Take a moment and, using that thing called your imagination (you have one, I promise), picture the greatest weapons to ever cross your path in a video game. What comes to mind?

• The Lancer from Gears of War maybe?
• Of course the red turtle shell from Mario Kart
• The BFG and the chain saw from Doom
• Those robot suit things in Lost Planet are pretty sweet
• Ooo! And the Tesla Claw from Ratchet & Clank = awesomeness
• Not to mention just about every item in every Zelda game—the hookshot, the boomerang, exploding arrows (Link’s Awakening)—is badass

Hell, the Katamari in the Katamari Damacy series could even be considered a weapon if you really want to call it that. It’s a stretch, but I’ll allow it.

There are a lot of great weapons in video game land.  But even with all the guns, swords, and laser cannons available, little can top the satisfaction of giving someone a beat down with your bare hands. Honestly, I dare you to try and think of a better feeling (other than sex) than rushing your enemies—knuckles clenched and ready for action—and giving them that right hook to the jaw, sending a spray of teeth, spit, and blood in the opposite direction.

One word describes it perfectly:

AWESOME

Here are some of the greatest games where your fists are your best friend and your enemies’—uhh—worst enemy.

10.) Comix Zone

Comix Zone is one of the greatest ideas for a game released at one of the worst possible times.  Hitting stores just as the Genesis was hitting the curb, Comix Zone offers innovative gameplay, fantastic graphics, and—Roadkill, the rat.

Although the game is only about six pages in length, it’s still loads of fun to tear through each comic panel, figuring out the best way to mess up the mutants in your path.  It’s a really interactive game at that—you can even tear at the paper in the comic to attack your enemies (at the expense of your own health).  Pressing down a lot makes you fart, though I’m not really sure what purpose this serves…

Short but tough, it’s a damn good time, especially when you pummel your enemies so hard they smash right through one panel into the next.

9.) Double Dragon

As one of the most popular beat’em ups of all time, Double Dragon has more than earned its place on this list. It even had its own TV show (I’ll let the intro speak for itself). The characters Billy and Jimmy Lee go on to make an appearance in games like River City Ransom, acting as a sub-boss duo in the school before you fight Slick (under aliases, of course).

The best part about the game is the twist ending.  After beating the final boss, you face off against your own brother in a fight to a death (*not necessarily to the death) to see who gets the girl. Double Dragon also offers tons of baddies to pound your way through as well of some particularly ugly ones, such this guy here:

Ew.

Even still, Double Dragon is one hell of a game.

8.) Shatterhand

Games like this are the reason I got all teary eyed when discovering that Jaleco had been sold for a single yen (roughly a penny). Shatterhand takes all the greatness of the NES and channels it through some excellent gameplay where the only objective is to make it from point A to point B while smashing everything int your path—using nothing but your HANDS.

Okay, so you do occasionally get the help of some sweet robot things, but the real fun is in the fist.  As if things couldn’t get any better, the game has a sweet 80’s action movie storyline too.  I think the Wikipedia description explains it best—and more dramatically than I ever could.

Please note the cover art, which consists of the typical, tacky NES art stylings and how the main character—screaming—is punching out the ‘H’ in “HAND.” It’s so bad it’s good.

7.) Battletoads

Notorious as being one hell of a tough game, that doesn’t stop Battletoads from being a great brawler. Interesting levels, varied gameplay, and a knockout punch that makes your fist waaaaay larger than normal for the K.O., Battletoads is fun enough that gamers can forgive it for countless hours of cursing and frustration. Plus the original looks pretty damn spiffy for a NES game.

Made back in the day when Rare was a highly respected developer, Battletoads’ storyline is pretty ridiculous.  The princess (of what?) and your buddy Pimple (ew) have been captured by the Dark Queen, and as Battletoads it’s your job to kick ass and get them back. It’s typical, TMNT rip-off glory (with amphibian badasses rather than reptile ninjas), but it’s done so damn well.

