I know it probably violates some kind of journalistic ethics or whatever, but I really wanted to like Fairytale Fights. After seeing the game at E3 and seeing how Playlogic reinterpreted some of the all-time classic fairytale stories from long ago, I was an active cheerleader for the game. Well, the final product is now on the market and suffice to say… I’m a little hurt by the results.

The story, in a nutshell, is that a new hero has come to your kingdom, stealing all of the renoun for himself and leaving Little Red Riding Hood, Snow White, Jack (of Beanstalk fame) and the Naked Emperor as little more than fading memories. Taking control of one of the aforementioned, you set out to reclaim your prestige, personal honor and ensure that when the big book of fairytales is written, you have shot, stabbed, sliced, diced and bludgeoned your way into the annals of history.

Fairytale Fights is a brawler/platformer that, sadly, doesn’t do either of those things particularly well. The combat boils down to flicking the right joystick around and hope you hit who you’re aiming at. Once they’re dead, you move on to the next guy. Rinse and repeat as necessary.

This task is aided by the dozens upon dozens of different weapons that are available in the game, which range from carrot sticks and bird nests to anchors and pickaxes. While the variety is nice, many of these weapons are quite useless (rulers, for instance) and you’ll find yourself going back to basic instruments of death, like hammers and axes, for the majority of the game. There are also a select number of ranged weapons which are a colossal waste of time to try and use.

While the combat is mostly boring (and quite frustrating), there are flashes of entertainment to be had. This is when you build up enough of a combo to fill up your special attack meter. This locks in on a single enemy and you dispatch them by slicing them into itty bitty pieces, using the right joystick to guide your weapon.

While the fighting has flashes of fun and can be quite fun for ten-minute spurts, the platforming is just plain bad. The level design is not unimpressive or are the controls particularly bad. The platforming is done in by two things: Bad camera and a complete lack of depth perception. In the year 2009 there is no excuse to have in-world objects obscure the camera’s view of the player. This is a frequent problem in Fairytale Fights and will lead to many an unnecessary death. But you know what else leads to many unnecessary deaths?

Having to make a jump.

Any jump.

Fairytale Fights has some of the worst depth perception I have ever encountered. You line yourself up for a jump and wind up falling to your death over and over again because you wind up either in front of or behind the damn platform. There is one sequence in particular in the first “story” where you have to jump between two two-layered buzzsaws. A slightly difficult jump in most games, but not impossible. But because the camera is tilted to where you can’t see half the saw and the complete lack of depth perception, what is originally an easy jump turns into ten minutes of trying to hurry yourself across.

It’s a real pain in the ass.

Then you have the boss battles, which are repetitive, boring, LONG AS HELL and repetitive. Each boss has three or four attacks that they repeat over and over again, which are easily avoidable so there is no real challenge. If this wasn’t bad enough, these battles can go on for as long as ten minutes, effectively turning what was a bland boss battle into a trial by boring-ass-fire.

Seriously, they’re freakin’ boring. And repetitive.

In addition to the story mode, you also have an arena mode, where you can battle against friends both online and off. It’s not bad, but if it weren’t there you would notice absolutely zero difference in the game. It’s just kind of there.

Unlike some other reviewers, I actually very much liked the presentation in Fairytale Fights. The environments are vibrant and colorful and everything has a cutesy, almost-childlike look to it. In contrast, the dismemberment is well done and the volumetric liquid that the Playlogic guys gushed… and gushed… and gushed over at E3 is just as fun as advertised when you find yourself doing Figure 8s in pools of your enemies blood.

With that said, let’s remember one thing. This:

Is running on the same game engine that runs this:

Maybe it’s just me, but using the Unreal Engine to power this game is like putting a jet engine on a Madza.

There is no spoken dialogue and the story is told through the magical mirror (who is constantly jotting down notes). The cutscenes play out in the similar, quasi-cute style that has been perfected in the LEGO [Insert Franchise Here] games. They’re cute to watch.

TL;DR

Fairytale Fights is one of those quirky little games that, deep down, you really want to like. But uninspired combat and a camera system that is actively trying to kill you holds the game back from being fun for any extended period of time. If you really like hack-and-slash titles, however, it’s at least worth a rental.

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