The last time we saw “t3h w31rd”, something very terrible had happened. t3h w31rd had been stricken with a terrible illness, and instead of giving us all the crazy, off-the-wall news that it had become known for, t3h w31rd became… normal.

Well, no more! t3h w31rd is back at it’s regular time of Sunday afternoon. “But JW, wasn’t t3h w31rd originally Sunday at midnight?” you may be asking. To you, all I can say is to shove off. It’s Sunday afternoons now. Good? Good.

The feature image for this week’s “t3h w31rd” is of model Marie-Claude Bourbonnais as “Frost”, aka “Chick Sub-Zero” from the Mortal Kombat franchise. You can check out her full gallery HERE, and you can see her as Caitlin Fairchild from the insanely underrated Gen 13 comic HERE. Of course, if this is too much for you, you can check out this far more family friendly gallery of chicks dressed as Pikachu.

Creep.

And now — t3h w31rd!

“Gaming on the Go” Taken to a Whole New Level

The people at Microsoft and the folks at Suzuki got together in a bar one evening to discuss things of worldly importance, such as where Aaron Greenberg buys his trousers and why the local radio station won’t play anything besides Lady GaGa. Sometime during this discussion, somebody sitting on the Microsoft side of the booth said “You know what we should do?” The Suzuki people were immediately captivated, leaning across the table as Major Nelson continued with his thought. “We should get together and make an Xbox 360-themes car!”

The Suzuki men leaned back, gave each other questioned looks and then burst out into hearty laughter. Taking a sip of his Diet Dr. Pepper, Nelson added: “We’ll give ya fifty bucks”.

And thus, the Xbox 360-themed Suzuki was born! Oh, sure — the above story was utter garbage, but the car still looks awesome.

You can expect to see this again when we give out the awards.

If King Kong Played Video Games, What System Would He Own?
The answer to that question, obviously, is the Nintendo DSi. Why do I say that? Because it now comes in “freaking huge” size.

In actuality, the above Nintendo DSi is a 250lb sculpture by Sean Kenney that was constructed using 51,324 LEGO pieces. You can check out how it was constructed in the video below.

Not to hype my own website but I’m going to hype my own website and tell you guys that our very own Perry Piekarski has written up an excellent piece on whether or not you should buy a Nintendo DSi. Give it a read, and get yourself learned.

THIS WEEK IN CRIME!

Man Kills Partner Because She Played Grand Theft Auto
62-year-old Malcolm Palmer, a father of three children, stabbed and killed his girlfriend, 46-year-old Carol Cannom, because she was hooked on Grand Theft Auto.

The couple had been together for 30 years and apparently were already on the rocks prior to the stabbing. However, none of that will ever matter because Grand Theft Auto, the evil pariah that is certain to doom us all to fire and brimstone and whatnot, is involved. Except… the killer… wasn’t the one playing the game?

That sound you heard was Jack Thompson’s head caving in on itself.

Would You Punch an Old Lady if She Told You Not to Game?
If you’re Jun Ando, a computer programmer in Japan, the answer is a resounding *THUD*. According to Toda City Police, Ando became angry with the elderly woman on a train bound for Shinkiba after the woman asked him to stop playing games on his cell phone. After peppering her with “colorful metaphors” and telling her to shut up, Ando clocked her in the face.

Several times.

A group of passengers were able to restrain the man until the train stopped, where they then escorted the man off the train. Ando and the woman were both taken to the local police station and were put into the same holding cell.

Where Ando proceeded to punch her in the jaw. Again.

The moral of this story: Old women can take a hell of a face pounding. You may take that previous sentence how you will.

And Now The Awards…

This week’s Lager of Excellence is awarded to YouTube user “hyphrend”. What for, you may ask? Simple — this guy is the creator of the “Dream Tablet”, which is a working SEGA Dreamcast built into a Tablet PC.

The unit runs on a 14.8v Lithium-Ion Battery which provides the unit with 3 1/2 hours of life. Even better is that it can be hooked up to a television set, meaning that you can play your Dreamcast on the plane AND in the hotel.

He’s posted detailed images on his blog — in case you’re wanting to get an even better look at this thing.

For the glorious ingenuity and knowledge to put this together, “hyphrend” is most deserving of our highest honor.

So, who gets a big ol’ smack across the mouth? Well, I told you that I wasn’t done with the Xbox 360 Suzuki.

This week’s Bitch Slap is awarded to the people over at GossipGamers.com for posting an obscure news item three years late. Now, this could have easily been a bad April Fools gag since this was published on April 1st. If that’s the case, they deserve to get the pimp hand for not even trying to be clever.

Either way, let this be a lesson to everyone: Just because it’s news to you doesn’t mean it’s news.

There you go, people — the first new “w31rd” since October, but surely not the last. As said before, every Sunday Afternoon you can come back here to catch up on all the craziness from the past week. Sure, it may not always be news, but damned if it ain’t entertaining.

See y’all next week!

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