s not my concern really I am a customer that every time a new FF launch I am going and buy it 1st day and always hope/believe that will be magnificent and that I will sucked in for at least 1 month and play it non stop until I see everything. So when I see games like FF12/13 with real time/auto battles with crap story with crap main char with less and less end game content I am thinking where my old favorite Company the one that created FFVII gone..
Agreed. Preach it.
Hating on FFXIII’s cast of characters is so stupid when you have so much else to hate on. FFXIII’s main character cast is the best main character cast in the entire FF franchise. They’re actually fun and well-defined and not samey one-dimensional paper-cuts like the usual Nojima-written shite.
Shame they’re the only part of the game worthy of real praise, though.
I loved FFXII and I will probably love XIII (just based on the trailer alone), but I also love this fucking article. Thank you, Elissa for inciting an Internet riot. *high five*
No problem. Go big or go home, right?
hahaha, there are so many things i could talk about in here. but I’ll just mention two of them:
so basically, lightning looks just like ashe because she’s a woman and is wearing a skirt that exhibits a color and a white top… and sazh resembles barret because he’s black and uses guns?
i fail to see any resemblance between barret and sazh more than selphie and garnet are similar to each other. if you knew anything about the game, you’d know that sazh is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from the japanese stereotype for black people. his hand isn’t a machinegun, he isn’t disgustingly muscular or a shaved head. sure, they both have KIDS somewhere, but sazh is closer to “the straight man” (that’s a term that refers to a level-headed character, in case you’re unfamiliar) in the story than anyone else.
snow is actually the only character in the game so far that i dislike, because so far he’s typical “I’LL PROTECT _____”, “I’LL DO IT!”, “WE CAN DO IT!”, “I’M THE HERO!”
Still planning on picking this up. If you remotely like FFVII or VIII, I can’t see why you wouldn’t at least be interested in the combat system. Honestly I find the nitpicking hilarious because no ever acknowledges the flaws of FFVII (I enjoyed it but Chrono Trigger was even better I think).
As for this article, fucking hilarious. This dude’s pure comedy and if you’ve already planned on buying it, I don’t get why his opinion bothered you guys
Thanks, man. Glad to see someone with a different opinion who doesn’t immediately call the lynch mob. I’m actually a chick, but I can see where you’d get the wrong idea based on my writing.
I do love VII, but I could do a whole ‘nother article about that one. Imagine that bag of hate mail.
Your opinion is stupid, your stupid, why are you still breathing?
Seriously its gotta be like the 8th fucking wonder of the world you haven’t been shot yet.
….did your mother have anything that lived?
Is that you, Daddy?
Final Fantasy has always been through extreme vicissitudes and it isn’t any different in XIII. They need to garner to a broader fan base, attracting new people.
Apparently, that’s not the desire for a select few. Keep it traditional and let’s have them encompass this particular fan base every time because it’s all about us, us, us and keeping “us” because we contribute to all your sales.
To that editorial, you eat it!
It’s my opinion, and I’ll respect yours.
Square’s decisions and the reasons behind them have nothing to do with me personally, but why does that mean I have to like the outcome?
Your second comment shows signs of intelligence, but your first puts you in with the same group of fans you’re dissing.
“You made fun of my favorite game. Wah wah wah, eat shit and die, wah wah wah.”
The fact that you took time to copy paste and write this pathetic excuse for a editorial really shows your a dedicated troll. *Applause*
LOL This site sux lol. I bet they just want attention thats why they bash on a popular game. Well you eat it guys why true gamers enjoy a great game.
Of course why do think I wasted time replying. I needed to soothe there ego.
Oh, and you just proved you copy pasted the words “garner” and “vicissitudes”. Anybody who can naturally make use of so many syllables would absolutely know the difference between their and there.
But what are you up to now, 4 replies? Keep ‘em coming. This ego needs stroking.
I HAVE ANOTHER ONE!!!
“Crisis Core sucks dick. It is the worst game I’ve ever played, and I’ve owned both Yo! Noid and Ecco the Dolphin. Dirge of Cerberus is useless, Advent Children is painful, and Dissidia entertained me for about five minutes before I went back to my DS and Legend of Zelda.” – Crisis Core sucked dick, what didn’t you like about it? Dirge of Cerberus is useless? Why? Why was Advent Children painful for you? Why did Dissidia entertain you for only 5 minutes? Oh, no explanation what-so-ever? OK then. I know that’s not what the article is about but still, a little basis for her argument would help.