Props to this guy for kicking the wind tunnel’s ass.

6.) Mortal Kombat

It goes without saying that the Mortal Kombat series has some of the most violent gameplay in history.  Heck, it’s one of the reasons the ESRB was established.

From tearing your opponent’s heart from his chest to tearing his head off (bloodied spinal column in-tact), Mortal Kombat is king when it comes to brutality. Not to mention the series has a legendary uppercut.  Holding down and pressing punch sends your opponent soaring through the air with a ground shaking crash each time it connects.

Of course, let’s not forget the Fatalities.  Sometimes, all it takes is one punch to send your rival plummeting into a pit of spikes or a pool of flesh-eating acid.

Still, Johnny Cage’s MKII Fatality dominates.

5.) Devil May Cry

In a game based around acrobatic sword and gun action, where do fists fit in?

Simple: the Ifrit gauntlets

When a sword and dual pistols just don’t cut it, slip on the Ifrit gauntlets and burn through enemies like the fires of hell from whence they came.

The Ifrit gauntlets give Dante the chance to go all kung fu on the baddies asses like a demonic Bruce Lee.  And he can throw fireballs.  It doesn’t get much cooler than that.

4.) River City Ransom

A cult classic if there’s ever been one, RCR is an all-out brawl fest with some RPG elements thrown in the mix. If you haven’t played RCR, go grab yourself a copy—NOW!

The game practically acts as a parody of everything it does so well. Your girlfriend has been kidnapped by Slick, the village asshole, and it’s your job to beat the hell out of him and get her back.

The problem: just about every gang in the neighborhood works for Slick and wants to rub your face in the pavement.

Fast action, great sounds effects, and more fun with a friend (despite the god awful glitching on the original NES version), this game rocks. And it’s hilarious, with enemies talking smack left in right—until you beat them so hard they vomit (exclaiming “BARF!”). Then you take their milk money and run to nearest restaurant to get some snacks and do it all over again.

Definitely check out the GBA remake. It’s damn good with a handful of improvements and expansions to the original. There was supposedly a sequel in the works, but that got pushed aside for said remake. It’s a shame we won’t be seeing RCR2 anytime soon. Oh, well.

Here’s something for fans of the series:

3.) Mike Tyson’s Punch Out

I will forever stand by Mike Tyson’s Punch Out as one of the of the best boxing games to date. Punch Out is a timeless classic that gives gamers the satisfaction of smashing Glass Joe’s jaw, pounding King Hippo’s pudgy gut, and—getting their asses handed to them by ear-biter himself, Mike Tyson.

While I’ve never taken the time to make it to the champ myself, I’ll always remember the satisfying feeling of catching an opponent in a string of left and right hooks, only to top it off with that special punch you can use when you hit start (provided you have at least one star in reserve). Knocking out your opponent, causing him to spiral to the other side of the ring only adds to the sweet taste of victory.

I just can’t wait to get my hands on the upcoming Wii version.

2.) God Hand

Completely wild and over-the-top (perhaps an understatement), Clover’s final entry into the world of video games (sob :’( ) at least gave the studio a chance to go out with a bang. Literally.

How can a game this explosive and dynamic game not be fun?  It’s a callback to all that’s good about the old school beat’em up, and the hits look like they hurt.  God Hand doesn’t take itself too seriously, but what Clover game does?  How about I just let the video do the talking?

1.) Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

Oblivion is filled to the brim with enchanted swords, badass bows, and some pretty bitchin’ clubs and maces. Not to mention there are countless spells to learn and use to blast your enemies to—er—oblivion.

So why is it so much more satisfying to run up to a bear and just punch him in the face?

When you hit someone in Oblivion, it hurts. Hell, sometimes you’ll even knock your enemies unconscious only to catch them with a right as they stumble back up off the ground. It’s great to make a character based solely around hand-to-hand combat, running from city to city and causing a ruckus.  Truly one of the best games ever, there’s no denying the thrill of a good brawl in Oblivion.

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