It’s been an interesting week. Monday started things off with some swift parental justice for an unruly teen, and ended with some Sonic-sponsored [candy] smokes and a guy dressed as a Wiimote in what is the strangest/most clever form of cosplay I’ve ever seen. Also, The Onion gets a mention for, um… officially being not funny anymore. Sad, I know. Either way, all this and more in this week’s edition of “t3h w31rd”.

Snot-Nosed Kid Breaks Vacuum, Mother Sells Xbox 360
It’s news stories like this that really just drive me up the damn wall. So here’s the story: Some teenager who I will refer to for the remainder of this segment as “ass face”, decided he would rather play with his Xbox 360 rather than do his chores like any decent child. So Ass Face, doing what anybody who wants to get out cleaning the floor would do, breaks his vacuum to get out of chores.

His mother, Ms. Face, was understandably displeased, so she did what any decent parent would do, and has laid the ban hammer down on Ass Face. Hard. To pay for a new vacuum cleaner the mother has decided to put the lad’s Xbox 360, as well as all of his games, on eBay.

His mother, Beth, explained to Gizmodo exactly what was going on:

My 13 year old managed to break the vacuum….thinking it would release him from that duty. He also has a list of other chores that were TYPED up for him to do Friday afternoon….one thing on the list was done…mind you these are simple things…empty the trash, clean your room, etc. Then I go thru the cookies on his computer and find out he has been checking out porn sites. Now there is a password so he can’t even get on and his my-space page has a picture of snoopy on it now. Apparently I’m the meanest mom in the world, were his words.

I’m a single mom. I can’t let them walk over me or I might never get up.

Now I can’t fault the kid for viewing a little bit of the in-and-out. But if you’re going to do it on the family computer, the least you could do is delete the cookies afterwards. Seriously, kid — clear the cache.

So why do stories like this piss me off so? Simple: This shouldn’t be news! A parent actually parenting a child should not be an act of such God damn amazement that we marvel at it! This made serious, [formerly] respected news organizations like CNN. In fact, it garnered so much publicity that Dyson (you know, the vacuum company with those ridiculously pompous commercials) is sending her a brand new vacuum cleaner.

Bejeweled Gets Man Laid Married
Bernie Peng is smarter and more creative than you. Accept this and move on, because if you live to be 1,000 years old you will never top his proposal to his girlfriend. You see, Mr. Peng here wanted to propose to his girlfriend, Tammy Li, but didn’t know how he should go about it. Well, knowing that his girlfriend loved playing Bejeweled on Nintendo DS, Peng went to work on creating a homebrew hack for Bejeweled. What did this homebrew do?

This:

You see, once she hit a certain score on Bejeweled, the following would come up on her screen. I assume it would be at this point where he got down on one knee and ask her to marry him, to which she said “Yes”. Well, she probably said “What the fuck did you do to my game?!” first, then she said yes.

So what is the best part of this story? Word of this got back to PopCap Games, and they are now offering to pay for the honeymoon. Because, as Yahtzee once eloquently put it, PopCap has lots of cash lying around.

The Most Epically Awesome Box Art in the History of Games, Literature and Life!

…I really have nothing to say, so let’s move on.

Non-Gaming w31rd: Iron Man Trailer: The Movie
People, before you go absolutely nuts and say I’m a “n00b” or I “sux” or whatever, just watch. This is just painful.

I will say that the line about the 23 people bruised in a punching spree was pretty damn funny. However that doesn’t change the fact that The Onion hasn’t been funny for a few years now. Personally, I think they’re on a SNL-like downswing, and will return to form once Chris Farley and Phil Hartman join the… cast… ouch. Did I write that?

Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s…

Um… wow. I don’t know what to say. While the image of a man dressed as a giant Wiimote is… to say the least, a bit odd, I must applaud its creator, Rafael Mizrahi, for coming up with something that’s absolutely ingenious. If you read his blog, you will see that not only does he resemble a Wiimote in every aspect, but that his chest is, in fact, an actual working Wiimote. What better way to get women to paw at you, eh?

For that, Rafael “WiiMan” Mizrahi, you are the recipient of our first ever:

Congratulations!

Sonic the Hedgehog says “Smoking is good for you!”
In all seriousness, how could this get past SEGA. Now either this company will be sued into oblivion, or SEGA has shown a great level of hypocrisy (read: YTMND), but either way the end result is Sonic the Hedgehog on a pack of candy cigarettes.

Simply unbelievable. However, in the Philippines I guess they have a different view on cigarettes. I mean, I see the Filipino villains in movies smoking all the time! /stereotyping

This does bring up another issue that I have been spitting acid over for years: Where the hell are candy cigarettes in the US? Seriously, those were awesome back in the day. Then one day they just disappeared… what the fuck, Mars Corporation? What. The fuck?

And finally…

Tetris: The Movie

Two things: 1.) I love how a few websites thought this was a serious trailer. 2.) Big props to Black20 for the quality of this trailer — if not for WiiMan, you’d have won the inagural “LAGER of EXCELLENCE!”, but alas… this doesn’t beat WiiMan.

I suggest you all check out more of Black20’s awesomeness, specifically “300 – PG Version” and “Sheffield Quigley: Professional MySpace Photographer“. These guys are seriously freaking funny.

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