“Maybe I’m unsophisticated, but overly complex battle systems and constant explanations of Dalmascan politics grate my nerves.” – First off, you can practically get the game to battle for you, so I’m not sure how complex it can get. Also, FF stories are known to be deep so excuse it for delving into the smaller details of the world.
“Maybe I’m lazy, but I like the extra time real turn-based combat gives me to stuff my mouth with more Doritos.” – two words: pause button.
“The character design of XIII so closely resembles XII’s that I’m wondering if Nomura just wanted to give Ashe and Vaan a do-over.” – She’s not saying it but almost implying Nomura did character design for XII which he didn’t, I could be wrong however.
“The only horrible thing excusable on Fang is her ugly tribal tattoo as alas, all the main characters have them.” – Either she’s a little confused, or I am
As far as the whole Sazh paragraph goes, it sounds like someone is a bit racists and I don’t think it’s Nomura
I don’t feel like going into any more of it at this point.
… Why are you copying and pasting someone else’s reply from the finalfantasy-xiii forums?
If winning this hissy fit is important enough that you would take other peoples’ words as your own, go ahead, but that’s pretty low.
Oh, if you think this is bad wait until Perry finishes his next feature: “Why Hitler Would Love PlayStation Home”.
/sarcasm
Oh fuck, why is that sarcastic. I love that title
This person starts by stating they don’t like to preview too much information on games they will be buying because it forms early opinions, yet presents their early opinions to everyone else. That’s sort of contradictory isn’t it? Like I don’t like to do it, but here are my thoughts, and I publicly post them so other people can view them. What purpose does that serve?
After reading the article, the author sounds like they have already formed early negative opinions on the game. It comes off as obligatorily obvious, and very bias. It fails at point structures and any real concrete reasoning. I can’t see this making anything other than a negative impact on anyone, not of the game, but the author them self.
if s/he’s intentionally avoiding information for the game, then all of the complaints about vagueness are invalid, regardless of the content…
in fact, most of this article-y thing is invalid by that. the only parts that have any real validity are comments on graphic design.
Bubby and Elissa: Acknowledged. Missed that one. Sorry guys. And thanks. I needed that. Also, no tears to hold back yet. Never said I’m loving the game even before I’ve played it.
@Elissa: gameplay. Looking forward to your critique.
@PacoDG: Clearly you’ve been fucked in the ass already, hence your opinion of it. But you’re right on me not liking it. The Bender. very appropriate.
Notice how he is still buying it though lol…
I pretty much agree with your opinion 100%; though I pretty much feel this way about all rpg’s lately. What mostly bothers me about newer final fantasy’s and rpg’s is that every one is trying to make their battle systems original. To be honest my favorite to this day is some form of turn base or the “tales of”, “star ocean” battle systems. Also new rpg’s are mostly predictable and more so then in the playstation 1 days. Once you get your party you go with them to the end. Final fantasy VII, VIII and IX were so amazing because your party would change depending on the storyline. They would seperate sometimes or become seperated because of something that happened in the story. I probably won’t even pick up this game. Versus looks more promising but I’ll have to wait to make that judgement.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank You, (Applause). Sorry I just really agree with this whole article, Only difference with me is that after digging out all the info on FFXIII I went to Gamestop and un-preordered the fully payed game. In my opinion Final Fantasy (single player wise) has been laid to rest at FFX-2. I can only hope Versus is like Kingdom Hearts so I do actually like it. Long live the old school turn based RPG’s, my message to Square is to just “Keep it simple stupid” and “Stop trying to fix something that’s not broken”.
People need to stop rating FF games as FF games. Rate them as RPGs. Put them up to other RPGs and you will realize they still kick the shit out of a lot of them. And if you still don’t like it, and think I am wrong. Fine, go play your other (probably) shitty game.
