At long last, EA CEO John Riccitiello, known here at BG as “The Sith Lord”, finally has a ballad. You can download the song by clicking the link below, and follow along with the lyrics after the break.

(Riccitiello)
Over the last six fiscal quarters
I tried to do my best as EA’s CEO

I told my team we’ve got to go
for more original IP
This many yearly sequels
are not for me

And the press, the online forums
did rejoice at our new games
We attracted fewer flames

We’ve had…
Crysis, Dead Space, Mirror’s Edge
Rock Band, that’s a fun one
Spore, and Valve’s whole catalogue
don’t mention Hellgate: London

We signed up id, and Epic Games
Even Grasshopper’s involved!
With all these great game studios
someday our past sins will be absolved

But wait, what’s this I see?
Is that the latest NPD?
What’s happened to our stock?
It’s falling like a rock!

(Kotick)
Ha ha ha!

(Riccitiello)
Hello? Who’s there?
…Bobby Kotick?

(Kotick)
Yes, it is I, the CEO of Blizzard Activision
I pump out yearly series with superhuman precision
Don’t you see the error of your ways?
You thought new IP was what the gamers want to play

No, no, that’s wrong!
They just want more
of the same four brands to be explored
That is the way, you see,
to profitability

(Riccitiello)
That doesn’t seem right
I thought with our standing we could be a light
for creativity and innovation
while staying practical with Madden sequilization
bringing yearly cash

It seemed so good!
Developers, investors, the media, and gamers:
a business model we all can get behind

But after all this money spent, and time
Look at us now

(Kotick)
Ha ha ha!
Oh, come now

John, you know quite well
how profit can be turned

(Riccitiello)
I do?

(Kotick)
Look into your past
at methods you have spurned

(Riccitiello)
You don’t mean–

(Kotick)
You’ve been to close
You’ve got attached
To the game you are to kind

(Riccitiello)
I don’t mind!

(Kotick)
To really get your money’s worth
to take the longer view
There’s one thing that always works
and that’s to add a “2″

(Riccitiello)
A “2″?

(Kotick)
2, 3, 4…

(Riccitiello)
Hey, wait a minute! You’re right!
I’ve had it all wrong!
These new games aren’t one-offs
They’re…they’re…

(Kotick)
Say it!

(Riccitiello)
Franchises!

(Kotick)
Go on…

(Riccitiello)
Yeah, franchises!
I can see it now!

There’s Dead Space 2, and Rock Band 3
and Crysis PSP
Hellgate: London Card Quest
How ’bout Dead Space 3?

(Kotick)
Dead Space 3?

(Riccitiello)
I’ve outsourced 2 to Singapore!

(Kotick)
That’s the spirit!

(Riccitiello)
I’m gettin’ it!
Mirror’s Edge we’ll do a little bit differently
We’ll marry strong business with strong IP

(Kotick)
What does that even mean, John?

(Riccitiello)
I don’t know, but it sounds fantastic!

(Kotick)
Glad to have you back, my friend!

(Riccitiello)
Yeah!
Hey, what’s this? “Brutal Legend”?

(Kotick)
But–but I cancelled–

(Riccitiello)
This looks great!

(Kotick)
No! You can’t do that!

(Riccitiello)
See ya, Bobby!

(The Wizard)
And so, John Riccitiello charted a fiscal course for Electronic Arts, free of the influence of Activision.
But not even Pachter knows what the future holds.
So sayeth The Wizard.

via GameSetWatch

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