WTFriday is our weekly recap and recount of all of the strange, surreal and downright stupid from the week that was in the video game industry. In other words, it’s “t3h w31rd” with a new day and name and yes, it’s finally here.
Even though JW announced it three weeks ago.
This week’s feature image is from Tomb Raider Fanboy, showing a comparison shot between the original Lara Croft model and the new, more realistic and far more attractive model done by Tomb Raider superfan and hella-talented artist “Nicobass. Considering I (JW) am a giant Tomb Raider fan, seeing this makes me happy.
Beat It: Mega Man Style
I’m not sure if you heard this, but this singer named Michael Jackson died last week. It would be understandable if you missed out on this news since I don’t think it got all that much media coverage.
While there have been hundreds of tribute videos to Jackson posted on around the internets over the past week, few of them have actually been “good”. The video to the right is one of those few, if for no other reason than the fact that the damn thing works eerily well and probably would’ve gone a long way towards making the actual Mega Man 8 not suck as hard.
And hell, if nothing else this guy is taking MJ’s death a lot easier than this guy.
A Sale to Die For. Sorta.
Hey, not every title can be a winner, right? Anyways, anybody who has gone shopping on Black Friday knows that it really can be a dog-eat-dog world out there. When I worked retail I would jokingly bring in a shield and mace to work — for self-preservation purposes, of course. Well, ad agency DDB London, sponsoring department store chain Harvey Nichols, has taken a few of these cues and has come up with an interesting way to hype their latest sale: through Mortal Kombat-styled combat.
This is the fighting game that upper-scale rich snobs always dreamed of: beautiful people wearing the top names in designer fashion pummeling the living shit out of each other in an upscale department store. The Inspiration Room has more of these images in “high resolution” (they’re larger, but not HR).
See that image? It’s a rough representation of my hatred for Nickelback, and yet somehow the intense heat of Earth’s yellow (orange?) sun fails to properly convey the true heat and intensity of my hatred for this band and the closest you’ll ever be able to get is to be that poor bastard whose shadow was seered into the concrete when the Hiroshima bomb detonated right above his head.
Although I will admit to liking that song from the Spider-Man soundtrack.
Regardless, if you happen to be a fan of the group and have yet to commit seppuku as punishment for dishonoring your family, you may be pleased to know that if you download the “special edition” Internet Explorer 8, you’ll also receive, free of charge, your very own Nickelback single! Oh, what single could it be? The one about sex? The one about slutty chicks? The one about slutty chicks having sex?
“Photograph“?
Who knows and who cares. They’re the George Clooney of music: no matter what they do, it all sounds exactly the same. And besides — isn’t downloading Internet Explorer enough of a punishment for these poor bastards?
…words. I lack thems.
It takes a whole hell of a lot to render me speechless. In fact, in my 21 brief years on this planet, you can count the number of times I’ve been speechless on one hand. You can count the following video as one of these moments and it is for that very reason that the below video and the game being demonstrated, for better or worse, is being awarded with the first ever Binge Gamer Columbo Seal of Approval.
Dark Room Sex Game is, according to it’s developers, a “no-graphics erotic rhythm game for Wiimote or keyboard”. The “game” itself is very simple: bring your machine to orgasm through carefully timed manipulations of the Wiimote/keyboard to coincide with the moans and groans from the software.
In other words: You’re fucking your Wii.
Now, the game has three game modes: a single-player solo campaign, a two-player co-op mode and a four-player battle royale… yeah, you read that right — four players manipulating a computer program to bring a virtual woman to orgasm. Throw in a couple of 20-sided dice and a half-eaten box of Oreos and you have roughly 90% of all D&D groups in the continental United States.
I have no idea what to make of the game in and of itself, but what I would give to be a fly on the wall the day some guy comes home to discover that his roommate shattered their glass coffee table because he was fucking his Wii.
This Week in Crime!
Project Natal for $3,000?!
I don’t have a problem with internet scams in and of themselves. I figure that if somebody gets caught in one (like I did with “FREE“CreditReport.com), it’s their own damn fault. But you know something? Even I have to look down on scams where it’s obvious that the person responsible isn’t even trying.
Such is the case with eBay user… um… something… something 2004. The source image is too small to make the name out properly. Either way, this person put up an auction for Project Natal where the starting bid was $400, and the “Buy Now” price was $3,000!
Now it’s interesting to note that Project Natal currently doesn’t have a release date. Of course dipshit Soccer Moms who were introduced to video games via the Wii won’t know this, and if eBay hadn’t taken this auction down I’m certain that we would’ve seen at least one bid.
1,300 Xbox 360s Get Copperfielded
Oh, Canada. What can I say about you that hasn’t already been properly expressed in the universal medium of song?
…I know of at least one “Francophonic Bacon-Loving Bastard” (bitch?) whose going to kick my ass for referncing that video but I think you’ll all agree with me when I say that it was so worth it. Anyways, a truck carring more than 1,300 Xbox 360s was stolen in the Toronto suburb of Mississauga. According to police, four or five suspects dressed in dark cloths attacked a security guard, hogtied him, and took off with the truck with $780,000 worth of Xbox 360 consoles on board.
Because, you know, nobody is going to notice that Dudley Do-Right over there has an eighteen-wheeler full of video game systems in his back yard… right?
The Family That Steals Together…
This week’s Bitch Slap (we’re keeping the BSoJ for the image alone) goes to the Law family who, in a blatant attempt to confound the cosmos, broke a few laws of their own. According to reports, three of the Law boys stole a Nintendo Wii from one of their neighbors. Not content with keeping the Wii and playing such smash hits as Escape from Bug Island and Jenga World Tour, the Laws decided to pawn the system.
So, recruiting their mother into their feindish plot, the boys pawned the Wii off.
Now the three boys (only one of which is related to Law) have already been arrested on felony theft charges. Police are currently reviewing the case and trying to see of Ms. Law can be charged with dealing stolen property and/or contributing to the deliquency of a minor.
I know that Dr. Phil and all those people say that parents need to become more involved in their children’s lives, but I think they’re saying that in an attempt to avoid this kind of behavior, not abet it.
Now while these FOUR individuals should be flogged with canes for hours, the victim doesn’t get off the hook either. Jenein Frazier did nothing wrong, per say, but she deserves a complimentary smack for knowing nothing of how the criminal world operates. Quoting Frazier:
You don’t go selling something stolen. It’s crazy.
Ma’am… being a former police officer in the United States Army as well as knowing a LOT of druggies (they’re Flint’s #2 export, behind unemployment), I can assure you — that’s exactly what you do with stolen property. The sooner you get the hot items off your hands, the sooner you’re in the clear.
Have a great WTFriday and have a happy and safe Fourth of July weekend… unless you live in England, in which case I can only say: Suck it down! U! S! A! U! S! A!
Kidding, kidding. There are no hard feelings over in the UK, right? …right?!
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