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with you and I not liking the same games. If we all liked the same thing, the market would be stale. However that other game you’re playing on March 10th because FFXIII bored you is (probably) shit.
the very last, great Final Fantasy game, was FF 7. ive done a little research on the story, and there is A LOT of depth into that storyline that you can actually learn about by looking up the history to the actual game, or the history to sephiroth. both, FF 6 and 7 are the very best final fantasy games that have ever come out, because of character development, story, progression, mini-games, replay value, treasure hunting (epsers, materia), chocobo breeding, the fact that in ff 7 when Sephiroth finally casts Meteor, and its coming to the earth, i actually thought, and felt i had to start speeding through the game because of the giant meteor falling torwards me, i thought it was in real-time. in ff6, when you have to fight kefka and his little army in the snow, or when youre at the opera, or when they all split apart, and yhou have to play them all seperatly with celeste now as the main character.
gaming today has developed a trend of materialism. once you get one, its fast-paced and over with in a few hours, maybe a day or two, then youre on to the next one, and the next one and the next one. so it leaves you with little satisfaction, but you keep going back to get more because you play games, and you wil lbuy whatever is put out.
i have bought up to final fantasy 12, including 11 just to have it in a collection, i havent played it. 12 is very, very mediocre, and boring. the only thing interesting to me is the talent grid, however, i wish it were more of a job system, with each job system having its own grid, and interlocking with every job you have, once you level them, and having all spells and abilities unlocked and usable in battle per character that has gotten the grid that far. the only thing i do in 12 is level up to take on the monster hunts, and if i happen to encounter some story along the way, then i do, its no big deal to me.
final fantasy 8 seems to be… gay. squall, look at his name SQUALL it is an american indian word for woman (only later turned derogatory by the pilgrims). this isnt the direct spelling of the word however, it is the phonetic spelling of the word, but squaw none-the-less. once i found out that each character came from the SAME ORPHANAGE, the card game couldnt even keep me into playing it any longer, but i continued on to see if there was another twist to it. i dont remember any… that right there, almost blew it for me.
until FF9. this game is actually not that bad, especially with the little Orco character, that resembles the black mages of yore. however, i didnt play this one very much because by this time ff 8 had taken too much out of me for me to get into another storyline and be let down.
in comes ff10, and 10(…2? horrid numbering system). played 10, beat it, nothing too memorable except Auron. 10-2, BLEH charlie’s angels spin off.
as you can see, the more i went on from ff7, the less and less i mentioned story, or a longer explination, simply because the rest of the games didnt leave that much of an impression on me… at all.
espers (6), materia (7), drawing magic (8). gold saucer (7) and tetra card game (8). (like i said, i didnt much get into 9 directly after 8). talent grid (12), job system, (any early final fantasy, or ff tactics), chocobo breeding (7) d-pad special moves (sabin ff 6), train graveyard (7), fighting on the ghost train (6) sephiroth (7), kefka (6).. i could go on including the little features that stand out to me, however, if square enix combines everything thats made their games work, and got them to where they are, (airships, chocobos), put them into one huge game, spanning like 5 discs (NO FILLER MATIERAL, SPECIAL FEATURES, 9 HOUR CG CUT SCENES! WE KNOW YOUARE THE BEST IN CG, STOP PROVING YOURSELF ALREADY), interlockig talent grid system into job mastery, materia system combined with magic drawing, d-pad special moves (one of the best little ideas ever). combine all these with crystal saving from ff 1-4. once you find the crystals you have found the wrong ones (insert 4 stage boss fight here), end disc one. each disc of play time is NO LESS THEN 60 HOURS of play time in normal story, not including side quests mini games etc. you get the idea.
final fantasy is no longer what it was, and it will probably never be what it was. it is what it is. a horrible fashion show of crap music and pop culture, woman’s novel love stories. i do not feel, nor do i look at the new-age design of final fantasy as futuristic, or modern. i feel it is a horrid attempt at showing off japanese pop culture, which, to me, is worse then american pop culture.
it is time for square enix to bow down, and remove the crown, you are no longer king.
Final Fantasy is a remarkable series. A game that will continue to draw a unique fan base on a level above most (maybe all) other RPGS. The fact that so many people even found this blog and replied to it proves its prowess. I have played 7-12 and enjoyed all of them (some more than others, ofcourse) XIII will be no different.
Matt wrote
“final fantasy is no longer what it was, and it will probably never be what it was. it is what it is. a horrible fashion show of crap music and pop culture, woman’s novel love stories. i do not feel, nor do i look at the new-age design of final fantasy as futuristic, or modern. i feel it is a horrid attempt at showing off japanese pop culture, which, to me, is worse then american pop culture.”
