The Binge Gamer Villain Hall of Fame is dedicated to honoring the baddest mother fuckers in the gaming universe. We take a look at each villain’s history and accomplishments, ultimately deciding whether they’re worthy of such a prestigious award or whether they’re nothing more than an epic failure.

Name – Boo

Other aliases – Boo Diddly, Big Boo, Bigger Boo, and King Boo among many, many others.

Trademark features - Beady, black eyes on a white, bulbous frame. Stubby arms just long enough to cover his face when sighted. Has fangs and blushes occasionally. Can also turn invisible. Neat!

Notable for - Beating the fucking shit out of Mario. Also, agoraphobia.

First appearance – Super Mario Bros. 3 (1988)

Boo is one badass mother fucker. He’s way cooler than the Pac-Man ghosts, Blinky, Pinky, Inky, and Clyde.

Hell, if he wanted, I bet Boo could eat the Pac-Man ghosts for breakfast, further supporting my theory that every Boo is merely the spectral reincarnation of all the Pac-Men killed in the 1980s (rest their souls).

Even Carey Grant can’t escape his wrath. Poor guy.

In any case, Boo is an agoraphobic in every sense of the word. He doesn’t leave the realm of his home (which is in a perpetual state of disrepair) and will do everything he can to avoid being spotted by the living—even if it means cowardly covering his eyes.

Or devouring the foolish gawker with his fucking mouth. Seriously, just look at it. To think he doesn’t hover up to bitches and eat them whole is just silly.

But why would he do such a thing? Because Boo keeps it real, holmes.

Not to mention the fucker’s invincible. Honestly, I can only think of one weakness aside from his chronic agoraphobia: Kryptonite.

Boo’s logic behind storing gaggles of the shit in his bedroom eludes me, but who am I to judge? I’m not even a ghost. The living just don’t understand.

Still, did you notice the throngs of Boo (plural) dancing near the ceiling like smoke during a chemical fire? That’s hard evidence that Boo (still plural), despite a terrific fear of social situations, like to stick together like molecules of oil pouring from a wrecked tanker over an endangered coral reef. It’s beautiful, it is. Almost as beautiful as shiny scales of the countless schools of fish killed by the spill.

Maybe I should have taken that simile in a different direction. Oh, well.

Ultimately, Boo’s just a dick. A real grade-A asshole. He floats through walls and makes a point of setting up shy camp in the most inconvenient of places, basically saying:

“Good luck getting to that ledge now, asshole.”

Of course, you could always play “Boo Tug-o-War” where you waggle back and forth to lure the bastard out of your way so you can carry on with your adventure.

But what Boo really deserves recognition for is the fact that he’s fucking everywhere. In almost every Mario game since SMB 3, he’s popped in to harass the hell out of the mustachioed plumber. Even games like Mario Party, Yoshi’s Island, and even Mario Tennis cameo the snowy specter haunting the heroes at least once during the course of the game.

What earns Boo entry into the Binge Gamer Villain Hall of Fame is the fact that he’s still scary as fuck—even despite the fact that he’ll never win a staring contest. You couldn’t coax him to a party if your own life depended on it (which it surely would, as he’d likely eat you).

Wait a minute. I’ve seen this somewhere before…

Pallid, pasty flesh. Sharp teeth in a gaping mouth with the tongue constantly extended. Beady eyes, warped and shriveled due to hours upon hours of staring at bright, high-definition screens and NeoGAF forums. An intense fear of physical interaction with others, yet an undeniable drive to make their lives a living hell.

This matches the very description of a hardcore gamer down to the punctuation at the end of each bloody sentence. Could it be that Boo is a gamer, or even more so, that every gamer is a Boo?

Somehow, it all makes sense now.

So really, Boo makes it into the Hall of Fame is because he’s one of us: a pretentious asshole. Boo fits in just snugly with the rest of the anti-social/elitist gaming community, so it’d be a crime to keep him from joining of our nifty little club. He’s just like me or you, and that’s just awesome because I love things that remind me of myself.

Keep on being like me Boo. That’s why I like Boo.*

*I apologize for the awful pun. Forgive me? No? Alrighty then.

Popularity: unranked [?]