You may notice something different about this week’s “t3h w31rd”. Unlike previous entries, where full stories were written out, this week is far more streamlined — to help you all navigate it easier. However, posts will still be written for our weekly “Lager of Excellence” award, as well as for our new ‘award’, the “Bitch Slap of Justice”. If we award the Lager to something awesome, you can guess who gets the bitch slap.

Anyways, let us know what you think of the new format in this week’s “w31rd p0ll”: Do You Prefer the New w31rd Format, or the Old?

t3h w31rd:
-Destructoid
The first two sentences of this Craig’s List post says it all: “Do you love to play Super Mario Brothers on the Classic Nintendo System? Do you like to get tagged from behind while you do it?” If you want to know more about this guy’s sick and unusual fetish, I implore you to click the link and read for yourself — the crazy son of a bitch gets detailed about what he plans to do, and how far you have to get in the game before he does it.

-Joystiq
Punch-Out! with bongos? That’s just too damn crazy. But a guy figured out how to do it, and to his eternal credit… it looks like it’d kick ass. Except the acting. The acting is fucking atrocious.

-Xbox Family
In 2006, some guy sent his Xbox 360 to Microsoft to be repaired. In 2008, said Xbox 360 was finally returned. The big slap in the face? Microsoft still sent him the one month of free Xbox LIVE.

-Ripten
You ever see something that just blew your mind so completely that you didn’t know what to say? Yeah, this is “Super Chuck Norris Bros.”, and you can download the demo HERE. Just remember, kids: “Chuck Norris needs no sissy flowers. Chuck Norris needs a chainsaw.”.

-Kotaku
This large-busted Morrigan statue is pretty nice.

-Kotaku
This large-busted Kokoro statue is pretty nice.

-Tomopop
This large-busted Lara Croft statue action figure is pretty nice.

-Destructoid
A vibrator… for your Wiimote… instead of making cheap jokes or sly sexual inuendo over the fact that nerd crush #1 Colette Bennett reported it, I’ll simply say this: The Trans Vibrator beat you to it.

-JoBlo
The guys at JoBlo got really bored, and decided to kill an afternoon by reenacting scenes from some of the greatest films ever made (and “I Am Legend”) — using GTA IV.

How awesome is that?

-Destructoid
Hot cosplay chicks in skimpy costumes. Enjoy.

And now, kids, it’s time to give out the weekly awards. First up, is our recipient of the weekly Lager of… wait, he’s a kid… can’t advocate underage drinking… wait, I have the answer!

The winner of this week’s “Apple Juice” of Excellence is YouTube user “fartbuttface”… okay, so he’s not winning the lager based on his YouTube handle. Mr. Buttface here has taken the time and effort to painfully and meticulously recreate almost every weapon from the Halo franchise.

When I first saw this, I wasn’t sure whether I should award him the Lager or the new one, the Bitch Slap. But then I realized that while this may seem terribly pathetic on the surface, you have to take into account that the kid can’t be any older than thirteen. Combine that with the fact that the workmanship on the weapons is absolutely insane (considering that he made them all out of cardboard and styrofoam), and I can’t help but be impressed.

Now if he could just fix his costume, he wouldn’t look like such a damn doofus.

Now, ladies and gents, it’s time to give out the first ever “Bitch Slap of Justice”:

This one is a real killer. You see, there is this guy who loves Pac-Man. I mean, really loves Pac-Man. So much so that he BURNED IT INTO HIS FLESH!

I guess the dumbshit used an industrial etching machine to pull this incredibly retarded feat off, getting past the machine’s safety device by using a magnet and a die. Kind of like a D&D Macgyver. But do you know what makes this all the better?

The fucking retards video taped it.

…The video may not be for the squeamish… I guess I should have said that before. Either way, while I won’t comment for either Allison or Mike, I certainly hope everybody who has taken part in this ridiculous feat gets terrible skin cancer. It’d serve them right for etching images into their skin with a fucking lazer.

See you next week, kids — and remember to vote.

HOMEPAGE VIDEO: Angry girlfriend smashes her boyfriend’s “Nintendo Xbox

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