Binge Gamer Dot Net

Over the past few days, there have been quite a few stories from gaming sites across the internet talking about how Atari is threatening to sue several websites who have already posted some rather scathing reviews of the game. Atari claims that the reviews are based on pirated copies of the Xbox 360 version of the game that found its way onto BitTorrent, while at least one of the websites in question says that they purchased the game, legally, from a retailer.

Well, in showing solidarity with our Scandinavian brethren (who may or may not be able to read this), we here at Binge Gamer have decided to post our review of Alone in the Dark. Now keep one thing in mind before you read this review: We haven’t actually played the game. You see, being a relatively new website who employs a monkey in a suit as its legal team, we can’t risk Atari coming down on us. With that said, I not-so-proudly present to you Binge Gamer’s Nota-Review for Alone in the Dark.

You play as Edward Carnby, the main protagonist from the original Alone in the Dark, a game released all the way back in 1992 (the year Khan Noonien Singh rose to power). As Carnby, you’re tasked to investigate a series of supernatural occurrences that are happening throughout New York, and specifically following up on the rumors of suspicious activity in the tunnels underneath Central Park. As Carnby pushes on with the help of Diane Sawyer and a homeless, piss-stained bum named Theo, he learns that the strange activity in the tunnels below Central Park is little more than the M96 Train, so Carnby goes to play Darts at a local bar.

While at the bar, Carnby is confronted by a man who looks like Henry Winkler, and is told of a supernatural cult who is planning on overthrowing the governments of the world and that it’s up to you to stop them. After grabbing a bandolier filled with tiny vials of holy water and your trusty shotgun, Carnby sets out for the Arizona desert to dish out the pain to those Satan-worshiping sons of bitches.

The gameplay can be best described as “Metal Gear Solid 4-meets-Dead or Alive-meets-Forza-meets-CSI.” As you blow through the ranks of the nameless cannon fodder the cultists throw at you, you’ll have to stop to investigate certain rooms, combing tirelessly through books, drawers, closets and even under beds in a point-and-click style adventure. The monotony of the evidence gathering is helped out a lot by Edward Carnby’s internal monologues, which can extend to well over four hours. Sure, this may sound like a very long time, but learning that the whole time Carnby is trying to stop the cult he is agonized by uncertainty towards what to buy his mother for her birthday really helps to humanize the character.

While the CSI/Myst point-and-click gameplay can get old rather quick, the ultra-intense gun battles do more than make up for it. All the gun play is done via an under-the-shoulder cam that gives players an ideal view to aim and shoot, which is good, because the battles are most intense. Often times you’ll find yourself hidden behind a tank, picking snipers off with your crossbow, or using poison-tipped throwing knives to take enemies down silently. There is one level where Carnby is inside an abandoned oil tanker and you have to hold off a never-ending horde of zombie ninjas with only a lighter and a Super Soaker 3000 filled with kerosene, fighting your way towards a hatch to escape the tanker before a US air strike blows it up.

The best parts, though, are the 3D Fighter-styled boss battles that put Carnby one-on-one with the villains. Not to spoil the game, but the final boss battle is so incredible that it will leave you picking up your jaws off the floor. You see, after Edward learns that his estranged daughter has been murdered by a band of hitmen hired by the cult, Carnby disembowels an entire group of Triads with an Adamantium katana and chases after the cloaked cult leader. After playing through a rather challenging quick-time cutscene of Carnby jumping, sliding or otherwise avoiding falling debris from the collapsing Aztec temple, Edward confronts the cloaked man, who is revealed to be Mr. Spock, on the back of Falkor, the Luck Dragon from The Neverending Story!

I won’t say what happens when you win, but suffice to say it’s freaking epic.

The presentation is amazing. The in-game graphics look photo-realistic and the full-motion video that was taken directly from the Alone in the Dark DVD helps to tell the game’s masterfully written plot. The voice acting done in the in-game sequences are also amazing, and the effort that Atari must have gone through to get George C. Scott to record dialogue for Theo, considering that George C. Scott has been dead for some 9 years. The soundtrack is also fitting, as Jamiroquai’s “Virtual Insanity” plays on a constant loop throughout.

Overall, if you love a good action/horror game, you need look no further than Alone in the Dark for the Xbox 360, Wii, PlayStation 3, PlayStation 2, PSP, Nintendo DS and N-Gage. It’s a perfect blend of action and stealth with an Oscar-worthy story. Screw Metal Gear Solid 4, this is GotY by far! It’s better than perfect!

Okay, all fun and games aside, Atari actually filing suit against a website for publishing a negative review, under the guise of “it may be incomplete code” is borderline pathetic. 4Players says that they acquired a copy via retail, and as somebody who himself has acquired games days (up to a week) before their official release for the sake of having a review ready in time for the game’s street date, I’m inclined to believe their story. Hell, if you read through the message boards and comment sections of most websites that’ve reported on this story, you’d see that most people (who aren’t commenting on how review scores are worthless) are on 4Channel’s side.

Either way, our REAL, honest and fair review for Alone in the Dark will be published by June 30th. Hopefully we won’t get sued if we hate it.