We all remember Jack Thompson, right? He’s the FORMER Florida Attorney who was disbarred earlier this year for what is known as being, in super-technical legal terms, batshit crazy. Yeah, you didn’t think that being disbarred would shut him up, did you? Most certainly not.

In an email exchange with GamePolitics, Thompson explained the drastic drop-off in Take-Two’s stock price as only Jack can:

He blamed God.

Speaking with GamePolitics editor Dennis McCauley, Thompson explained that it was God’s vengeance against Take-Two Chairman Strauss Zelnick that caused the publisher’s stock value to fall. While many will consider that to be the crazed rantings of a madman, there is one person who is personally affected by Thompson and his love for the almighty: God.

That’s right. As I was sitting here, reading my RSS feeds and discovering that there is absolutely zero fuckin’ news today, I got an email from the big man himself – and he was less than pleased.

From: God
Sent: Thursday, December 30, 2008 12:01 PM
To: JW
Subject: Jack Needs to Back Off…

Dude, can you believe this crap? Thompson’s finally flipped his God Me damn lid! He’s actually running around and telling people that I’m the one who struck down Take-Two! That it’s some kind of act against Strauss for not being a believer, or some shit.

Listen, Jack and I have known each other for a while. Hell, we even went golfing together back in ‘97. But ever since he lost his job he’s been really clingy. I mean, really clingy. He always wants to talk and… you know, I got things to do, man. I fuckin’ need my space!

-G

—–

From: JW
Sent: Thursday, December 30, 2008 1:01 PM
To: God
Subject: Re: Jack Needs to Back Off…

So you’re saying that you didn’t bring down Take-Two, then?

—–

From: God
Sent: Thursday, December 30, 2008 1:21 PM
To: JW
Subject: Re: Jack Needs to Back Off…

Dude, I have better things to do than to worry about a fuckin’ video game company. Besides, even if I did have that kind of time — which I haven’t had since the Little Ice Age (wiki it) — why would I want to bring down Take-Two? Have you played BioShock?

No, what brought T2’s stock down was their back and forth with EA over the summer, combined with the complete economic meltdown across the globe.

-G

—–

From: JW
Sent: Thursday, December 30, 2008 1:29 PM
To: God
Subject: Re: Jack Needs to Back Off…

So that’s a no, then. Awesome. But I do have one last question for you, Big Guy. GamePolitics editor Dennis McCauley eluded to the idea that maybe, possibly you had something to do with Jack’s disbarment… was that you striking him down?

—–

From: God
Sent: Thursday, December 30, 2008 2:14 PM
To: JW
Subject: Re: Jack Needs to Back Off…

…I won’t say no.

Why the hell are you guys still talking about him, anyways? He was disbarred for being completely bonkers in the first place, and yet you guys are still yapping on about him as though his kooky opinion still has merit. It doesn’t.

Okay, people? This is God telling you that Jack Thompson’s opinion carries no weight! Let him go. You, by covering this man, lend legitimacy – something that I am fairly sure he needs. Somebody just set this guy up with a fucking WordPress blog and be done with him.

-G

P.S.: Jim, you need to stop touching yourself at night or the Lions aren’t winning next season, either.

—–

…do you see what happens when there is absolutely zero news? It allows for this kind of crap to bubble up to the surface. But there is one thing to take away from this whole thing: At least he didn’t compare Zelnick to a Hitler Youth this time.

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