If you have ever played Samba de Amigo, you probably know that the main character is a monkey. We all love monkeys, right? Of course we do! And so did SEGA, since they included a monkey playing the maracas. But there was one group of people who saw a monkey holding red, yellow and green maracas and said “this cannot stand!”.

No, I am not referring to the obscure Chilean political party “Fuck the Bolivians”, I am speaking of the terrorist organization PETA. Yes, the same hypocritical organization that has fought against our right to a tasty burger for decades has aimed their crosshairs directly at those heathen bastards at SEGA.

And I am sad to say that in a twist of sweet irony, SEGA folded like bitches.

We’re officially bananas about SEGA. In fact, we’re sending them a thank-you card and little vegan chocolates in the shape of monkeys (closest we could get to apes) as I write this. Why is this gaming giant scoring such a sweet treat? After learning that SEGA used a real chimpanzee in an online video promoting Samba De Amigo (a new Wii game in which you use your primate prowess and a pair of maracas to make beautiful music), we contacted the company.

We explained how involuntary chimpanzee “actors” are taken away from their mothers when they are just a year or so old and forced to perform confusing and repetitious tricks. We also explained some of the horrible methods that chimpanzee “trainers” use, such as electric shocks with shock collars and prods, isolation, beatings with sawed-off pool cues and slapjacks, and food deprivation. Then, at the ripe old age of just 8, the chimpanzees reach puberty and their showbiz careers are over—and they end up being dumped at dismal roadside zoos or sold to laboratories for experimentation.

Faster than you can mangle a Metallica song on Guitar Hero, SEGA pulled the video from its site and promised to keep all great apes out of its ads!

Of course, thanks to the YouTubes, you can still see the ad (look up) and realize for yourself the absolute torture that SEGA was imposing on that poor, innocent monkey by having him shake a couple of wooden pom poms.

But then again, maybe Sonic and the Gang super glued those in the poor chimp’s hands… except Tails. He’s above that kind of shenanigans.

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