Obviously you have never been(lived) in Japn, which thankfully i have had the opportunity. Pop culture leaks into every corner of Japan, its the blood of the country. If square had the technology to make final fantasy 7 look the way 13 does you would be singing a very different story on comparing the two. I garuntee it.
I generally agree with your view of the poor character design. I haven’t played it yet as I have only just gotten it, however the character design is everywhere for anyone to see.
What I detest the most is the complete failure on behalf of Square to understand what a sexy lady should look like. They’re deliberately trying to make female characters that will be the target of obsession and lust*, yet don’t even know that sexy women need curves along more than only one axis. Just because their company is called Square it doesn’t mean their characters need to be square. These female characters are just miserable to look at. Their limbs are often cylindrical or straight as a ruler. Half of the female characters look like young boys with boobs. But of course, the Japanese are always pandering to the paedo-fans.
I also don’t find these characters at all convincing as combat specialists. FF 7 had pretty convincing characters. There were a few absurdities although all within tolerable parameters. This has been getting worse and worse throughout the FF series. This release completely takes the piss. Two of the females look like starved 12 year old school girls who would be at risk of snapping a bone in a pillow fight. One of the male characters is just some damn kid who doesn’t look much meatier than the female characters. In fact he looks like he would make good choir boy to me. Maybe Square are trying to reel in the priestly audience. The 80s throw back is a little more meatier, but not by much. I’m amazed that she can wield such a huge object. She also seems to have three legs and for some reason makes me think of an aged Rinoa.
Another thing, only 7 characters?
I agree FFXII also sucked, but it had allot of potential in the battle system even if it forked from the normal FF style. The Gambit system, meant that you could in theory have all of your characters in the fight at once, yet it was still limited to 3. I find that infuriating because with that limit removed and a few improvements to the system the group battles could have been epic. The story is complete pants. There’s allot to it, even if you like, depth. What it is that there is allot of is boring, relentless tattle. It’s like being knee deep in shit. Given that half the time is spent pissing around in some sewer, you literally are.
The FF series is pretty much dead. I recommend jumping ship. I’ve found that Lost Odyssey (or Highlander the RPG as I like to call it) was pretty close in style to FF7 and FF8, ironically closer than things like FF9 with its midget porn. Give Xenogears a play as well (PSX), it was made around the same time as FF7 and was almost as good, but largely over shadowed by FF7. There’s a string of sequels on the PS2. Fable 2 is also pretty awesome but needs some getting used to. It is very British (BRPG). It’s fantasy style can be compared to things like Labyrinth, Terry Pratchett, etc. Star Ocean is pretty good as long as you can tolerate the awful script and voice acting/characters without killing somebody.
To those who think that Square NEED to garner a wider audience, this is BS. They should have more than enough money to target large niches, which in the long run is better because when it comes down to it most people fit into a niche and will buy niche. When a market becomes well developed most major niches will be filled and a generic game will lose out in any niche against specialised products which will put them into a minor niche themselves either way. Secondly, FF7 was great and still generated huge sales. If Square has money problems, that’s their fault for over pandering to fans with rubbish over budgeted films and other nonsense along with hyper-feminised generic junk. I couldn’t even play more than 30 minutes of FFX-2. It made me physically sick. The only exciting point in that game was when I got a boner when some character decided to change outfit mid-battle** (WTF seriously). Not to mention over investing in merchandise and pop singers assuming it’s going to become [artificially] successful because of name sake only and mindlessly attempting to copy previous paradigms. People will stop falling for it eventually, it’s a risky investment move. With the losses from Spirits Within they could have made another FF game. On the other hand, if they want a biggest audience, why have they put content in it that gives it a rating of 16 when FF7 has one of 12? Oh wait, nobody actually looks at those anyway haha.
*It’s bad enough that they do this, but worse that they do it so badly.
** When I first saw a battle from this game I thought it was a nightclub dance simulator (perhaps a DDR sequal), boy was I surprised to find it was actually final fantasy.
Battle system sucks
m losing because you can controle the other characters.
And the pc heal like crap yes crap.
