I’m usually not a super political person, but this race to the White House has captured my attention, simply because I think the current administration is doing a HORRIBLE job. You know, sometimes, I think that our country would be better run by video game characters. Hm…

Hey, I know they’re not on the ballet and not able to be appointed, but if I could put together an executive branch from my favorite games, here’s who I’d choose:

President

For a president, you want someone who is charismatic and a natural leader. You also want someone who will get things done and is up to incredible challenges – someone who can make calm, wise decisions under incredible pressure. So, for president, I’d vote for…

Commander Shephard, Mass Effect

A calm leader who asks questions and makes important choices? Sounds like he’d be a great president. Hey, he’s even already been part of a sex scandal!

Vice President

The VP has to have all of the qualities of the president, since that is who will take over if he/she should lose the last life. In addition, the VP has to be comfortable with taking a backseat and listening to people. For vice president, I’d choose…

Mario, a million Super Mario games

Itsa Mario! Of course I had to name this guy as one of the top dogs. I’ll probably get about 700 fanboy letters complaining that I didn’t name him as president…

Secretary of Agriculture

The head of the department of agriculture is in charge of food safety, fishing, forestry, and other agricultural topics. For this job, I’d choose…

Jack, Harvest Moon

You want someone who know farming? In Harvest Moon, the game depends on it! The main character, who has come to be known as “Jack” is all about agriculture, so he’s perfect for this department.

Secretary of Commerce

The department of commerce is all about business, trade, and industry. Who better to get for the job than…

The Merchant, Resident Evil 4

The Merchant is the king of all traders in video games. He always knows just when to pop up and sell you new shit, and without him, you can’t win.

Secretary of Defense

There are lots of candidates for the Secretary of Defense position in video games. While I could choose any number of great battle heros, I have to go with…

Solid Snake, Metal Gear Solid

He’s stealthy, he’s smart, and he doesn’t need a big-ass weapon to fuck you up. Solid Snake is the kind of person I want heading up our country’s defense tactics.

Secretary of Education

As you can guess by the name, the DoE needs a head who is well-educated and wants to help others become well-educated as well. For that reason, I’m picking…

The Floating Professor Kawashima Head, Brain Age

Seriously, can you think of a video game character more invested in make you smarter? The Head will ask you question after question to improve you brain function, so I think he’d be able to great things for our country’s educational issues.

Secretary of Energy

The Secretary of Energy has to be well versed in renewable and non-renewable resources, as well as toxic waste and nuclear power. The best character for this job has to be…

Raiden, Mortal Kombat

He’s the god of thunder and shoots lighting at you when he’s pissed. I can’t think of anyone who knows energy (or controls energy) better than Raiden!

Secretary of Health and Human Services

For the Department of Health and Human Services, you need someone to head the FDA, as well as no a lot about aging, health care, and substance abuse. I’m picking…

Derek Stiles, Trauma Center

I want someone who can save my life as the head of this department. Doctor Stiles doesn’t do that with a big gun – he does that in the ER. He’s a perfect fit for as Secretary of Health and Human Services.

Secretary of Homeland Security

Like the DoD, video games are chock full of choices for this position. I want someone who can deal with disasters and terrorists in a calm, rational way, making good decisions as strategically as possible. So, I’d appoint…

Duke Nukem, Duke Nukem

Although Halo’s Master Chief might be the natural choice for this to be in this spot, Duke Nukem is large and in charge – he will seriously fuck you up if you mess with him or his country.

Secretary of Housing and Urban Development

The primary concern of HUD is housing so my choice is easy. I’d go with…

Will Wright, Sim City

Ok, Ok. Officially I guess Will Wright doesn’t qualify for this list because he’s actually the game’s creator, not a character. But come on, people…this job is too perfect for him.

Secretary of the Interior

The Department of Interior controls all government owned land, like mines, national parks, Native American reservations, etc. The perfect person for this job is…

Fran, Final Fantasy

This bunny is one with the Wood, so she seems like a great choice for this position. After all, we need someone who’s all about preserving our national treasures, and Fran can do that in a kick-ass way.

Secretary of Labor

The Secretary of Labor’s job is to deal with occupational safety, unemployment, hourly wages, the economy, and other labor-related issues. For that job, I’d want…

Donald Love, Grand Theft Auto III

Love Media is “the fastest growing US-run media conglomerate in the past five years” and Donald Love, the owner, is in control of TV stations, newspapers, and really…well…everything. His experience in the business world makes him great for this position.

Secretary of State

The Department of State is all about our foreign relations and international policy. In this job position, I’d put..

Carmen Sandiego, Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?

She knows the world inside and out, right? As long as she can control her urges to steal all of the priceless heirlooms in the White House, she’ll make a great Secretary of State.

Secretary of Transportation

Of course, for the Secretary of Transportation, you need someone who knows a thing or two about how to get around. How about…

BD Joe, Crazy Taxi

BD is the master of speed. Sure, some of the other drivers might be a little easier to control, but really, BD’s cab is the vehicle of choice. He knows what’s up when it comes to transportation.

Secretary of Treasury

You have to know a little something about money to be a good Secretary of Treasury. The best character for this job would have to be…

MC Ballyhoo, Mario Party

This little screwball might be the most annoying character ever, but he’s got banking experience. I mean, the coins just flow from his hat!

Secretary of Veteran’s Affairs

The Department of Veteran’s Affairs is all about helping veterans and their families, as well as survivors of veterans. Who better than someone ex-military himself? In this position, I’d put…

Sergeant Major Avery J. Johnson, Halo

Ok, he’s a little batshit crazy, but this marine has what it takes to head the Department of Veteran’s Affairs. He’s a survivor.

Attorney General

The Attorney General’s job is all about justice. Who’s the most fair and honest video game character that can really lay down the law? I’d choose…

Phoenix Wright, Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney

As a lawyer, Phoenix Wright knows the law better than anyone. I’m confident that he’d be a fair and honest judge.

White House Chief of Staff

Last but not least, every good administration is kept in line by a chief of staff, who helps run the White House on a day to day basis. In my mind, this person is as important as the president. So, I’d pick…

Zelda, the Zelda series

She always gets things done, doesn’t she? Damsel in Distress my ass…Zelda knows what’s going on at all times, and in many of the Zelda games, you’d be lost without her.

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