Going into E3, WET was one of the big titles I couldn’t wait to get my hands on. My excitement shifted to shameless fanboyism when I forced James to stand with me while I took a picture of the poster advertising the game outside the L.A. Convention Center. One can only imagine how I geeked out when I finally got a chance to play the damn thing.

I suppose it went something like this.

In essence, WET is the sadistic love-child of that shitty (but fun) Enter the Matrix game and any of the following Tarantino flicks:

• Kill Bill
• Kill Bill 2: The Revenge

Of course, WET manages to improve upon both in two very significant ways:

1. WET versus Enter the Matrix – WET doesn’t suck. Final verdict: WET wins.
2. WET versus Kill Bill (2) – WET doesn’t force you to stare at Uma Thurman’s ugly mug for an excruciating four hours.* Final verdict: WET wins.

And thank God for that, man!

So with a very welcome Uma Thurman deficit, who exactly do we get to look at?

Why the super sexy (and somewhat scary) Rubi Malone, of course. Malone is far easier on the eyes than Thurman could ever hope to be—and twice as deadly. An assassin with an agenda, the story revolves around Malone’s manhunt for some opulent schmuck who thought it’d be a good idea to con her into doing his dirty work. Apparently professional killers don’t take kindly to being screwed with. Who knew?

But how badass is Malone, exactly? Here’s a good one: to regain health, Malone downs a random bottle of whiskey she picks up off the street, tosses it to the sky, and proceeds to blast it out of the air like a clay pigeon. I couldn’t do that with a cup of Juicy Juice, let alone a handle of hard liquor. And if I tried, I’d probably embarrass myself and get sick from drinking too fast. And then I’d cry because I got sick. Not attractive.

It’s clear from the get go that WET is heavily influenced by 70’s style cinematography—most notably when Malone is killed (because of your sucking—not hers). Upon death, the display tears like a burnt film reel, leaving you with the dreaded game over screen of shame. On top of this, the colors will fade during slow motion sequences, and there are loads of other graphical goodies (like a grainy old-school film filter) that I likely missed because I was too busy ogling Malone during her acrobatic firefights. Yum!

While Malone initially starts off with an impressive set of abilities, she learns more as the game progresses, honing her talents and offering interesting new ways to slay thine foe. Bethesda guy was quick to point out how WET allows you complete control of two pistols. While most dual-wielding games generally act as one gun, but with a greater rate of fire, WET goes and kicks it up a notch, allowing you to lock on to an enemy with one gun while using the analog stick to aim at anything else you’d like to fill with hot lead.

Oh, she has a katana too. Just thought I’d mention that.

The demo eventually led me to a sweet car chase where I was forced to target enemies while dodging hazards in a style similar to the RE4 “QUICK PRESS THIS BUTTON! QUICKQUICKQUICK!” sequences. I relieved to see that WET offers a variety as far as gameplay goes seeing as a lot of games in the genre tend to fall flat in this category.

Of course, the coolest part of the demo was easily the ‘rage mode” section where a blood-battered Malone gets even angrier than usual and goes on a rampage, Quincy Jones style.

Well, with less prairie dog and a bit more blood.

Okay, with a lot more blood—but it’s still fucking awesome.

During the rage mode sections, Malone’s saucy assassin superpowers are super-enhanced, allowing you to kill enemies in beautiful new ways. As Malone sends sprays of white blood about a red room, the splattered blood artfully spells nifty messages with one overarching theme: “Damn, son! You just got fucked up.”

While playing WET, I did happen to notice that the controls take some getting used to. It involves a lot of finesse and button trapezery to get Malone to pull a combo just the way you want her to. I sucked at first (which led to plenty of heckling from both James and Bethesda guy), but as I got the hang of things, the game began to feel a lot more natural. So have faith.

Certainly WET is a title I’ll continue to keep an eye on—not only because of my fear of what Rubi Malone might do to me if I don’t, but because it’s damn fun. Expect a release sometime before the end of 2009 for both Xbox 360 and the PS3.

Unfortunately, we weren’t allowed to bring cameras into the Bethesda booth. But don’t worry; I’ve got the medicine.

Behold! The official WET trailer:

*Don’t get me wrong; I love both Kill Bill movies. I just really, REAAALLY dislike Uma Thurman for all sorts of shallow, nonsensical reasons that are best left for another day.

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