Whay do I have the feelin that the higher de final fnatsy the lesser you controle in ff13 you controle allmost nothing and THATS whats make some bosses difficult to beat because other characters plays liek crap.
I just can belive it some times al i think is sellign the game and its over.
Battle system sucks
I’m losing because you can not controle the other characters.
And the pc heals like crap yes crap.
Why am i having the feeling that the higher de final fantasy the lesser you controle. In ff13 you controle nothing and THATS whats make some bosses difficult to beat because the other characters are playing like crap.
I just can belive it some times al i think is sellign the game and its over.
Why is Square enix Ignoring the fans they realy dont listen they just make things worse. -_-
The outcome of this game sucks. It felt like the beginning of 7 and diarrhea
I’m 17 hours into the game and I’ve lost all patience. The combat system is extremely repetitive. Auto-combat and then just switching between modes.
The lack of customization and money for shops is boring. Its fine if you can upgrade your weapons so early; but hardly enough materials to do anything.
Why do weapons gain experience?? wtf doesn’t make sense.
Also the skill tree sucks, its missing depth
The story is underdeveloped, the lack of details of Lacie, Falcie etc doesn’t make me want to listen to the characters personal development. Both Vanille and Snow deserve a Chuck Norris kick to the head, when it comes to their persona.
The enemies are somewhat repetitive and since they give so little of anything I usually just run by them now. Some fights take so long especially with the Snow and Hope….bluh
Graphics are amazing though.
3, 7,9,10 are my favorites.
This game just doesn’t feel balanced to me.
Some of your points made sense, but others were either far too biased or just senseless; like how you started off Fang’s description. I am about 70% through the game now, and have also imported it, and have reason to believe based on the other games that it is a very good quality game all around. I am enjoying it more than I did 12 and maybe even 10. Does it have to be the next big thing that makes us all go nuts for Square? No. But if you can’t admit that it is a good game, then you either must be crazy, haven’t played it enough, or just have some grudge against new material based on your grasps to what was good 10 years ago.
I do however respect the time you committed to provide us with your review, you compiled alot of data, and it was a good read. Although now that the game is out I suggest you give it a shot, anyone who says the entire thing is linear is pretty much a liar, given that every FF game follows the same pattern; then opens up at the end.
Ok WTF, so I have the game, and I can’t stand more than two hours of it. It really does suck. I confess, I knew it would suck but I never knew it would be anything as bad as this.
The script is just awful. Truly so. To understand how awful it is, watch 101 Dalmations 3 or something. Far too much boisterous nonsense happens to quickly. It’s too artificial. If someone told me the queen was was actually doing the washing up for once in her life, I’d be more convinced. Also, what the hell is with “Mum’s are tough”? How batty can you get? At least a man could play FF7 and FF8 while only mildly having his masculinity assaulted. Have they seen average western mom’s today? Do they people the make this crap up even have mothers? If mom’s were tough, they would be able to follow a career and raise their children at the same time. Most in the western world can’t. They rely on games consoles and TV to raise their kids. If mums were tough, most soldiers would be mums, not men. Who the hell are they trying to appeal to with this BS? What is this? Mother’s Day the game? Perhaps I should have gotten this game for my mother for mother’s day. I was so embarrassed by the faggotry I had to switch to head phones lest anyone heard, suspected my sexuality and followed up with a good attempted butt raping. It’s not that I have anything against gays. However I’m not gay myself, and I don’t like giving people the wrong impression. I felt being overheard playing this game could definitely give that impression. I’m proud of my manliness. It’s what I am, it’s part of me and my personality.
Being a man, what really makes it unplayable for me is the battle system. Believe it or not, I actually liked developing my characters and having endless configurations and having to think about each battle. This new system is awful. There’s no thought required at all, my grandmother can play it; she’s dead.
I also don’t feel like I’m accumulating anything from the battles but useless junk. The score system means nothing to me other than how fast I could hammer A.
I got Fallout 3 at the same time, it’s much better. FFXIII will probably spend the rest of eternity sat on some pile collecting dust. I think I’ll also give Kings Quest: Mask of Eternity a try along with Ecstatica I & II. They knew how to make games in those days.
If it takes 10 hours to get into, fuck that, I’d rather play Dwarf Fortress. Don’t waste your money on this stupid game, it’s for perpetual noobs and bored house wives.